Discuss what do do next at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; what do do next
little background : I've known this girl for about 5 weeks ...
what do do next
little background : I've known this girl for about 5 weeks now, we've hung out about 6-7 times...she kissed me the first night I met her, we hooked up the third time...and then started hooking up (making out) regularly...she slept over at my house once, and last night I was at her house till 3am getting head and banging her...lol
this girl is very outgoing, talkative and very open, very opposite of me, i'm more quite, reserved, and well less experienced...(i'm 22, she's 24)
our relationship is progressing pretty fast, i mean it feels like she is my gf, but she's not...she's brought up the topic numerous times...some times I'll get the idea she wants to be official, dropping hints like "well if you were my bf you could come over blah blah" or at partys she will introduce me as her bf to random people, other times she will say things like "well if we still talk in a few months, u know we're just having fun right"
most of these instances, which occur regularly, I really don't even respond to, or when I do respond it's a very vague answer...basically I don't know if I want an exclusive relationship or not, and I don't know what she wants either and that somewhat concerns me with uncertainty...
so what i'm looking for is advice on what to do in situation like this, for those of you who have experienced these...how should I respond to these things she says. . .? as of now, I've just been winging it, just going along with everything without any expectation seeing where it goes. . .but as times goes on i'm investing more and more in her...
Last edited by Achilles08; 08-12-2007 at 09:51 PM.
It sounds like she's giving you the option to be an FB or go into a relationship. It sounds like she wants a relationship if she's introducing you to her friends (and family) as her boyfriend. And if a relationship isn't in the cards, she's still willing to have fun with you.
She's prob. going to be vague and say "Well what do you want".
There's a point right now you don't have to commit to anything and continue to date her.
I would just say "it's been 5 weeks, and I want to give it some more time before I know for sure. I want to make sure at that time it's something we both want or not".
Now she needs to know that there is a strong possibility in a month or two that you are going to commit. It's still not definite,you're not making any promises. And it has little to do with playing the field before then, but I feel that you should still keep options open if you haven't considered yourselves exclusive.
I think that in a couple of months is a better time to give her a definite answer, and for now say that you believe the best relationships are the ones that take their time and grow into it and not push it.
Stand your ground either way. Don't be wishy washy.
She has all the power in this relationship, she is setting the frame and u are jumpin through her hoops (regardless of getting action the other night). As you said, you are quiet and conservative, this will not get you very far with women!!!
Do yourself the biggest favor of ur life and take a bootcamp. I know they are not cheap, but the value that u get out of it + the improvement of the rest of your life will be unbeleivable...
As per advice, throw in a couple jealousy plotlins (which are $$!!) and use the catstring theory to get her at ur mercy.
Hope to see ur advancement journal in the lounge after BC
okay, so this situation has gotten progressively worse...
the other night I thought for sure she was going to give me a LJBF speech, she didn't...she just rambled on about god knows what...
she's having a party on sunday, that she invited me too weeks ago, she's brough it up numerous times saying "i really want you to come but I don't want you to be jealous or anything because there will be other guys there and stuff blah blah" I'm like..."I don't care, it's cool, i'm fine with that"
she brings this up AGAIN last night and i'm finally like "okay your obviously very concerned about this so i'm just not gonna go" she goes "nooo, I want you to come, but it's like we arn't bf/gf and I don't want my friends thinking we are..."
i'm just like, "okay, well if they ask tell them we aren't"
she goes "I just don't want u getting upset if one of my friends does anything inappropriate to me or anything like that, blah blah, like what if a guy kisses me or something"
I go "Melissa, your in control of what happens to you, if u dont' want one of your friends doing something to u that might be inappropriate then don't let them"
she goes "I don't know what to say, i'm gonna let you go, good night"
I go "okay" (and hangup)
5 minutes later text message "i'm sorry"
I don't respond...4 minutes later she texts me again... "I'm just an idiot somtimes. Good night baby"
I text her "it's cool...goodnight"
she texts me today "hi"
I text her "hey"
she calls - I was working so I couldn't answer...I call her back she's at work, so I leave a VM...she hasn't called back yet. . .
? i'm confused ?
It's because your confused that she's acting this way. She wants you and dosn't want to say it out loud. She's testing you to see how you'l react and because your 'i don't care i'm fine with that' it's throwing her out.
FB her. If you wanted to be her bf you'd done it already. Will she get upset if at her party you hook up with another girl?
-It's talking to women... Not calculating the trajectory of a spaceship so it will enter a geosynchronous orbit above New york....
-I'm not my car, I'm not my clothes, I'm not my wallet... I am everything.
i dunno man, it doesn't seem like it. . .
Originally Posted by DanJer
i'm assuming so. . .
Originally Posted by DanJer
so this HB calls me this morning. . . Hey, how are you. . . "I strangely miss you" blah blah...I go "strangely?" she goes "well I just say that when i'm not sure how the other person feels and I don't want to feel stupid" I go "ohh well I suppose I feel the same way" then she goes into some long story about working out with her friend yesturday...
I text her later small talk. . . ask her how work is she goes "I have so much to tell u I'll call u at 4"
I go "I'll be working at 4, so let me call u. around 5" I call her. no answer. no return call and it's 930 at night. . .
hmmm, I'm very confused...
I'm going to take a random guess here....
....you have not slept with her yet?
Do it, turn on the seduction, make out with her, etc etc.... see where it goes.
A lot of the time it is a hell of lot better to do it than just talk about it.
Actions speak louder than words.
The Auckland Lair