Discuss GF recently controls the onset of phone calls...is it a big deal? at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; GF recently controls the onset of phone calls...is it a big deal?
Iíve been with ...
GF recently controls the onset of phone calls...is it a big deal?
Iíve been with my gf for about 2 Ĺ months now and itís currently a LDR (we see each other every 2 weeks).
I called her tonight at about 10 and she didnít answerÖI actually thought to myself ďsheís not gonna pick upĒ and I was right. She called me back at 10:38. I know people are busy, but I call her at times when I know sheís not working, eating or out.
Then, I came to a sudden realization that sheís been doing this a lot lately, so I checked my phone. WTF, the last SEVEN calls Iíve made to her she hasnít picked up, and each of those times sheís called me back after I initially called (these calls are over the span of 2 weeks)
Now, I know what you guys are thinkingÖ*Light Bulb* SHEíS WITH ANOTHER GUY, but I am positive she's not.
Basically, sheís been controlling the onset of our phone calls and I didn't consciously realize this until right now.
I am slightly pissed about it, but should I be? This is such a minor problem in the whole scheme of a relationship, and everything else is going well, but itís so childish that it simply annoys me
What should I do?
by no means am i Mystery, but i'd wait till she calls you nxt time. don't call or txt till she does.
and i might even, the next time she calls, not pick up, and wait for her to call again.
Are you serious???
I do this all the time because I'm lazy and I leave my phone in the other room or forget to turn it off silent-mode... there's plenty of reasons to do this, all completely innocent. The only reason to suspect that it's another guy is YOUR insecurities. She's always called you back... I don't see the big deal. Geez, if my boyfriend got all worked up over something like that he would have dumped me 16 months ago!
Thanks for the responses.
Sampayne, I donít suspect that itís another guy. I included that statement because I assumed that it was one of the first things other people would suspect or inquire about. I am not insecure about it, and like I said in my first post, Iím positive itís not another guy.
I appreciate the advice though Sampayne and I donít think itís a huge deal either, I just wanted to get othersí opinions on it. Itís just annoyingÖif you were in a LDR with your BF and he didnít pick up your phone calls for 7 calls straight over 2 weeks, wouldnít you get tired of calling him?
Just like in operant conditioning, when a behavior (my calling her) isnít reinforced (by her picking up), eventually it will lead to extinction of that behavior (me not wanting to call her, because I donít think sheís going to pick up).
Agold, thatís an interesting way to approach the situation. Iím afraid if I do that tho, it will just start this back-and-forth, phone tag game.
I'm in a long distance relationship, and I called my GF yesterday (skype), texted once and I didn't get a reply. I was chilled, but my core wanted to know 'why isn't she texting back or picking up'.
When I notice this happening, I go and get busy doing something else, carry on with my life. I always assume, that whatever she's doing, she's going to be thinking about me anyway. This comes back to something I like to do which is - believe my OWN bullshit.
You know how you think sometimes that you aren't worthy, you're crap, you get approach anxiety etc etc. It's all BULLSHIT. You ARE WORTHY, you're NOT crap, and fuck it - TALK TO THE GIRL. I like to believe things that are VALUABLE to me - i.e. I'm fucking hot, I'm fucking awesome, I'm the shit, I'm the pimp, I'm cool etc etc. In my head - this shit is TRUE. Hey - it could not be, but so the hell what? It's FAR more productive than thinking 'Why is she with me?', 'I suck' etc etc.
Anyway, back to my point. Another thing I want to touch on is 'Ghosts' (bare with me here guys ). I have a big ol' picture of GHOSTBUSTERS on my vision board (its a board with shite loads of pictures on it that allows me, when I'm feeling lame, what I want my life to be about). The picture of the ghost busters logo reminds me to ERADICATE the ghosts from my head. For example, I could be sat doing my work, quite happily, when suddenly...BAM...in my MIND i see my girl cheating on me. OUCH. Its in my head. It seems so REAL. But its a ghost...stupid little electrical signals being pulsed around my brain. Its nothing. I blast it out my head, and its gone.
In an LDR, theres got to be 100% trust...Personally, I think it's a great growing experience. LDR's are HARD. I haven't seen my girlfriend in a month...and I'm not going to be able to see her for another 2 to come...will she cheat? I'd like to say no. But at the end of the day - I see it as win win. She cheats, shes gone - cool - I'll go fuck someone who's closer and whilst I love the girl, I'll be out of the LDR which whilst heavily rewarding, is also a heavy strain.
On the flip side - everything's awesome, and we stick it out. Win - Win. BOOM.
Personally mate, I wouldn't have called my girl 7 times. No WAY would I. I called mine once last night, she didn't pick up, and I had a call back within half an hour....she was out sunbathing a left the phone in the house. Sampayne has some good points - although, if I'd called my girl 7 times through the week and she didn't pick up, I'd be out gaming other girls.
I'd leave it and wait for her to call you, and in the mean time - game other chicks.
Good luck bro
If this is a radical change in behavior, I might ask her about it in a nonchalant way, since it's not a big deal. Otherwise it's not important.
When I am writing in red, it's as an Attraction Forums mod or admin. When I write in normal text, it's just me.
I was in a LDR with my BF for nine months, so I do actually have some idea where you're coming from. Of course if she was completely ignoring your phone calls it would be different, but she's not. She's called you back after each of these calls.
Originally Posted by Snooke3
The thing with LDR is you HAVE to accept that she is going to have a life of her own. She's not going to sit home every night missing you. She's going to establish new friendships and have new things to worry about. Does this mean she's going to find someone else or forget about you? Absolutely not. But you do have to be more tolerant of things like a few missed phone calls when you live in different cities.
Take a genuine interest in what she's up to in this other city. Ask her about her work, her workmates, what the bars are like there, what her apartment looks like... everything. Everyone loves it when you take a genuine interest in what they're up to, and it will help you understand whether she's been in a noisy bar so can't take your calls, leaving her phone in her bedroom and forgetting about it when she's at home or whatever the case may be.
Thanks for the other responses.
Yodatg, thanks for your take on the situation and advice from your own LDR. Your words about inner game and "ghosts" are awesome, probably some of the best I've ever heard or read, since it was directly in response to my problem...and believe me, I get those ghosts too. Normally, I do your first solution and distract myself by running or going out with friends. But understanding it's nothing and blasting them out of my head is much more efficient. BTW, it was 7 times in 2 weeks, which is still a lot I agree, but not as bad as in 1 week or everyday haha. Thanks bro, I appreciate it.
Vapor, thanks for the simple and effective answer. I was hoping a veteran would comment on the situation. And this was a radical change in her behavior, she used to pick up within 2 rings!...but that was also when we weren't yet in a LDR. So I did approach it in a nonchalant way and I texted her saying "Hey cutie I feel like we're in different time zones..let me know when the best times to call are bc frankly your voicemail is getting repetitive and i'd prefer your sexy voice : )"...she called immediately and it's all good...we didn't talk about the "missed calls" but whatever the issue was, it's done with. Thanks for the solution.
Sampayne, thanks for your female perspective on the situation. It's definitely hard knowing that she's going out and getting hit on by other guys, but I do need to accept that it's happening and she's more than happy being with me, even if it is a LDR. I also like your suggestions of involving myself with her life more. I feel like I try to do that, but it's probably not enough. Thanks for the suggestions.
Anyways, thread closed! I've been a member of this forum for a while, but now that I just graduated from college and it's the summer, I'm gonna be more active. Thanks again.
Stop calling her or picking up and then she'll ask why ... then you say.. "You never pick up when i call, so whats the point?"
Femme, IMO that sounds a bit needy/whiney. I could be wrong though.