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Discuss Please tell me I'm down but not out.... at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Please tell me I'm down but not out.... Im going to try and make this ...
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    Please tell me I'm down but not out....

    Im going to try and make this as brief as possible. But a quick overview. We met at work, we have the same schedule, but we dont work together, I just see her walking in and leaving.

    The ex girl pulls me aside about 2 weeks ago and gives the "im not happy, im confused, idk what i want." After 11 mos of dating. She packs up her stuff and Me like an idiot is pleading his heart out telling her not to go. She says she wants space.

    2 days go by and I was making her a cheesy love book when I found that she was messaging another guy on FB a week before she dumped me. The chat was for like 2 hrs and ended with "here's my number, lets keep this on the dl."

    I give her the book and ask about the guy. She says he's a "friend." This really pisses me off and makes me angry so I pack up all her stuff that she had left at my house and leave it at her front door. She calls, I ignore, she plays the "give me respect" and so I answer. I drive back over to her house and tell her how upset she made me and what else was I supposed to do. Convo goes "Yes im interested in him, im not gonna lie to you about it out of respect."

    We have a huge blowout where things that should not have been said get said. I leave and we decide not to talk to each other for awhile.

    A week goes by with no communication and of course I'm devastated. So I felt that if I told her how I felt about her and that I do care about saving the relationship then the ball would be in her court. It started with a call then I got sick of just telling her how I felt so I thought I would show her and bring her flowers. She let me in, and invited me to her room to talk. I told her everything that I was feeling and how I don't want anyone else but her.

    She basically responded with "IDK, i dont want to hurt the other guy, you've hurt me so much already and I dont think he will hurt me." At this point I'm just hopeless so I tell her all the reasons why I want to be with her and she listens then asks me to tell her a story, I tell her the story of how we first met and she asks me to rub her back. She tells me that she feels like she wants to build a new relationship with him and that he wont hurt her.

    At the end I say, I wanted you to know that I care, I kiss her on the forehead and grab my stuff and she says she will walk me to my car.

    We get to my car and so I make a joke to lighten the mood, and she hugs me and notices how I've gotten slimmer from working out and how she "misses her honey bear." She asks me what time I will be at the gym tomorrow and that she might go. I hug her back, kiss her on the side of the head and tell her to go and I drive away. At this point I feel relieved because I've gotten everything off of my chest and feel like I can focus on being me now because I've said everything there is.

    Morning comes, I see her in the parking lot, she walks with the "guy" every morning and when she leaves. Yes he is from our same workplace and works with her.

    I dont say anything I just walk into work. I drive home and I'm really close to her mom and she has expressed that she is worried about me. So i decide to call her, she doesnt pick up. Next my Ex girl calls and asks "did you call my mom?" I said yes and why I called her. Then asked her if she was going to the gym. She says "no, i got somethings to do but I will go either weds or thurs." Her tone of voice is more happy and says that it was nice to say "hi" to me. I say ok Im still gonna go, bye.

    So what kind of angles can I play this from? I know she texts this guy, she has openly expressed interest in him and she doesnt want to hurt him. I know, move on, F her and all that. But... I legitimately love this girl and want to be with her, I love her family and friends and I just have a "feeling" about her I can't explain.

    Oh, she has even told me that it didnt seem like I cared because of my FB posts, (pics of me going out and getting coffee and stuff) how can I take advantage of the fact that she wonders what I'm doing.

    I want this girl back and I feel like im finally out of the desperation phase and ready to get on a gameplan. I know I made some very amateur moves but I dont think all is lost just yet.



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    Dude, it's over.

    She broke up with you, she is seeing another guy. You have acted needy, AFC, and rewarded her for the break up.

    You hurt her, and she doesnt want to be in a relationship with you anymore. Do yourself a favour and completely cut contact, and begin the healing process.

    Delete her off facebook. You dont want to see pictures of her and this new guy all over your newsfeed. Which will happen soon enough. She is moving on, and using this other guy as a rebound to get over the relationship, distract herself and move on, you should be doing the same.

    Game other girls, hit the gym as you have been doing, work on bettering yourself and being a better you.

    STOP being needy - Why would you buy her flowers? Why would you make her a love book? You are basically rewarding her for breaking up with you. Its like giving a puppy a treat after it shits in your loungeroom. You just dont do it.

    Dont call her mum either. She doesnt give a fuck. She isnt going to side with you, over her daughter. Its weird to be calling her to speak to her about this... Or really talking to her about anything after the relationship has ended. Cut her family from your life as well.


    The more you try to get her back, the more you try to 'show' her you love her, and the move you express your feelings of love and sorrow, the more you are pushing her away to this new guy, the more you are DLVing youself, and the more you are going to hurt yourself.

    Basically all is lost. The only way you will get her back, is to let her come to you. Dont go chasing her. She has to realise she made a mistake on her own, not have you figure it out for her. Just forget this one, and move on.

    Read Betterthan's how to handle a break up - Great thread on what you should be doing to move on.
    I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.
    ~ George Best
    The war between the sexes is over. Men won the second women started doing pole dancing for exercise.
    ~ Jacob Palmer

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    Quote Originally Posted by Portrait View Post
    Basically all is lost. The only way you will get her back, is to let her come to you. Dont go chasing her. She has to realise she made a mistake on her own, not have you figure it out for her. Just forget this one, and move on.

    Read Betterthan's how to handle a break up - Great thread on what you should be doing to move on.
    Yea I've pretty much come to terms with it, I just started reading Hudson's Ex2 system and holy shit was I wrong. I'm going to elevate myself to being something of value and maybe when this rebound is over I can move back in. I'm gonna make myself mysterious and just have fun.

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    She's gone. Sooner or later, you will realize that you are better off without her. We've all been there before, we all know how much it hurts to get dumped, especially when it comes as a surprise. From this point forward, never let her know it bothers you.

    Some good reading material:

    CLASSIC POST: "Kill Beatrice"

    Long term GF dumped me unexpectedly - How I've responded, Hope it helps

    BetterThan's How to Handle a Break-up

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    Ok small update, I got my head on straight, picked up magic bullets, Ex2, and Guide to Phone & Text game. Been NC her for a week now, she randomly text me last night saying,

    "Im thinking about you and missing all our good times "
    Me: nothing
    Her hour later: "a moment of weakness, disregard last message, sorry"
    Me 6 hrs later right before I go into work: "No worries"

    She didnt respond but as soon as we got off work she called me twice and I didnt pick up. I was thinking of waiting a day, saying my phone was on silent then calling her back and being happy. I've been going to the gym, multiple ppl complimenting me on losing weight, talking with a couple of girls and dating 1, DHV statuses since I know she looks at my FB, I know I love her but now its slowly turning into I just want to fuck her again then dump the shit out of her...Is this the right idea?

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    Quote Originally Posted by rockoshoo View Post
    Ok small update, I got my head on straight, picked up magic bullets, Ex2, and Guide to Phone & Text game. Been NC her for a week now, she randomly text me last night saying,

    "Im thinking about you and missing all our good times "
    Me: nothing
    Her hour later: "a moment of weakness, disregard last message, sorry"
    Me 6 hrs later right before I go into work: "No worries"

    She didnt respond but as soon as we got off work she called me twice and I didnt pick up. I was thinking of waiting a day, saying my phone was on silent then calling her back and being happy. I've been going to the gym, multiple ppl complimenting me on losing weight, talking with a couple of girls and dating 1, DHV statuses since I know she looks at my FB, I know I love her but now its slowly turning into I just want to fuck her again then dump the shit out of her...Is this the right idea?
    You are lying to yourself about the whole I just want to fuck her again and dump her thing. You still want her back. Dude this girl is toxic. We've all been there. Do yourself a favor and continue in the path you were going.

    Forget her. Do all the things you have been doing for yourself not to "get back at her". You are doing well just continue and don't look back. I know its easier said than done but you have been doing well.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rockoshoo View Post
    Ok small update, I got my head on straight, picked up magic bullets, Ex2, and Guide to Phone & Text game. Been NC her for a week now, she randomly text me last night saying,

    "Im thinking about you and missing all our good times "
    Me: nothing
    Her hour later: "a moment of weakness, disregard last message, sorry"
    Me 6 hrs later right before I go into work: "No worries"

    She didnt respond but as soon as we got off work she called me twice and I didnt pick up. I was thinking of waiting a day, saying my phone was on silent then calling her back and being happy. I've been going to the gym, multiple ppl complimenting me on losing weight, talking with a couple of girls and dating 1, DHV statuses since I know she looks at my FB, I know I love her but now its slowly turning into I just want to fuck her again then dump the shit out of her...Is this the right idea?
    Why dont you text her, 'you wanna fuck..' you've got nothing to lose.
    And only reply if she says yes or along those lines

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    Quote Originally Posted by sarflondoner View Post
    Why dont you text her, 'you wanna fuck..' you've got nothing to lose.
    And only reply if she says yes or along those lines
    LMAO I just literally came within a half an inch to pressing send. I cant right now though, I need some liquid courage!!!

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    @Op

    Here are the facts:

    1. She gets bored with you
    2. She finds another guy
    3. She gets to the stage where she is confident he wants her
    4. She leaves you
    5. You chase her back
    6. She hardens her resolve 'I don't want to hurt his feelings, I have a chance with him blah blah'
    7. You stop chasing for a week
    8. She starts to miss you

    If you send that text the story will continue as follows:

    9. You send "do you want to fuck?" / any text message at all
    10. She reminds you that it is over and it was just a moment of weakness.
    11. You beat yourself up over giving her back the upper hand.

    I find your response to this whole thing very unusual. If you girlfriend basically leaves you for another guy, why are you hugging her?


    You need to let yourself be angry at this girl. The general advise is to not show anger, but context matters a great deal - girl you just met who is shit testing vs. relationship of a year, big difference. Yes, there are monks who are fully actualised and never show anger, but they live up mountains on their own. Part of dealing with people is being assertive. I see it all the time at work, passive individuals bottling up all their rage and turning it into resentment and depression, assertive ones laughing.

    She is fucking another guy - where is your dignity? Don't fucking hug her.

    What you have here is a lack of principals, namely: Only fuck women who deserve it

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    Quote Originally Posted by Birthday View Post
    @Op

    Here are the facts:

    1. She gets bored with you
    2. She finds another guy
    3. She gets to the stage where she is confident he wants her
    4. She leaves you
    5. You chase her back
    6. She hardens her resolve 'I don't want to hurt his feelings, I have a chance with him blah blah'
    7. You stop chasing for a week
    8. She starts to miss you

    If you send that text the story will continue as follows:

    9. You send "do you want to fuck?" / any text message at all
    10. She reminds you that it is over and it was just a moment of weakness.
    11. You beat yourself up over giving her back the upper hand.

    I find your response to this whole thing very unusual. If you girlfriend basically leaves you for another guy, why are you hugging her?


    You need to let yourself be angry at this girl. The general advise is to not show anger, but context matters a great deal - girl you just met who is shit testing vs. relationship of a year, big difference. Yes, there are monks who are fully actualised and never show anger, but they live up mountains on their own. Part of dealing with people is being assertive. I see it all the time at work, passive individuals bottling up all their rage and turning it into resentment and depression, assertive ones laughing.

    She is fucking another guy - where is your dignity? Don't fucking hug her.

    What you have here is a lack of principals, namely: Only fuck women who deserve it
    #11 stood out to me, you're right. Now I havent replied back to her at all yet, and she still has my house key and i have some of her clothes still. How do I get my house key back w/o sounding angry and making her do all the work. I've asked for it back in person b4 and she replied with "i have it, its not like its not safe." This was when I didnt have a gameplan and i was a complete ass hat.

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