Boyfriend is in love with two women at once.
Discuss Boyfriend is in love with two women at once. at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; But he was planning on bringing me home for Christmas to meet his family and ...
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- 12-08-2012, 08:08 AM #11
But he was planning on bringing me home for Christmas to meet his family and we were always talking about it, right up to our last conversation we had when we were together. If they had the knowledge that he was cheating, I'm sure he wouldn't have wanted to bring me there.
But it makes sense that you guys think he was cheating. It's a possibility. I don't have the feeling that he had been cheating because I think he really does love me and our relationship has been good up until this point, but he's just so conflicted inside.
- 12-08-2012, 08:37 AM #12
bf was a loser, or a cheater. If he's still hung up on his ex and just talks to her sometimes then he's pathetic and shouldve moved on long ago. Crying and breaking up with you because he's still in love with a girl is pathetic. You should want a REAL man, who's mature enough to walk away from a relationship and just move on without breaking past shit into his new ones. Or, he's not that into you anymore, and the long dstance isnt working for him or he's found someone else or just wants to be single to hook up. Either way, forget about him and dont waste your time consoling someone with issues who broke up with you for stupid reasons.
- 12-08-2012, 02:12 PM #13
I think Mr. Wrong is right on this one. The cheating is debatable, but he's definitely acting like a loser.
The best way to spite a guy who dumps you is to suddenly get hotter (gym, hair, makeup, new clothes), not give him the time of day, and then find a guy who is better/hotter/more successful than he is. However, if a guy did this to me, I would never take him back even if he came crawling. You should not be content with having the #2 spot in the relationship. It sucks that he did this right before Christmas, but the best thing you can do right now is cut him off completely and spend the holidays with your family and/or closest friends. Walk away with your pride intact knowing that YOU CAN DO BETTER.
Try to see this situation as a blessing in disguise. You're no longer weighed down by a long-distance relationship and are free to take your life in the direction you want it to go and meet lots of new, interesting people. I remember back in college, whenever I got out of a relationship is when things started going well for me: my grades went up, my social life was booming, I was motivated to work out more, and things just got a lot more interesting. You probably have no idea how many guys around you want to date you... when they find out you're single, they'll get closer and start showing interest.
The first few months after a breakup are the hardest, but use them as a motivation to pick yourself up and make yourself better in some way. A bad relationship can be really draining on your soul, and often you don't realize it until after you go through the withdrawal and see how much better life is without him. I can guarantee you, there are better guys than your bf out there, and the sooner you let that loser go, the sooner you'll meet them.
RogueWhen I am writing in red, it's as an Attraction Forums Admin. When I write in normal text, it's just me.
- 12-08-2012, 04:02 PM #14
But I want to be in a relationship with him again and I want to see him while I'm home for winter break. What I really want to know is how to get him back/how to get him to want to be with me.
- 12-08-2012, 09:37 PM #15
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You're basically asking us to give you advice on how to fuck yourself over in the long run. We're not gonna do that. Whoever gives the least amount of fucks, has the most power. So if you want him back, stop giving a shit. Move on and ignore him. He's broken up with you because he doesn't know how to get over the past and you shouldn't have to pay for that.
It's one thing if the two of you were living together but in a long distance relationship, which is already strained, I don't see how this works. It isn't enouh to want him back. Relationships don't work that way otherwise I'd be fucking Jessica Alba. Both people have to want the relationship and he clearly doesn't. Go find someone else who thinks you're number one.
- 12-09-2012, 07:42 AM #16
"He said that the way he makes decisions is that when he wants two things, he chooses neither."
If you force him to choose, he'll pick neither. That's what I do when people fight over me for any reason. Initially I'll pick the person I'm most devoted to, but eventually that will end too. I'm not suggesting you are, but there's just no good that can come from that kind of pressure.
It sounds like he just can't get over her, but he might very well want to. He sounds miserable. Seeing her may be bringing up all kinds of feelings and memories and then your presence is harder to be felt because you're so far away. I don't know if its the right course of action or not, but letting him know its normal to feel like he does might when he sees her might alleviate some of his guilt.
People have this idea that when they're with someone they will never ever be attracted to anyone else ever again. This is pretty far from the truth. When a couple gets together, they have to make a joint decision if they are going to be exclusive, that they're going to close off their options that will always be present. They make the choice to be committed thought they realize they could each meet someone else the next day who could be just as good relationship material.
If he hasn't cheated, maybe he wanted to break up with you pre-emptively in case something happened between when he called and you came home.
Anyway, I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. He does need to make up his mind though. Sometimes all it takes is to be together for things to be clear. If you see him again, is he distant or does being together makes everything else (thoughts of this other girl) go away. I don't want to give you bad advice. You definitely have to maintain your dignity, but there are ups and downs in relationships and if everybody bailed when things go tough no one would ever stay together.
- 12-10-2012, 03:48 AM #17
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Just tell him it's cool if he has another girl and you'll share. Promise this will work. HH
- 12-11-2012, 07:05 AM #18
- 12-11-2012, 07:43 AM #19
I lived your story. It does not ever have the happy ending you want. He is an ass, and his whole message to you was that you are not a "10" on his list, but he wants to stay in contact with you for an ego boost, a shoulder to cry on, and to see how many hoops you can leap through to get him back. As long as you still try to get him back, he can convince himself that he really isn't a shithead, since you still want him. I have a link for a site for you to check out...I will send it in a private message since I am not sure whether it is okay to post an outside link on here.
- 12-11-2012, 08:29 AM #20
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I have been in a similar situation only the reverse with a woman who wanted out of her marriage but neglected to tell me she was still married until the guilt drove her crazy. I'll spare you the rest of the gory details. This is rule #1 for me now with new girlfriends, I learned the hard way and don't recommend anyone try it.
I know you want this, but trust me it will leave you emotionally fucked up and dead inside when it finally falls through. It might take you years to get over if you let it take you there. You are young, move on and find someone available that is going to be into you and only you, he is out there. Do yourself a huge favor and bail on this as much as it sucks it's the right thing for you.
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