FWB going wrong..
Okay, so as you've probably figured, I am indeed a lady. I have been reading the threads here now for a couple of days and you all seem to have your head screwed on pretty straight. So I thought I would join up and see what advice you had to offer me, from a mans perspective. Girls really are wired differently, so I need the honest opinion of non-biased men.
This is going to be a v long post, sorry - but I guess it's good for you guys to know as much as possible to offer advice.
I started a new job, it's quite close knit with only a few employees. Anyway the first time I met this particular fellow colleague, to put it bluntly, I seen and just knew I wanted him (sexually). I knew what I wanted and went for it, so I got his number off another colleague and text him asking advice regarding a work issue (to test the water more than anything). I think he was quite surprised by it, as after he replied he then came into work only about an hour after I first texted him, (on his day off) to talk to me regarding it, and went on his way. Pretty much straight after I got some flirty suggestive texts and it went from there.
Now I should mention the guy is married. However, the relationship was already over and he was in talks of getting his own place (which believe it or not did happen 3 weeks later.. he is now all moved out and they are going through a divorce). Anyway, he approached me after this heavy flirting to see "where we stood". He told me he wanted to be straight with me before anything happened (which I respect), that he liked me, but obviously he was still married and although it was over, he was in no place for a relationship at the moment. (He has been very hurt by this woman, she has been with somebody else for almost a year and ended up getting pregnant to the guy). I told him that I didn't want a relationship either, I can't be dealing with the hassle and want to focus on my career and studies. So we agreed on friends with benefits.
Immediately after, sexual things started happening, we didn't go all the way till he had moved out into his own place though. He went very off with me for about a week before moving out, and I hardly heard from him. His reason was his head was a bit of a mess basically. Then after a few drinks he also revealed that did I not consider he had been married for a long time, and wasn't used to this so got scared/pussied out? Another reason he came up with was that it didn't feel right, treating a woman like that (for sex basically). I have no idea what to make of all his reasons, so thats my first question - what do you think went on there?
So since after about a week or two of him getting his own place, I've been staying there almost every weekend. We have great sex and drive eachother mad. He's always called me quite often, and we talk for at least an hour, up to 3 at a given time. Sometimes during a long chat he'll say, "Why don't you just come round if you're not busy - just to talk?" - "I'll even sleep on the couch so you know I'm not just asking you round late for sex" - which to be fair - he did sleep on the couch!! He's called me every night for the past few weeks for at least an hour - often longer, except for one odd 5 day silence (again he said his head was a mess and apologised). Quite often we'll chill out and talk - deep conversations for hours (I'm talking about 5 hours straight talking without tv, radio etc). It's worth mentioning we don't text that much.
Lately, he's been suggesting a couple of things, like having a barbeque, going for walks down to the beach, and last week, he said out the blue "I know we're not dating, but I'd like to take you for a meal to this nice place (we were talking about a shared love for indian food lol) - my treat". And, usually when I'm with him, we like to have a couple of drinks - so he said not too long ago that he didn't want us drinking next time - something along the lines of he wanted to know the sex wasn't just because we'd had a few drinks (on my part I guess). Last time we went out, he developed some odd behaviour. He asked if I wanted to go for one more drink - I did so we went to a pub he knew well. He was pretty hammered by now so went off playing pool with mates - wasn't my thing so I went off meeting/chatting to people. I got chatting to the manager - as I was chatting across the bar, FWB comes through talking to me (I couldn't hear what) pointing to go to the other room and giving me a really cross look. He walked off but came back later as I was sat with the manager having a drink, said to the manager "You're looking quite comfy there, (hisname)" - because the manager had his hand on my back. FWB then said he was leaving, and that the manager was fine to have a drink with, he was sound and that I could stay have a few drinks before coming back to his if I wanted. I said it was fine, that I'd come home with him now. FWB was insisting "No no, honestly it's fine if you want to stay have a drink" after a few times of me insisting I'd come back now, and FWB saying "No it's fine you can stay", I gave in and said "Ok, I'll stay and come over to yours after I've had one or two more drinks". At which point, FWB (who now also had his hand on my back) started pinching my back - hard. He carried on pinching my back getting harder and harder and giving me angry looks while we were talking to the manager, but so he could not see.. and all the while still saying it's fine if I wanted to stay for a few drinks? I got the hint and went straight back with FWB.. and asked him what that was all about, I asked him if he was jealous. He said "(hisname) likes to get girls drunk and take advantage - I wouldn't have let you stay. I'm not going to let someone I care about be taken advantage of". This could be true (I don't know) but seems odd seeing as the manager had already took my number asking if he could take me out to the pictures the next day?
He's never done this before - so I'll be honest I'm seriously confused by his behaviour. The reason I asked him if it was jealousy, is because if it was, then I don't want to upset FWB at all - but he's always brought up the fact that we are just FWB and not in a relationship, so I figured this kinda thing wasn't a problem. What do you guys honestly think his behaviour was about here? Later on that night, the sex was very different. He's never been affectionate in bed before, at all. But that night (the last time we had sex) he was. I definitely noticed a big change. And when we finished and I went to get off.. he stopped me, pulled me close and told me to stay there. I stayed there for a while and he kissed my forehead.. all of this stuff he's never ever done anything close to during sex :S
Whenever I leave, he asks me for a kiss before I go. He pays my taxi fairs to his and back home, walks me to the bus stops, and has no problem introducing me to his friends at bars etc. I'm definitely going to play it out and if there's any more changes in behaviour then I'll talk to him about it - for now I'd appreciate a (tactful) mans opinion. I'm happy with just FWB, maybe he wants to do other couply stuff because he feels bad/guilty about just having a sexual relationship with a woman and nothing else after being married, I don't know. But I am seeing changes in behaviour and I don't want to see anyone hurt - if this looks to be heading somewhere else I guess I need to know now.
Thank you all for taking the time to read my LONGGGG post lol, I look forward to some input on this one. xxx