Discuss i can't talk to u at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; i can't talk to u
ok so here is the thing, i was dating this ...
i can't talk to u
ok so here is the thing, i was dating this chic for like 4 mths, and things got pretty serious, point is i ended up breaking up with her, because we were getting too distant, and it was something i saw i had to break off, something i had to do even though i didn't want to. Ok so after we broke up, i thought that it would set in her mind the idea that she had to step up her game, it turns out that after talking about the whole thing, i found out she provoked the breakup on purpose, because she met a nice guy jajajja
well i stopped talking to her for like two weeks, and meanwhile was getting busy with other girls having my needs met if u catch my drift, to get off the one itits, and we started talking again, just being cool , not even touching the subject about us, and i bumped into her at this party last night which i never thought i would see her there. After a while of just having fun and mingling, i figured i would isolate her from her friends, and build some comfort. I couldn't avoid it but the conversation drifted into us. Well after a while, i told her u know what i think it would make things easier for both of us, if i just stopped talking to u, and she said ok if thats what u want go ahead, like sort of daring me to do it, so i said ok. and right at that moment my friends cruise by in their car, gave her a kiss and i jumped in. I did that at the end hoping it would work in her fairy tale so she has a story to tell her girlfriends.
She calls me today, telling me that, she doesn't want to stop talking to me, that its not what she wanted , cus im a part of her daily life, i told her, that im doing not because i want to but, because its gonna make things easier, and i told her i was busy and had to go, and now im posting this.
So here is my question, I want to keep the whole we shouldn't talk thing going on, but under what mind set should i go about it? or if I should even do it at all? and if so how long should i make it work? I wanna get back with this girl, but im trying to find the best way to get there, without making her feel like she has control over me, and to keep the attraction going there. Its not a matter of sex, cus i get sex, while i was with her and while i wasen't. Its a matter of being no. 1 thanks
OK, you need to take heed of what is going on here...
You say it is not for the sex... yet you were drifting apart.
You say she did it on purpose, fair enough, so why do you want to be around a girl who will play you like that?
I am afraid to say it but, you have oneitis. You could not go 2 weeks without talking to her.. that really is not a long time, and lets face it, you are no way close to being over her. How many girls have you really slept with since you two 'broke up'? 1, maybe 2?
I think she only wants two things from you. From the instant gratification- sex, becuase she misses it, or 2 friendship, becuase she is missing you. Neither will lead to you becoming an LTR.
You would not be settling for the number 1. You would only be settling for the past, and people really don't change, so you wil be in the same position as before very quickly.
You are only 19, so go out, and find somebody better than your 'number 1'. We have all been there.
Anyway, my little rant over with....
If you really want to get back with her, she needs to forget you first. All the crap memories will surface quickly, which will lead to the same problems/arguements and boredom.
So you need to stop talkign to her for 6 months. If you meet her in 'your daily life' you keep it short, simple and polite. (do not be a dick... yet) Keep it within a minute, make your excuses and leave. If she phones, answer nad say it is a bad time, but hope things are goig well with her. Keep this up, and in the meantime, have a realllly good time. make new friends, meet new women, take up new hobbies, and make sure that you are having a good time. The improtant thing here is that you are having a good time becuase you want to, not becuase you want to make her jealous.
ANyways, keep this up, and in six months time, bump into her with some one else on your arm, but do not try to make her jealous, just say you should meet up for coffee... then you can start building up the attraction levels... afterall, you have been living life to the full, so you should have plenty of High value stories... Keep it fun and light, while building up attraction, and run normal game. Just be sure to keep off the past and only looking to the future.
The benefits of this is twofold.
a) you will be able to have a good time
b) You will HAVE a good time
c) you will probably forget about how she was 'the number 1'
d) you will probably meet someone far better
e) you will probably look at her differently, and then be able to turn her down if you do not want to get into the relationship again.
it is easy to say sleep with 10 other women, but it means sweet FA in my expieirence. Start grabbing your balls, and live your life, and start enjoying it. You are young enough to have the rest of your life to meet 'th enumber 1' and trust me when i say that you may think you know everything in your teen years (lucky bugger!) but you learn as you get older, that you knew jack all!!!!
Forget about the Right one, and start thinking about the Right NOW- you are the most important person in your life, no one else
thanks man, you cleared up a bunch of stuff, and actually I do have plenty of hobbies, I surf, play in a band, work out, all to make me feel good . thanks man peace