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The Importance of External Validation in ...
The Importance of External Validation in Long Term Relationships The Importance of External Validation in Long Term Relationships
Recently I was eaten alive in a LTR I had with a (I thought) very special someone. First off, I’d like to state that I’ve got pretty solid game and I know how women work more than 95% of the average guys out there, yet I still can’t maintain a LTR for more than a few months. Many of you know what I’m talking about, and you know how much it fucking blows.
Naturally, I’ve put a lot of thought into what I did wrong and I’ve come to realize that it was because my game and my alpha personality started to slowly erode over time. My frame became weaker with every passing month.
“But why?” I asked myself. “I’ve got game! I know this shit.”
At first I figured it was because my inner game was lacking. But wait a second… I went into the relationship with great inner game and came out with my self esteem shot to pieces. So, what the fuck caused this transition!?
I received little to no external validation from other women.
If you’ve got good inner game, when you enter into a LTR you view yourself as the prize. A very good place to be, but this doesn’t mean you’ll keep that particular frame throughout the relationship. I sure as hell didn’t.
I stopped sarging when I entered into my LTR, causing me to receive drastically less external validation from other women. In fact, I stopped flirting altogether. This is bad because you’ll slowly start to lose the “I’m the prize” attitude which is so integral to maintaining your alpha frame. The frame your women is attracted to.
I relied exclusively on my girlfriend for validation.
Without anymore validation coming in from other women, I started to slowly rely on my girlfriend for my validation… Exclusively. This isn’t a good position to be caught in. Your girlfriend will begin to subconsciously sense that you NEED her and require her validation to boost your self worth. She’ll begin to slowly take her validation away from you by not calling as much, not spending as much time with you, not complimenting you and generally not appreciating all the wonderful things you do for her. ALL of you know what I’m talking about because everyone has been through this and you automatically sense the change instantly. It comes on slow and then grows exponentially until before you know it your ass is dumped (or cheated on in my case).
As a result of overly relying on my girlfriend for validation, I began to lose my frame. She became the center of my [validation] world. The more validation she took away from me, the more I craved and the more I sought. A vicious cycle had begun. Her approval was necessary to keep my sense of self worth high. This flaw manifested itself in my subconscious and I began to become more and more beta each and every day. Slowly I lost my game as I began to put my girlfriend on a pedestal. Sadly.
I needed to keep receiving external validation from multiple sources of women.
In order to solve this problem, you need to keep receiving external validation from other sources of women. In other words, you need to keep on sarging while you’re in your LTR.
This doesn’t mean you have to cheat on your girlfriend and sleep with other women, or even make out with them at bars and clubs. It means you have to stay active and flirty. Go out with your wing(s) and open sets, get the women flirting with you. Make them LOVE you. Be their GOD for the night. All of this is to make your subconscious KNOW your girlfriend isn’t the only women out there.
Since you no longer rely exclusively on ONE source for validation, you will naturally always maintain a prize mentality, thus keeping your frame intact. Your subconscious will KNOW you don’t really need your girlfriend for replication and this attitude will shine through. When your girlfriend begins to skimp on the compliments, or gets in a bitchy mood, you will be no longer so needy and approval seeking. In fact you probably won’t even notice or care when she’s in a bitchy mood. She’ll see this and begin to work harder for YOUR approval.
Women have natural game because…
One of the reasons women have natural game (I believe) is because they receive bucket loads of validation ALL THE FUCKING TIME ( starting at the time their around 13 or 14 years old!). This never ending ego trip subconsciously manifests itself in their frame and character. They know that their boyfriend isn’t the only guy out there that will mate with them. They know they have plenty of options and that if they were to break up with you, literally hundreds of guys would be waiting in line to take your spot. So once you start acting jealous, needy, weak, insecure and all the rest of the shit you used to do in your AFC days, she will replace you, unapologetically. It will be fast, swift and above all, COLD. Heed my advice brethren.
Which goes to show we never should relax and lean back.
Definately something we all need to rememeber.
I'm the Hootchie Cootchie man,
Everyone knows I'm him.
While I agree with your method to solve your problem (sarge other women). I completely disagree with your reasoning. External validation is faulted, regardless of the source. While it may be better to get validation from multiple sources, than just your GF, the root problem is still there. You're still a Validation-seeking Man. This is lower value and will not propel you to greatness.
Originally Posted by Roulette
Also, your logical breakdown of validation is accurate and quite brilliant. But the end conclusion is weaker than it could be. Become self-validating. That is the only true solution.
Check out this older post of mine:
"In matters of the heart, it's the heart that matters."
Become the centre of your own universe and let women orbit around you, get your power internally. - David DeAngelo
Peace is found within F00!
Get involved, have great things going on for you, you will get the validation you are looking for. The game is more than simple routines, its a mentality. You have to be the prize in your relationship. Remind her that she has it good in every way...