Discuss LTR Relationship....over at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; LTR Relationship....over
I'm not sure if this is the correct section or not....or if there's ...
I'm not sure if this is the correct section or not....or if there's even a section for this....I just need to write it out and get some advice from you guys....
I broke up with my girl last night. We had been going out for a long time, but I didn't see a future with her in the long run.
Man, I've never felt heartbroken in MY LIFE until last night. It sucks man. It really really sucks. She is an amazing girl and, no doubt going to be hard to get over. Tears, crying ...it's not easy
It's dam hard not reverting back to old AFC ways.
I felt like calling her this morning and seeing if she wanted to get back together, but I sucked it up.
My closest friends have gone over seas for a term in university, so, at this point, I only have a few to really talk to. I'm heading out with my one of my closest friends tonight.
Anyone deal with a similar situation? Knowing it was and had to end, but really wishing it wouldn't?
I'll end this with one of my favourite quotes from one of my favourite movies, Alfie:
Thanks in advance for any support.
But even when you know it has to end...
...when it finally does...
...you always get that inevitable twinge:
Have I done the right thing?
That's tough man. I think about ending my LTR also, and I've thought about this alot. It sucks what you're going through, but you have to remember that you broke up with her for a reason. Right now, you probably think it might've been a bad idea because you don't have many people to talk to. The thing is, you gotta realize, you have so much ahead of you! You can really take on the PUA lifestyle, I think if you get back with her now, it'll only hurt you.
My advice, get out and do something to get your PUA lifestyle kick started. Have fun!
Best advice I can give you is to keep moving. Don't sit around, mope and think about how things used to be.
Go out and meet new people - both girls and friends - and work on building your character with new experiences. Join Toastmasters (a club that works on public speaking), learn to SCUBA dive, take flying lessons, make new friends and get involved with a new hobby. These things that keep you occupied will also build your character and, forty years from now, probably be what you look back on when you talk about the good times of your life.
Not every LTR ends because things get bad. Sometimes they just aren't amazing. Hardest breakups to get over are the ones where things are consistently "alright" or "good" because you were in a safe and inert place where you could exist without effort. Push yourself to go out and make the effort to meet new and better people. Remember that you deserve better than what you had - just like she does.
Right now you have the pain; use the negative energy to create positive growth. Time will help.
You're moving out of the comfort zone and going into uncertainty. Just keep busy following your passions that you didn't have the time for or the stuff she wasn't into.
That's not to say that you can't have a relationship with her later. I've decided to never make things that definite and keep it as a possibility. I even said that when I was getting a divorce. It doesn't mean it's "over" or you'll never hear from me... we need to work on ourselves, and at a later time, we'll see if it'll work or not. By then other people will have been in and out of my life, and when I feel that enough time has gone by and I've lost any hurt feelings that contributed to the breakup, I'll hang out with her again if she's free. I don't make it a priority, but there is going to be a level of comfort there that you would have to be careful with, a lot of old feelings can come up.
My LTR broke up just over 2 months ago. We were together for 7 years living abroad after moving there. It was hard but it was for the best.
She ended it but I never made an attempt to stop her. Even though it hurts at times you just have to keep moving on, building time and space. I'm lucky that I'm about to move to another country and start a new job so I've got the chance to really assess who I am and what I want. I'm new to learning about pick up but it's something I'm enjoying, it's taking my time reading about it and I'm visualising a new me who will be a PUA - and that thought always helps.
The post above about the ones which are "good" or "alright" is so true. I was in a comfort zone and now I'm well and truly out of it. But that will help me grow and become a more rounded person and to find someone who wont just be an "alright" partner.
The rocky road leads us to the sunny beach...
This actually happened with my first LTR a while ago.
Sure it stung, but only for a minute. The ironic part is that there's actually something quite liberating about being single again.
The best cure for the former LTR blues is to get out there and SARGE!
That's it. Turn the computer off, go outside, and game other women.
Last edited by cheez avenger; 11-05-2007 at 04:39 PM.
Thanks for the help guys.
So far, it's been getting better and better. I'm gonna be sarging on Thur. and Friday for the first time in what feels like forever. Should be a blast.
Still hurts. But I've been watching some RSD stuff today and been out with friends through out the whole thing, all that helped a lot too.
Time and talking to people, crying with them, all that stuff really helps. It also helps a lot to type what your feeling....I feel like I can just let thoughts go.
I think thats my biggest thing now. Like, whenever I needed to talk to someone, she was there. Now I need to, but I know I can't talk to her at this point.
Sorry for the rambling haha
Originally Posted by LRG
I'll tell you what buddy, you can call me and we can have heart to heart all night.
LOL, get a new girl man.
Not sure if it was mentioned, but make sure you do not attempt to make any contact with her at all. The best thing you can do is forget she's even on the planet.
Had something going that seems to be falling apart. Not really even a full fledged LTR but was intense while it lasted. I feel your pain. Best to get back in the field asap.
I just had the same exact thing happen to me. We were together for 3 1/2 years. She broke up with me a week before my birthday. (11/2) Music and friends are the only thing that has kept me sane.
It's not even so much that I miss her, it's just that she is all I've known for the last 3 years. And it's like a part of me is missing now. She was the girl I lost my virginity to, and the only girl I've ever had sex with. It's almost like she was ingrained into my personality. Like she defined who I was. So when we first ended it, I went through an identity crises.
But I've always known that we weren't going to be together forever, so now I'm just taking this as an opportunity to get out there and have fun. I just keep telling myself "welcome to the best years of your life" and it seems to work. I was all down on myself and then it kind of just clicked in my head that my self-worth and self-validation shouldn't hinge on some woman. I am my own man. And it hurts at first, but it's not the end all to life. ONE WOMAN isn't shit in this world of billions of people.
I'm using this to reconnect with friends, indulge in old hobbies that I hadn't had time for, and get more involved with new hobbies (pickup). As long as I have good music playing, and I'm keeping busy, I seem to be ok. It's when I just sit at home by myself that I get upset about the whole thing.
This post probably wont help you too much, but just know that you're not alone.