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Is it wise to talk about past relationships ...
Talking about past relationship with current girl
Is it wise to talk about past relationships or what you did with past girlfriends with your current girlfriend? I don't mean volunteering the information, but if she asks. How should you handling it? I have been giving her very outrageous answers that she knows I am joking, but its gotten to a point where she seems genuinely annoyed that I don't tell her. She even says in a pouting tone, that I don't tell her anything.
More specifically, she's asked me if my previous girlfriends wore lingerie for me or how my past relationships ended. Things of that nature.
What does everyone think?
If she really wants to know that badly I'd tell her, but without going into too much details. Like "why did you break-up with that girl" - "we just grew appart". Certainly don't mention details about the sexual stuff, that could make her feel bad.
Hope it helps...
If she asks, tell her. But be wary of her motives. It's natural to want to know how experienced your boyfriend is, whether he's ever had a long-term stable relationship, whether he's had tons of ONS, etc. It's also very understandable to want to know why the relationships ended. Be honest with her about these sorts of things.
But if she's asking for details such as whether they wore lingerie, you're better off saying something along the lines of, "I'd rather not discuss that." Out of respect for your ex. I certainly wouldn't want my ex telling his new girl about what we did in bed or what I wear under my clothes. Sharing this kind of information is bound to blow up in your face later on. You'll have some silly disagreement and she'll get upset because, "You just don't like me because I don't wear crotchless panties like your ex did!" or whatever. You don't want your current girlfriend to be able to picture you having sex with someone else. Telling her intimate details will make her feel inadequate. It's not necessary and it'll cause more trouble than it's worth.
Don't blow her off, don't make cocky remarks to ignore her questions, just calmly state that it's not something you feel you two should be discussing.
For what it's worth, her annoyance at you right now is understandable. If you won't tell her anything about your past... well, personally I'd find that bloody infuriating.
Point noted. Thank You.
Originally Posted by sampanye
You definitely should talk about past relationships with your girl. But NEVER complain, or talk bad about that person. You can DHV like that, say the girl was completely head over heals in love with you, tell her stories for example, about how the chick started acting like a brat, and treating you bad one time, so you kicked her out of your car, and made her make it up to you. That will show her that even if the pope disrespected you, you'd put him in his place.
Tell her how you met. For example, I've used a story where I just met a girl, talked for 2 minutes, and just ended up kissing her when she wasn't expecting it, and she said it was the best thing that has ever happened to her.
They eat that shit up. As for asking about the lingerie, just tell her you don't discuss what you do with your girlfriends/ex. Just playfully say "quit being so nosey."
Wanting to know how the relationship ended is fairly natural. In part it is assessing how you handle situations, part curiosity about something related to your past (events that usually shape who you are now) and part assessing a potentially threat.
Never speak poorly of an ex. Remember, the girl you're dating now will (probably) be an ex someday. You don't want her thinking you'll speak badly of you. And, to be fair, badmouthing an ex reeks of insecurity. You dated her for (presumably) good reasons, that she was hot and a good person at the time you dated. Perhaps one of you changed or you didn't end up as workable as you initially thought, however that doesn't make her a bad person.
I would avoid intimate details. On one hand, it may give her a complex or a feeling that she needs to compete. As an example, a girlfriend of mine (when we first started dating) said she didn't want to fool around in the back of a car because "that is [her ex's name]'s place". I always associated the back of cars with him and never earnestly forgave the girl for being so insensitive. If your ex could take a facial like a porn star there is no reason to share that; maybe your current girl can't, or maybe she'll refuse to because of the association. Either way, if she is asking you then she clearly has some apprehension or LSE problems that would only be exacerbated by that sort of knowledge.
That being said, I wouldn't just put her off the trail; she'll come back to it, as clearly is the case. Ask her why she wants to know. Does it really matter to her? Rent and watch the movie Casablanca; there is one part where the two characters talk about having "no questions" concerning their past. I would mention how that is a very mature and romantic way to live; they understand that their love is in the present and isn't affected by the past so they don't feel the need to rattle the skeleton in the closet. I've never been fond of my girlfriends feeling inadequate due to the implication that I would date an inadequate girl. Let your girlfriend know that you are happy with her and you (an awesome and cool guy who could have a gorgeous girlfriend within a week) wouldn't be dating her if she wasn't fantastic.
No intimate physical details. Questions like "did you sleep with [specific ex]" might be answered but nothing about quality or other details. I usually don't even bring up the names of girls I have slept with if I haven't dated them as an LTR because a number of them have remained friends with me; I wouldn't want a girlfriend being jealous about what is now a platonic friendship or needing me to go into a detailed explanation of why the past doesn't affect the present. Explaining how relationships end or what problems crept up can be seen as asking for a reason why you wouldn't get back together with the ex; I don't see any harm in answering that. I typically explain how I am different from when I was dating whoever and why I am happy with how I have grown to be a better person since then.
Originally Posted by Solohan
This was with my first serious girlfriend when I was much younger. It is an example of how you can build strong negative anchors in someone who is insecure.
As an example, a girlfriend of mine (when we first started dating) said she didn't want to fool around in the back of a car because "that is [her ex's name]'s place". I always associated the back of cars with him and never earnestly forgave the girl for being so insensitive.
I never really understood why men want to bare their souls out to their significant others. Is it the validation? Probably. Get a therapist if that's the case.
I don't want to hear about her previous exploits, and I'm sure as hell not going to tell her about mine. Be careful if you do, though. Insecure guys tend to be threatened if their current girlfriend was with 2 guys at the same time prior to him.
It's a big mess.
Forget about the past (learn from it, though) and focus on the present/future.
That's all I've got.