Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 21
Like Tree1Likes
Discuss STILL not over my ex. 7 mos later. WTF? at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; I don't believe everything you've said, considering you would've found someone far better for you ...
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Gender:
    Age
    21
    Posts
    1,564
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 26 Times in 24 Posts
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    I don't believe everything you've said, considering you would've found someone far better for you by now if you actually did all of those things.

    Best advice? Time, self-improvement, self-focus, patience and presence. Read "The Power of Now" by Eckart Tolle. If you actually understand the concepts in that book, it may change your life forever, making you happier than you've ever been (only if you genuinely, deeply understand the book's contents).


    "The mind only acts as an enemy for those who do not control it."

    You only lose what you cling to. -Buddha

    Here's how I see it:

    Men act, women react. Don't take the woman's role.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Gender:
    Location
    NorthEast US
    Age
    37
    Posts
    140
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    I remember your story from about 7 months ago, probably because I was going through a break up with my girlfriend of 2 years at the same time. I haven't really kept track of the time, but now that I think about it, it will be exactly 7 months in 2 days.

    From what you've typed, it seems pretty clear to me what is holding you back from fully getting over her: You still have her high up on a pedestal in your mind. You really need to knock her off of that thing and bring her back down to earth.

    1. Stop thinking about her positive qualities. When you do think of her, focus on her negative traits. In fact, try not to think of her at all. You are ultimately in control of your own mind, when she invades your thoughts just push her right back out. Force yourself to think about something else - read a book, self help books are great but in a way you are still thinking of her by reading them so try some good non-fiction that has nothing to do with you or her or your own life.

    2. Accept that she is gone. Someone else wrote a good post here about getting dumped and in it he wrote about dumping her in his mind. Tell yourself that YOU are done with HER and that you won't take her back no matter what. At some points in life hope is great, when you've been dumped it is your worst enemy.

    3. Let it, and her, go. Closure comes from within you. Nothing she could say or do will change anything at all. Every question she answers only gives you two more questions. She wasn't the right woman for you, if she was you'd be together now.

    4. Know that you are going to be just fine. Because you will be. Single or in love, you are going to be just fine. You are fine now, but you need to stop torturing yourself. You attracted her and you will attract a new, better woman, but not until you believe that you will.

    Honestly, I still think about my ex and get depressed about the situation occasionally too. That is to be expected when someone you love walks out on you. Some people say it takes about half the time of a relationship to fully get over it. The most important thing is to keep moving forward. Don't call her and beg, you know where that gets you. Focus on knocking her off of that pedestal and letting her go. I promise you that she isn't as great as you imagine her to be.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Gender:
    Age
    35
    Posts
    1,031
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    I think the advice of taking a break from the mentality of pick up is important. I think sometimes in our quest for relationships, we become hyperfocused on it and do not simply enjoy things -anything- for what it is without having any other motive behind it.

    If you have female friends, immerse yourself in them If you don't, make some. Nobody is better at making you feel good about yourself than your opposite sex friends. Even better if you have international friends. That way somebody's always around when you wake up at three in the morning with chest pains

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Gender:
    Posts
    514
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Thanks MC. Yes you are right. I know for a fact she is not as great as the pedestal memory of what was. And what good would getting back with her serve? She's still be somehow less attracted to me then I to her, blah, blah. I fucking hate all that. Plus it is important to note that there is some resentment inside me for her too. I'm not the whole "hate fuck" type of giu but I get it. I'd love to have her eating out of my palm. Have the upper hand back. Yuck. All pretty much counterproductive and worthless. I wish I could just shut it off. And her really shitty friend that always tried to block me and get her to herself. WTF. Just weird. I feel oddly robbed and I do feel a weird lack of closure. But i mean when she broke up with me she told me that she wasn't feeling that loving feeling, that she needed to "focus on her" and her job and all of that other bullshit. I feel like she is a quitter. She did the same thing to her ex husband. Blech. Boring.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Gender:
    Posts
    514
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    So I would like to thank everyone again for their great advice earlier this week. We all have our highs and lows. And naturally now that I have become grounded, focused on other things, and started to feel better......sure enough she texts me. A photo of her dog (who she knows I love). I respond a few hours later (big mistake? Does it even matter?) Then she responds back and that is it. I did not text back the second time. So either it was literally just that the dog did something cute and she thought of me, or she is bored or momentarily lonely. I have in the past told her to not contact me, blah, blah, blah, and then of course turned around in a moment of weakness or while drunk contacted her. So I am done trying to throw down the gauntlet and telling her to not contact. Feels a bit forced and a bit old hat...."like get over it!". So what do I do the next time she texts me guys? Just do not respond? Ignore it? It is not like she asked to see me or anything. I have been in the situation where I dump a girl and then am lonely a few months later and I text her for zero reason but the fact that I am bored and lonely. Her response did not even matter. So I sorta know the score. But what do I do the next time she contacts me? Thx

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Gender:
    Posts
    514
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    And then she texted me later in the night saying "You're not home". Wtf? (I was actually in back room readings). So do I just ignore her?

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Gender:
    Age
    23
    Posts
    15
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    SFF:
    This is exactly what keeps you in your emotional "limbo", now going on for 7 months. Deep down in you, you over-analyze the reasons for her contacting you - even though you won't admit it, her sending you a photo of her dog makes your emotions go: "Oh, man! Maybe she still feels something for me! Maybe there's still hope!"

    When you still feel love for this woman, you can't let go before all hope is gone. And that's what hurts, but that's ultimately also what will set you free.

    Now, you have to be true to yourself. Ask yourself; Could you be able to be friends with this girl, even though you know she's dating and screwing other guys? Even though you know she's not feeling attraction for you? If NO; You MUST let go of any hope! And if she keeps mind-fucking you (as I would say it is, when she's sending pictures to you), you have to contact her and ask for closure! She still has control over you; can you see that? As long as she has control over you and your emotions, you're never going to move on. Yet, even if you started dating again, you would still have to work on yourself in terms of being independent - nobody should have control over you or your emotions in your life.

    She has to say to you, straight up that you're NEVER EVER going to get together again! And no; Don't get drunk and call her up. Actually, set up a meeting with her, talk through it; let it be clear to you how she sees you right now. You are two adult people (I suppose), so you two communicating casual shouldn't do any harm.

    Hell - maybe she HAS second thoughts (actually I wouldn't write this, because that is what starts hope), but to be honest, mate, I think she's just playing with you. It's always nice to know somebody has feelings for you, even though you don't have feelings for them - but don't have feelings for them, if it's not Mutual.

    SFF, I wish the best for you; and you have a serious issue here you have to go through, before you can move on for good!

    If she tells you that she doesn't feel anything at all for you; you know what to do - cut off all contact; let yourself go, forget about her! Block her on facebook, delete her phonenumber on your cellphone, delete her e-mail adress - but set up that damned meeting; go to a café. Whatever. But you have to understand where she's coming from, before you can move on.

    Closure is very important to move on after a broken heart; Psychologists talk about this all the time.

    - Mutual.

  8. #18
    Vapor is offline Administrator Emeritus
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Gender:
    Location
    Surprise Buttsex
    Posts
    6,859
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post
    Mentioned
    9 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    How long were you together? How old are you both?
    When I am writing in red, it's as an Attraction Forums mod or admin. When I write in normal text, it's just me.

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Gender:
    Posts
    4
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Dude, you need to go no contact. Not partial contact. Don't think of it as denying yourself anything, it's the wrong mentality. Rather than thinking of no contact as something you're doing reluctantly, just embrace it. You are not going to contact her in any way, shape or form - and it's your decision, and you're happy with it, because you know it's going to lead you to a better place. Have that mindset.

    Also, what's with the drunk contact? Obviously that can happen - you're drunk, you defense is down, you make a stupid choice. So eliminate the possibility of making that stupid choice. I knew when my last GF broke up with me that I might be tempted, when drunk or just when feeling down, to reach out. So I took preventative measures. I deleted her phone number, I removed her/blocked her from every social networking site. I literally could not contact her if I wanted to, short of going to her place and knocking on the door.

    Also, it's a two way street. She broke up with you - that's her choice. You respect that, right? Well, you're allowed to set some ground rules of your own. Tell her she's not permitted to contact you. Tell her that you respect her decision to end the relationship, and you expect her to respect your need for privacy. Tell her directly, if she reaches out - do not call me, do not text me, do not email me, do not show up at my place. Don't be rude about it, just be firm and let her know it's important to you.


    Then just focus on yourself 100%. Don't worry about if/when you'll talk to her again, or what she's doing. You'll probably talk to her again at some point down the road, just don't worry about it until you're in a place where you're totally indifferent to her. That could take a long time. And the funny thing is, when you do really get over her, and you're really indifferent, not thinking about her, she's not special, you truly don't care - well, you probably won't think to contact her. And that's fine. It's healthy.


    Seriously man, 100% NO. CONTACT. Do not communicate in any way, and tell your friends not to mention her. At all. No updates. Do that, focus on yourself, you'll be fine.

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Gender:
    Age
    21
    Posts
    937
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Why is her number not blocked? If you're having this much difficulty getting over her, make it easy on yourself and delete/block all forms of contact. You don't need to know how she's doing or how cute the dog is. Fuck the dog! You need to focus on you and your emotional welfare.

    I had an ex that I thought I was completely over until he randomly sent me a message. I realized I wasn't over it and immediately blocked her. I don't care if she thinks it's immature, etc. I'm only interested in my emotional state and being able to move on and so should you.

    As for randomly running into her, smile and act normal. Say hi, say you hope she's doing fine, then inform her that you have somewhere to go and hope she has a great day!
    Hey, it's all just advice. You can go out there and do whatever the FUCK YOU WANNA DO! - Hodgetwins

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  • Forum Rules



Facebook  Twitter