Discuss Bit of a strange one; long distance. at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Bit of a strange one; long distance.
Hi, I'm new here and I wanted to ...
Bit of a strange one; long distance.
Hi, I'm new here and I wanted to ask some of you reassuring people some advice on my current situation.
Firstly, I've known this girl online for 9+ years. We had a strong friendship bond when we were younger and spoke online almost everyday. She's had boyfriends in the past and used to talk to me a lot about them and ask advice and I'd do similar things with her when I was dating when I was younger.
About 4 years ago she broke up with her RL boyfriend at the time because she had strong feelings for me. I was attracted to someone else at the time and granted, I could have handled the situation better I was an asshole and just stopped talking to her.
We broke contact for 2 years until we started chatting on and off again. During this time from around 09-10 she got into a serious long term relationship which eventually turned into an engagement. Her fiance fucked things up by being possessive, clingy/jealous and controlling. We continued talking for a year and a half until 2012.
She admitted again in January that she had feelings for me, I've felt a strong sense of guilt since I initially screwed her over and I have had feelings for her for a good while.
We both admitted them for one another and agreed to stay friends until I could visit this May. She told me she wanted me to be a part of her life. However, what seems to have happened is I allowed myself to slip into a mentality that she is mine and belongs to me. I've been jealous, clingy & possessive of her. I am strongly working on it though as I hate myself for being impulsive that way. She feels like she cannot handle that at all and wants no part of it due to her past relationship.
We had a fight last week about a lie that I had told. Basically, I asked for some advice on yahoo answers under a common username I use and she stumbled across it. She thought that was weird, the reason why she is pissed though is because one of the answers I had gotten on that post, I had told her a RL friend told me after I spoke to them about the advice I was looking for. (Was about her past experiences with men and how that I felt uncomfortable because I'm a virgin.)
For the past week she has withdrawn from contact under the basis that I am too clingy and possessive and get jealous of things she does. I have apologized to her and told her I am working on it but she feels she cannot trust me and I have broken her trust twice now because of that white lie.
I'm at a loss of what to do here, on one hand I would love to break contact and give her space but the thing is, she's already mentioned that she feels even if I did give her space for 2 weeks or w/e I would still become clingy again.
My friends say it shouldn't count because we've not actually gotten together in a relationship yet and I should still go over in May or sooner because there's nothing I can say or do online that'll convince her I'm trustworthy since she seems to have made up her mind.
She mentioned if I cannot cancel my holidays I have booked in May, then I can still come over and we could hang out as friends.
She says she's still really attracted to me but she just feels it wouldn't work because of said clingyness & jealousy. She is now saying that she doesn't even know if she wants a relationship. (She's between colleges atm and going through some anxiety issues.) I feel she is overreacting to this because I have realized what I was doing before she saw the post online and I feel she's now clumping them together.
I really want to work past this, it's making me feel sick inside just thinking about how stupid it all is.
I think better advice can be found on the beginner's forum. Relationships is really supposed to only include questions about people you've already slept with. Having said that you need to get out of the LJBFs. Read Savoy's article- it works. You need to disappear from her life a several weeks or even longer.
Edit: his post is how to get your ex back (you can find it in the relationships section). Good luck.
Thanks, I'll repost there. Is there a way to delete my threads?
Meet up with her soon, if not, just move on altogether. It was one thing when you were a kid, and kept in touch. Now it's a matter of getting together, even as friends, and just seeing if there's anything there.
Make the effort and go, and if it doesn't work out the way you want, it'll be easy to move on from. Just remember to have a good time, as if this is the last time you'll ever see her.
Thanks, I appreciate your different outlook.
Originally Posted by sdnightfly
In the mean time, i.e. between going there or not how should I play it? Stick to facts and limit the time I spend talking to her or just be friendly until I get my ass overseas? I don't want to be overbearing, but I need to talk to her if I'm going to go over there.
Just give her a time frame of when you think you'd be able to go and let her plan things out. Be friendly, because you don't know if she'll have a boyfriend by the time you go, but if she feels chemistry, she might rethink the guy she's with, even if nothing happens while you're there.
Originally Posted by VirgoGuy
After 9 years, it's time to meet up or move on.
Dude, I'm going to be real with you..
It's a waste of your time. Truly.
You're at the start of your journey. I've met many people on it.
You're 21 and a nerd I hope you know what I'm talking about when I say to get this below. Do this, Take notes, Review it, and move on to the Mastery edition and maybe beyond. In two years of practice, I swear to god, if you write back to this forum that you haven't gotten laid in that time span I will personally fly to wherever you are and teach you.
T0rent: "david de angelo Advanced dating techniques" to begin then his mastery program after your completely understand that.
2 years? Magic Bullets will get him there far sooner.
Originally Posted by Zerocontrol
Women have two types of toys: teddy bears and vibrators. Teddy bears are for when they are emotional and want to watch romcoms, and vibrators for when they want to get off. What toy are you?
To Boston 009: Ehh.... its too much too quick, and not as thorough, this guy needs the basics first then platform into magic bullets or something else. David De Angelo has programs that if you automatically engage you'll just become, and magic bullets is lacking in that manner. Magic bullets is not bad, but for our friend asking the question on this forum. I highly suggest the other if he's going to start his journey properly.
Back to you VirgoDude...actually.... I was in bed just going over your situation in my mind, and I got something to get her back to start talking to you and not seem clingy.
Write her "You're cant be mad about me because I lied over posting a question online to ask a community of people for help, using the internet for help is kinda weird and new for me.... but... what were you doing searching my username on the internet? That sounds a bit crazy to me.... you're totally stalking me... I knew this would happen... did you look up my porn star name too?
Yeah... you pretty much just ruined everything. I already had it all planned out that we were going to get married, have like 8-9 babies name each one of them after one of the seven dwarfs, and the last one we just name "Oops".... well because ..... it speaks for itself.
So..... I already bought this plane ticket, and its to this place called.... "blah blah" **AKA: whereever the fuk shes from** and I was hoping I could crash on your couch for a few days. I don't really know the areaa.... so I was looking for a tour guide... do you know where I might be able to find one?
I was hoping she may be able to speak in a Japanese/English accent when giving the tour.
*** Then when you're touring around the city, you can give her shit if she doesn't use the accent.***
Read over the above.... Kind of see the way I kinda teased, but in a fun way.... Overly sarcastic, and make things kinda covert, but fun.... Think teasing a girl like when you were in Kindergarten.
Good luck dude!
When you're with her, booty bump her, have a foot race, stop her with a random question or statement. "you're walking and she's talking, all of a sudden you stop and stop her by the shoulder, look her right into the eyes like she has a huge bug on her face slowly moving closer to her face, and then look into each one of her eyes till she blinks, and then say "Hahah You lost" She's going to ask what, and you sarcastically say the staring contest.... too bad. You owe me a soda now.
If this keeps up all day during other things for soda and other various things she "owes you" you can tease at the end of the night to play a game with you, bring a sex game with you.. like dice or something.
If you can master that shit before you go, you wont be a virgin when you come back.
Last edited by Zerocontrol; 03-29-2012 at 11:15 PM.
I'm saying that in 2 years, hes going to be a completely different person able to handle a lot of different kind of women well, and have many successes along the way. It really breaks down to how much a person puts into the program
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