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for the first of all, I proudly present myself as an ...
[b]huge Problems With Gf[/b]
for the first of all, I proudly present myself as an noob. I've read Neil Strauss book and thats about it. I suppose I'm the first 1 from SWEDEN on this gr8 community. By the way, Heres my problem:
i've been dating this girl 4 like 8months now. everything was good 4 the first 3-4 months. Much sex and fun n soo on.. after that stuff kinda started getting wrong becuse it was in the middle of the summer and we were away from eachanother 4 like 4,5weeks. Since then stuff have keep going worse n worse. one of my problems is that she likes 2 party a lot, she likes to go to discos n so on, N I don wna go becuse you guys who have been at a disco wit ur girlfriens know that its not quite fun, if u kno what I mean.. We use 2 argue about this stuff alot. I duno what 2 do, i don want her 2 party alot N I don want 2 be an asshole n make her dont go. I duno what 2 do.
Ps. She lives in an other town mon-fri, we only see eachanother fri,sat,sunday. its very possible that she have n affair in the other town becuse I dont know any1 overthere. But I have no evidence jet n she havent honestly given me any reasons to not belive her when she says Im the only 1 for her, except 4 some txt messeges from other dudes. We have like talked about her cheating on my but it always ends wit her crying n saying im the only 1 for her. i really dont know what 2 do, please help me PRO'S.
Wow. I don't know why but after reading your post I had a headache. First off, I'm pretty sure there's a bunch of guys from Sweden here. I know there are Italians, Russians, French, Polish, etc.
So to summarize, you're new to the forum and this is your first post. Your GF of 8 months likes to party and dance, but you don't. You only see each other on weekends but she wants to go out and you want to stay in.
In my experience the 6 - 8 month mark is about when a short-term relationship starts to break down or end. Also, if I had a $US for every time a guy said, "But she told me she loves me!!" I could buy a Euro or two. Ok, maybe not two.
Here's my take.
1. Your HB is immature. She needs more stimulation than just one guy (or at least you) can give her.
2. She likes to party. Either party with her or let her go. You're not going to change her. Worse, she pretends not to go but then goes out behind your back.
3. She sounds young and not ready for a 1 : 1 relationship. You should be the same way.
4. The more you chase her, the more you want her to "commit" the less likely she is to comply.
5. I recommend dating some other HBs that are a little less flaky just for comparison.
You are coming at this thinking this is the one girl for you. (or as you would say, "the 1 girl 4 u"). Check out this really good thread: Adopt a Philosophy of Abundance. This, more than anything, may help you figure out what's going on.
Taylor nailed it. If you don't like to party in clubs don't date a chick that does. Doesn't sound like you're a good match. That's without examining the possible cheating and her living far away from you.
From my own expirience those girls that cry and swear up and down they don't cheat on you are exactly the ones that cheat. An honest stable well adjusted chick doesn't need to convince you that badly - if she tells you straight and you don't believe her and you keep brining it she'll probably dump you if you keep distrusting her.
Originally Posted by Taylor Noble
^^^ wise words
i say exactly what the other guys have said + read up on other material. such as Magic bullets, Venusian arts handbook. check out the review section.
it will help to clear things up allot!
och nej du är inte ända svensk ;P
translation - your not the only one from Sweden ;P
Yeah, I wouldn't advise you to invest anymore emotionally in this. You gotta know when to cut your losses on girls that aren't gonna go with YOUR game plan.
Also don't fall into the habit of trying to settle down with girls who clearly aren't ready. Don't be a "Sucker for Love".
Im doin my best to dont fall emotionally in love wit her but shes a great girl n i have invested alot of time for her. She doesn't always go to disco n stuf, when i tell her not to go she doesnt, n by the way, for the mos of the time she goes wit my friends so its very hard 4 her 2 cheat on me. what do u guys recomend? shud I cut myself loose or shud i do something else?
Ps. Shes using the excuse "theres nothing else to do in this town" about discos n i cant really blame her cuz there isnt. Is it good 2 have a open disscussion wit her about cheating or shud I just dont think about it ??
by the way, there have been a few times that I've tried 2 broke up wit her, ive acctually done it once but after a short while (1 hour) she wants me back cruin' n says she cant image her life without me n se me wit some other girl wud destroy her tootallt. Is this a good sign that she loves me or is it just shiit n a regular thing girls do??
HELP ME PLS!
Last edited by Slash_Swe; 11-21-2007 at 05:31 AM.
There are lots of great girls out there. And investing more time in her just because you have already invested some is logically flawed. If spending more time with her isn't going to be profitable then cut your losses and walk away.
but shes a great girl n i have invested alot of time for her.
You said that you don't go to discos - what do you do? There are plenty of things to do, even in small towns, that don't involve going to a pub. That being said, she goes to the discos because she enjoys them and has a good time.
Shes using the excuse "theres nothing else to do in this town" about discos n i cant really blame her cuz there isnt
Why are you breaking up with her and taking her back? That is rude. Either break up with her and stick to your word or don't toy with her feelings. Also, if she cries afterwards, that is her problem, not yours. You are no longer responsible for her emotional state. Also, by breaking up with her and taking her back you are teaching her two things. First, that you aren't serious about what you say (or that you are incapable of holding out against her) and that a breakup isn't serious and therefore isn't something she needs to fear.
there have been a few times that I've tried 2 broke up wit her, ive acctually done it once but after a short while (1 hour) she wants me back cruin' n says she cant image her life without me
Something to help you is learning to have fun at discos with your girlfriend. I have a good time when I go out. I don't like dancing; when people go to dance, I go for a song or two and then head back and chat up some people. The disco is simply a backdrop. Socialize like it was anywhere else.
Don't try to force her to behave how you want. She has her own life to live. If her behavior is unacceptable let her know that. She can either compromise to fit your reality of acceptable girlfriend behavior or you can end the relationship and move on. From your posts you seem to feel that the relationship must be maintained at all costs; don't be afraid of change. There are thousands of other girls out there - many of whom will better fit your idea of an ideal girlfriend. Sometimes you need to toss the fish back and grab the rod for another cast.
"The brave man is he who overcomes not only his enemies but his pleasures. There are some men who are masters of cities but slaves to women." - Democritus
Or maybe she's cheating on your with your friends.
Originally Posted by Slash_Swe
Just saying. As a rule though, I never let my friends hang around my girlfriend. I'll introduce them so she knows I have a social circle, but after that, no.
But that's beside the point. Trust me on this, I know you don't want to break up with her seeing how you spent all that time with her and what not. But look, this relationship is not going to work. After awhile, this will keep going on and the thing is, you can't really fix it. She'll keep going out, whether you know about it or not. Either way you look at it, it's doomed. If you were meant to be together a long time, 8 months is a short amount of time to be having you think about breaking up with her, don't you think?
My advice, break it off for your sake. Don't give into that crying bullshit either, i'd be like "Go cry at the disco."
u guys have a point, but wouldnt it be better do find another girl but keep her, i mean, whats the worst thing that could happen? Its pretty much doomed anyway R? I honestly dont think shes a cheater cuz i'm the 1 to know, r, i mean if i dont know, who wud? I think i shud cut my emotionall feelings wit her n go for more girls, but i dont think ill break up cuz Ive heard that its good 2 have multiply relationships, in that way u dont get so emotionall N don have problems wit them being wit other guys ( if it wud happen i mean. ) what do u think?
I have a "2nd girlfriend" allready, shes like one half girlfriend that have feelings for me but were not really dating. Shud i start seeing her more? Help me! Thanks PROS!