WTF situation with EX and NC
So me and my girl of 3.5 years split up exactly a month ago.
I was the longest boyfriend she had and the first to move in with.
She always said the reasons why she loved me was because i was, unlike her previous boyfriends and her father, a strong man that wouldn't let her steam roll over me.
She always pride herself at being great at socially manipulating people or emotionally controlling.
I was like an immovable object and she was like an unstoppable force.
Honestly we were a beautiful couple,...so into each other...and silly and fun....true best friends...head over heels for each other,...we were inseparable.
We always had people flirting with us and i never got jealous,..i was always proud to be walking around with a desired sexy girl....i was never judgemental or jealous.
She wasn't really used to having a boyfriend that would get hit on often,...but she seemed fine with the attention i got.
We had incredible sex,...she never had to fake orgasms,..i made her orgasm 12 times in less than half hour.
We have done it everywhere,..a church, stripbar, nightclub, in her parents bedroom etc etc
We were a very attractive couple...you could tell everybody was envious of us.
We were also very different.
She's Irish Canadian Catholic girl from the suburbs and I'm the free spirited, artist, tattooed persian city boy.
Her parents were for a lack of better word...racist.
Her brother who is gay spread rumors about me, that he saw me with other men in the toilet at a club etc etc.
Yet her girl friends all loved me because i treated them well, always looked out for them and was supportive of them.
We have a lot of mutual friends and we both frequent the same 2 clubs.
I introduced this little suburban catholic girl to the world of fetish clubs and its community,...though we are not into open relationships or anything like that.
Just a party where my girlfriend and her girls can go out and dress next to nothing without being judged.
SO, i created a safe environment where my girl can be sexually open and not feel so guilty all the time.
I should add that this is the type of venue that i went to 2 years before me and her hooked up.
fast forward to May 19th 2012.
We wake up, have sex, we both get off, we shower, i make breakfast, and before i know it we are breaking up.
Confusing as hell.
Specially because she kept saying: Is this what you want?
And i would reply: No this is not what i want, but clearly you do, and i just want you to be happy.
The next 2 weeks i became disgusted with myself because i showed such neediness.
I tried to maybe talk to her bla bla bla.
During the course of 2 weeks, she went from: my heart still belongs to you, to i'm not single but in limbo,..and 20 minutes later, i'm single and you are single.
I of course gave her all the power by trying to desperately fixing us.
Now even my uber alpha friends say that what i did is expected because 3.5 years is a long time and everybody would react a little crazy.
So after our last encounter when she said that we are both single, i stopped talking to her....full NC...no FB anymore and even deleted her number to avoid drunk dialing.
Now before i continue on the story, i should add that she has a few attractive girl friends and they all like me because i was always cool with them and would take them out with us and never made them feel lonely when they had boy problems,...basically super emotionally available and attentive.
In fact one the girls (lets call her DD) is this 29 year polish smoking hot stunner.
And on top of all that she's incredibly grounded and intelligent....she's also my ex's co-worker.
My ex loved her but also would show signs of insecurity,...like sometimes she would forget that DD is a mutual friend of ours and she would try to forbid me to hang out with DD,...she would say and i quote "you can't go out with MY HOT friend".
She even gave some of her friends ultimatums that they have to choose between me or her.
And DD refused to choose sides,...so that started to slowly tear them apart,...something i was very sad about because my ex needs a girl like DD in her life.
The day she properly ended us, i walked to the train station and called DD,...asking her for advice.
She said i should come with her and her friends for drinks and dancing.
My ex found out or most likely guessed about me and DD going out for drinks.
So she texted DD instead of me,..saying to her: "I can't believe i'm here at my parents house grieving and he's out with you...i think he should go home and do the same."
To which i told DD to reply back with the truth, that i'm in need of some distraction and thats all.
My ex replies to that by saying: Its fine, whatever, i don't care anymore.
clearly she cares...right?
Anyway me and DD had an amazing night and i started my full NC on my ex as of that day.
Now a week later i run into my ex at one of the two fetish clubs we go to.
She looks skinny and somewhat unhealthy (she's normally a bit fuller).
She sees me and puts on the best "I'm happy" smile she can,...it threw me off because there's no way she's happy.
She goes for a hug and small talk,...i gave her a one armed hug and spoke over my shoulder very briefly about my new pants.
I couldn't wait to fucking leave already....just wanted to scream and yell,...but i kept it very cool,..and cold....like almost indifferent.
But i decided to stay and man the fuck up,...besides,..no matter how many people she knows there,..i introduced her to that world.
So later that night she's with a couple that are friends with us both...lets call them K&D.
They come to me to hug me goodbye and i'm being my super sweet self and give the woman a nice hug and a little kiss goodbye.
But i didn't see that before the woman came over to hug me goodbye, that my ex was about to do the same and she got left hanging....you know like when someone tries to shake your hand and they are left hanging and become awkward...just like that...she was literally scratching her head.
Not my intention,...our friends K&D just cut her off,...but it somehow worked in my favor.
So now again i give my ex a one armed hug and even pat her back as if to say: ok kiddo leave me alone, thats enough.
Now that we have established that there are clubs we both go to,..she knows for a fact that i'm always gonna be there,..i live close by the clubs, i have the summer off work and i like to party.
Whereas she has to pay 30 dollar cab ride or a long ass bus ride from her parents house to the club.
Moving on to last saturday June 16th,..another Fetish party.
this time i'm with 4 girls (DD included) and 2 best guy friends.
One of my friends comes up to me and says: I just saw your ex in the bathroom,...she's leaving cause you are here.
For a minute there i contemplated leaving too,...but all my friends said: this is her way of trying to manipulate everybody in the club by making you look like a walking killjoy and an emotional bully....she's victimizing herself to gain pity in the process of making you look bad.
And if you leave then you'll be submitting to her controlling ways as well,...life does not start and stop at her convinience.
Also they said as they high five'd me that i am "winning",..i'm flipping the script on her.
Her last image of me was the former man of her dreams crying like a bitch begging for a chance.
And that now that i walked in with an entourage and stayed,..i'm reclaiming my position as the strong outgoing fun loving man.
The next day she pretty much broke up her friendship with DD,..despite the fact that they work together and that DD never chose sides (which is what pissed my ex off).
Some of my friends say i'm winning,..and that if i want her back (which i do very much so),...that i need to be that guy again who she fell in love/lust with...the cool and nonreactive guy that made her work for my attention.
Yesterday a friend of ours said that she told him: When its over, its over, there's no turning back.
Now, i'm not sure if i believe that entirely.
I introduced her to a world that not many men are comfortable with.
I was the longest she had by several years and the first to live with.
I was like her mentor in life to some degree
We had plans to start a family together in a few years.
Again the mutual friend part.
I should add that exactly a year before our break up,..her family ganged up on her to break up with me,..and we did (just didn't move out yet)...it lasted 2 days and then we had the most incredible dirty passionate make up sex.
Also when she and her best friend had a falling out,...several months later she called her up drunk and crying to wanting to work it out again...and they did.
So with that said,...i don't think she really believes that "when its over, its over".
Her pseudo aunt/former baby sitter loves me,...she told me that: right now its impossible to convince her of anything,...her mind is set on being apart and if she would come back to you she'd have to admit that she was wrong.
Her heart will eventually take over cause she's a very hyper emotional girl.
Also right now she's not so worried about losing you,...she knows that you'll run to her the moment she asks.
You need to move on with your life and be an even better man.
You two have been together for 3.5 years and have experienced a lot together,...she's a woman and will not forget you anytime soon.
Now i'm working on bettering myself even more, learning to cook, taking tantric massage class, working out a bit and overall trying to enjoy life as much as possible.
And this NC is very hard but i'm doing it and i will stick with it.
She knows that i can have women and that i'm not sitting at home all day crying over her.
My question to you guys and girls is how or what do i do if i know she's always gonna show up at the same club i frequent.
Should i stop going as part of NC or should i just soldier through it and continue to live my life and do what i intended of doing without her approval.
Also do you guys/girls think we can work it out or that she'll get in touch with me sooner or later to get back together...based on her previous patterns?
Very excited to hear what you guys have to say about the whole situation...and what you suggest i do.
much love and respect