Thread: Retroactive jealousy ruining my relationship

hey all... so i've got this problem w/ retroactive jealousy -- jealousy of your significant other's past sexual experiences -- in my relationship. I realize that this is incredibly AFC, and I'm trying to work on this and need to find out how to get better as I've read this can be somewhat pathological (medication is suggested in some instances???)

After reading up a lot on the game , I've turned myself around from an AFC to a decent player and managed to get myself in a relationship w/ HB7. This HB7 has a lot more real sexual experience than I do. I do not have one-itis with HB7, but it seems like whenever i start having feelings for any woman, retroactive jealousy kicks in. I get jealous of her sexual history, imagining her with the guys she's been with (who i know) knowing that she enjoyed them sexually like she enjoys me at the current moment, and basically get irrationally jealous of the sexual life she had before me. This jealousy is completely unjustified and AFC -- I realize this -- but it is ruining my relationship, and I know I will never have a normal relationship if I don't turn this around.

This problem doesn't occur with normal hookups because I don't seem to care that they've been with other people. Literally, it only happens with girls I start falling for. I think it might help to NEXT her and GFTOW so that I get a lot more sexual experience, but I really don't want to next her because I care about her a lot and am more the monogamous type. Some help??

Yea I used to have this problem too and to some degree still do.

I guess after a while you just accept it and forget about it..I know that its hard but you gotta do it..Concentrate on being the best shes eva had

thanks... it's nice to hear that some other bros have faced this problem. i am incredibly cognizant of what's going on and how AFC this is and that I need to change it -- I feel that sets me apart from a lot of other newbies with irrational jealousy issues (but it's still the same result, eh?).

Are there any other tricks you used to get over it? Do you just stop thinking of it alltogether when your mind wanders into thinking about her past?

A girl doesn't have to share her past experiences with you. The ones who are telling you are the ones who are more likely to be honest. The ones who hide it probably did far worse.

I mean you have to face facts, you were intimate with someone before her, and she was intimate with someone before you. But does that matter NOW?

You don't have to be with her, you have the option not to, so you have to weigh this out, that whatever happened in her past is so significant that it affects what you think about her now.

It's no different than thinking about an ex with another guy. It drives you nuts, but what can you do, and in the long run, what does it matter?

If she scraped some other guy's dick with her teeth but gave me an awesome BJ, what does it matter?

Always appreciate honesty, even if it gets you a little upset.

Think of why you may be having these feelings of jealousy... You said you know them, so I'm assuming they live nearby and are seeming like a threat to you.

Since you have strong feelings toward her, are you worried that she may dump you and go back to them? (Solution: You're the prize, reframe it. You know you can go out and get other girls hotter than a fucking 7.)

Are you worried that she enjoyed being sexual with these other guys more than you? (Solution: Read up on sex technique. David Shade . Watch this, but whatever you do don't search for it on |||||||||.)

This may help as well.

Basically, stop being a bitch. You're being totally irrational and there's nothing you can do about her past.

haha thanks bro I needed that reality check. I am being a bitch but I'm resolved to fixing it. What I hear a lot about jealousy is that you gotta pinpoint the source... but I'm having a very hard time doing that. I do not see them as a threat -- I see myself as higher value than them, more alpha, with more game. I really can't pinpoint it which is my biggest problem. It's almost like an irrational disorder. Only thing I can think about was I was raised in a very religious environment and before I started coming outta my shell honestly thought I was gonna go through life waiting before marriage and my partner was gonna do the same. I've hooked up with a lot of chicks too... just not that much sexual experience.

I've hooked up with a lot of chicks too... just not that much sexual experience.

What do you mean? she's more "skilled"? Do some reading, and watch some porn.

I am not that experienced myself, but I make my girl happy and she does the same. The only emotion I'm experiencing is one where I think about all the girls I'm missing out on because I've made a commitment to the one I'm with. Hell... my girl could have been a virgin and I would still wonder what it would be like not to be with her... If all you're experiencing is jealousy, just be glad you don't have what I got.

I had a similar experience, and since your post is old, I'm wondering the outcome of your relationship. Did you get over your jealousy or did it destroy the relationship?

Man I was having the same problem.
I was obsessed with exes of my GF's. I was fuckign angry and get sad and all kind of other supid shit. Even though I knew that I'm the fucking PRIZE. And it bothered me even with girls that had less sexual experiences than me. It was driving me crazy.
When I was having a harem with 4 girls in it, it didnt bothered me a bit. But whenever I was in a LTR it was driving me crazy.

So I fixed it in that way that I turned my LTR in a MLTR in a way. Sounds funny but it works.
I found out that I was feeling jealous because I wasnt secure in myself. So I started satrt treating my LTR girlfriend as I was with her in MLTR but just that she was the only one. I didnt cheated and I didnt go on real dates, but I was still talking/flirting with girls and ''trying'' to pick them up, just so I get to see that I can get other girls. That filled my need for insecurity. It's a short-term solution. But I got the time to work on my inner game and my confidence.
But I wasnt doing this behind my GF's back. I told her whenever I wanted to flirt with some girl or to go on a drink with some girl. I didnt told her that I went to a ''date'' but she knew where I was and what I was doing. So there was no cheating involved. If you want other girls dont get in a LTR doooooooooh.
And your GF HAS to trust you. If she doesnt...fucking dump her anyway dooooooh.

If you guys want to lose the girl be jealous. If you want to keep her don't act out on your jealousy. Jealousy = insecurity = super unattractive. I'm talking about the kind of unattractiveness that we see in fat chicks. Imagine if you turned around and your beautiful girlfriend gained a 100lbs. For women you being jealous is the equivalent. You've become the fat chick. Our behaviors are what attract and repulse them and jealousy is repulsive. It's really that extreme if you can have some empathy.

A beautiful woman's value generally stays the same unless she stops taking care of herself and becomes fat, smelly, and gross. Which rarely happens overnight. But a dude's value changes depending on his behavior.