Date Beautiful Women Lsys-Ultimate
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 20
Like Tree2Likes
Discuss Relationship Advice on a Girl Who Still has Issues with Her Ex-Boyfriend at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Relationship Advice on a Girl Who Still has Issues with Her Ex-Boyfriend All right, guys. ...
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Gender:
    Age
    30
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Relationship Advice on a Girl Who Still has Issues with Her Ex-Boyfriend

    All right, guys. This is my first thread, but I'm no stranger to the community. I've been studying pick-up for over four years and it has completely changed my life. I went from an AFC nerd all the way through college to being able to attract beautiful women I've only ever dreamed of.

    I'm posting now because I have a bit of a relationship issue and don't know exactly how to proceed. I hope you guys can help.

    I've been seeing this girl for about 5 months now. It started out very casual as neither one of us were looking for anything serious. Eventually, we started spending more time together, and naturally, we became exclusive. I always knew that she had some ongoing issues with her ex-boyfriend. I actually told myself not to get involved with her seriously until those issues had subsided, however, I figured that maybe her entering into a new relationship with me would help her overcome some of these issues. I am certain that she believed the same.

    About a month ago, she got really drunk and ended up sleeping over at her ex's place. She told me nothing happened, and I believe her. Let's just accept that as fact. Regardless, I was upset and we talked it out. Since nothing happened, I was willing to brush it off and move on towards making us work. She promised it would never happen again. Recently, about 3 days ago. She got much too intoxicated again and we ran into her ex at a nightclub. She kept trying to get his attention and blatantly used me in an attempt to make him jealous.

    I saw what was going on, and tried to get her to leave. She refused to go and decided to stay. Long story short, I left her there and eventually, her ex drove her back to his place where she spent the night. Again, we talked it over and I am confident that she did not have sex with him, though she did sleep in his bed.

    I know it sounds bad, and with any other situation, I would walk away. Don't get me wrong, I have seriously considered leaving. I know that I would be fine and sure, there'd be someone better, but this is where I have my conflict. I know she wants to make things work with me. She's got all these great qualities and she's taken me on trips to San Francisco and booked me an all-expenses-paid vacation to Cancun in a couple of weeks for my birthday. Since our last talk, I told her that we would work through this issue at least until we come back from our trip. After that time, we would decide where we want this relationship to go.

    She hates her ex with a passion, but a piece of her is still stuck on him. He treated her poorly, cheating on her, sleeping around with different girls, verbally abusive, etc. He never gave her what she wanted and she tried so hard to make things work with him. I understand where she's coming from - she is in this constant struggle between her emotions and logic. She knows that the guy's a dick and that it would never work, but she can't completely let go.

    I'm just curious as to what you guys would do. Any great advice out there? Let me know if you need any additional details. Thanks in advance, guys!



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Gender:
    Age
    30
    Posts
    2,040
    Thanks
    7
    Thanked 124 Times in 119 Posts
    Mentioned
    18 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Sorry, posted accidentally before I'd finished:

    Worst case scenario:

    a) she fucked him twice

    b) you are lowering your value by staying with her

    Best case scenario:

    a) She didn't fuck him

    b) you are still lowering your value by being with her.


    Personally I'd let her go the moment she shows any more uncertainty. I would have already done it by now tbh.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Gender:
    Age
    25
    Posts
    414
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    She slept at the ex's house, in his bed.

    Fuck her one last time and leave her.

    Sent from my SGH-I727R using Tapatalk 2

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Gender:
    Age
    30
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Birthday:

    Thanks, man. I know exactly what you mean. Trust me, I've had those same exact thoughts. This is my game plan: make things work with her at least until we come back from Cancun. If I still have my doubts, I'll keep her around for casual sex and come out of retirement. Getting back into the game is just like riding a bike. I have no concerns about being single.

    dubman:

    She's honestly very good to me aside from those two slip-ups. I'm willing to look past those if we can get back on track without any other major issues. Again, I'll have a much better idea by the end of our trip to Mexico. I should also note that I'm never one to burn bridges. An ex-girlfriend or someone you used to date could always turn out to be a great resource to meet other girls or even great just for casual sex.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Gender:
    Age
    21
    Posts
    1,564
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 26 Times in 24 Posts
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    She had sex with her ex and you're trying to come up with reasons to defend her.

    Honestly, reading stories like this makes my stomach turn. Listen, when she did it the FIRST time, that's when you should've left. Instead, she did it a second time and you're still with her?

    Do you realize what the fuck is happening here? You're basically the one getting jerked around and soon you'll "hate" her but always have some sort of connection with her. She cheated on you, there's no denying that. I'm not ragging on you, simply telling you what's going on from a logical standpoint.

    Logically, you can find better women. Logically, she's not worth your time. Logically, you know what you need to do, rather, you focus on your emotions.

    Drop her. If you don't, you'll look stupid, she'll EVENTUALLY cheat on you (and admit it), you'll be TWICE as hurt, and you'll have made plenty of memories from your vacations with her only to be fucked over in the end.


    Who the fuck cares if she spent all the money ahead of time. SHE SLEPT AT HER EX'S HOUSE TWICE. DRUNK.

    Stop being a doormat.
    "The mind only acts as an enemy for those who do not control it."

    You only lose what you cling to. -Buddha

    Here's how I see it:

    Men act, women react. Don't take the woman's role.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Gender:
    Posts
    367
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts
    Mentioned
    6 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    This girl has no fucking respect for you.

    I got together with my bf soon after a previous relationship had broken up. I admitted that I still had some stuff to work through. But aside from a message I sent the ex that basically said "sorry for any bitchiness, btw stay gone" I have not contacted the ex since the day I broke it off. And I earnestly fell for my guy. I would not be caught dead in another guy's bed, let alone that ex's. I also wouldn't bother trying to make the ex jealous, fuck that. I don't care what the ex thinks, I care what my bf thinks. He's the one I'm with so if I'm gonna let anyone know what an upgrade he is, it's gonna be him.

    Your girl isn't even fucking trying, I'm sorry. How do you end up in your ex's bed twice? You guys know I normally come out with responses that are female-forgiving(duh, I identify), but this one is bad.
    Pardon me, I'll just be rubbing my tits all over your forum

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Gender:
    Age
    21
    Posts
    1,564
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 26 Times in 24 Posts
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by xbman13 View Post
    This girl has no fucking respect for you.

    I got together with my bf soon after a previous relationship had broken up. I admitted that I still had some stuff to work through. But aside from a message I sent the ex that basically said "sorry for any bitchiness, btw stay gone" I have not contacted the ex since the day I broke it off. And I earnestly fell for my guy. I would not be caught dead in another guy's bed, let alone that ex's. I also wouldn't bother trying to make the ex jealous, fuck that. I don't care what the ex thinks, I care what my bf thinks. He's the one I'm with so if I'm gonna let anyone know what an upgrade he is, it's gonna be him.

    Your girl isn't even fucking trying, I'm sorry. How do you end up in your ex's bed twice? You guys know I normally come out with responses that are female-forgiving(duh, I identify), but this one is bad.
    Agree with all of it.

    Shivan, you already look stupid in front of your "girlfriend". Stop putting up with the bull shit and break-up with her.
    "The mind only acts as an enemy for those who do not control it."

    You only lose what you cling to. -Buddha

    Here's how I see it:

    Men act, women react. Don't take the woman's role.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Gender:
    Age
    30
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    BetterThan:

    God, that was good to hear! Although, I'm quite certain that she didn't have sex with the guy those two nights, what she did was inexcusable for someone I would consider for a LTR. I intended to leave her after the first time and just have her eat the cost of the tickets and resort. I eventually looked past that and worked through it.

    The second time, I had her come pick up all of her shit from my place. I was DONE! Somehow, I made the decision to extend the relationship until we returned from our trip. I think a lot of the reason why had to do with me deciding beforehand that it was still worth working out if she did not sleep with him. She puts up a lot of effort, bringing me lunch, cooking me dinner, taking me on trips, etc. I know she is trying to make this work, but she can't get past her feelings for her ex.

    Yes, I know it's stupid; and the advice you gave me, is the same exact advice I would give someone else in my position. I guess it's different when you're in the situation and emotions and other things are considered. Honestly, I know that things would work out very well between us were it not for her ex and her ongoing issues with him, but the reality of it is that those still exist.

    And just like I would be in your shoes, I would be frustrated if this guy didn't take my advice because he's making decisions that are bad for him in the long term. Just like she's making decisions that are bad for her now. I guess it's hard to explain, but I know what I need to do. My conscience does tell me to at least wait it out until after our trip because I shouldn't be heartless, but I know I need to demonstrate to her that she'll lose me due to her stupid decisions. That's the only way she'll take action. She'll either shape up to make us work, or she'll go after her ex and I'll still be better off. I get it.

    So as much as you're going to hate me, I'm going to wait until after Cancun to end things with her and move on. I hope you understand that it's much different for someone who's gotten already so far involved, and I do very much appreciate your advice. It's a good slap in the face that I need right now. I will come back to read through it to remind me what I NEED to do. In the end, I'll find someone better. No doubt.

    xbman13:

    Thank you for being honest with me. It's great to get a female perspective on the situation. I know that you can't force someone to make a decision, but you can persuade them and make it their choice. If she really wanted to be with me, she would take the necessary steps to end things with him.

    For a moment, she did. She deleted his number, told him never to contact her unless it had to do with business. Her ex and her family have a business relationship and sometimes she needs to get involved. She got a separate phone for strictly business so that she wouldn't have to mix it up with her personal phone number. Eventually, she slipped again that drunk night.

    Thanks for rubbing your tits all over this thread. I know what needs to happen.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Gender:
    Age
    21
    Posts
    1,564
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 26 Times in 24 Posts
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    All right, man. But I'm telling you, just because you're invested, she already made the plans and you feel that you need to do this, you don't even know what can happen within the next couple weeks before the trip. What if she "accidently" sleeps at her ex's house again? What then?

    I'm not one to make up far-fetched in-the-future scenarios, but these are serious actions she's taking. I mean, at some point, she was head over heels in love with this guy. Just because she claims to hate him and never want to be with him does not mean that's what she feels inside. Women are fantastic at hiding their emotions, especially from their significant others. I've had friends that went through hell and back because they kept on pushing and pushing with no results. They believed (like you) that their girl was different, not like that, and would NEVER betray their trust - myself being one of these AFCs. I learned my lessons then and never looked back on the past. My last ex broke up with me because "she lost attraction to me". So I simply removed her from my life, haven't spoken in 5 months, she just requested me on Facebook two days ago to be my friend. The sad thing is I KNOW I can attract her back, but I'm just not interested anymore.

    As for your case, you didn't invest too much time into her (1+ years) so get out while you still can. Trust me, don't believe me. I want you to know that women like this WILL eventually come back to guys like you. So long as you're mature about the situation, she'll realize what she wants in a man. Yeah, time may not be on your side, but once you're clear-headed, not emotionally unstable, and can actually act with logic, you'll realize that she'll be back. She can't stick around with her ex forever if he's already cheated on her X amount of times, so when she matures she'll realize what she lost in you.

    Just listen to my warning: You can approach and even go on the trips, but honestly, don't hold expectations or invest too much of your time into her.

    That's all I ask of you. Other than that, good luck.
    "The mind only acts as an enemy for those who do not control it."

    You only lose what you cling to. -Buddha

    Here's how I see it:

    Men act, women react. Don't take the woman's role.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Gender:
    Age
    30
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    BetterThan:

    Thank you for the very thoughtful response. I agree with you wholeheartedly. All the advice from everyone else has been helpful as well. Here's the thing: I've been in situations with girls I've dated or ex-girlfriends where I've walked away with no intention of making things work down the road. I can say that in just about every case, the girl has come back wanting to make things work, promising things would change. At that point, I am no longer interested. I have moved on, and I can do better.

    I know that if I leave this girl, that I won't be going back. The only hope that this relationship would have is if when I decide to end things, she snaps back quickly to recover, otherwise I'll be too far gone. I know that not too much time has been invested in this relationship, but we have taken it pretty far with both of us meeting each other's families. Ideally, I'd like for it to work, but not like this. Not under these circumstances.

    My intention is to go on this trip, have a great time and move on. You're right. No expectations and no investing any further into the relationship. If she ever gets over her ex-boyfriend and if I'm still interested, we'll figure it out then. But for now, I'll enjoy the rest of it.

    Thanks again to everyone that responded. You have all been very helpful!

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. If a girl tells you her relationship issues
    By Clamh89 in forum The 18-21 Forum
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 05-04-2011, 10:47 PM
  2. If a girl tells you her relationship issues
    By Clamh89 in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 04-26-2011, 06:29 PM
  3. Replies: 1
    Last Post: 03-24-2011, 09:54 AM
  4. Girl with a Boyfriend & drama issues...
    By Da Proof in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 04-16-2010, 09:40 AM
  5. Question about girl on myspace with relationship issues
    By Yulopiari in forum Online Game and IMs
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 10-26-2007, 10:27 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  • Forum Rules



Facebook  Twitter