If you were me, would you break up? (fuckin hurts right now)

Discuss If you were me, would you break up? (fuckin hurts right now) at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Blue, that might be the most impressive save from a nose-dive I've ever read about. ...

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  1. #21
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    Blue, that might be the most impressive save from a nose-dive I've ever read about. From your first post, to leaving her the phone message, I thought you were doomed, bro! Can't wait to hear the follow-ups and awesome job to everyone who contributed to saving this guy!



  2. #22
    bluehonour Guest

    Okay, now that the obstacle called Rain is removed, I can safely wander off! :-)
    Seriously though, Rain, I do not have enough material to start an MLTR thread but I want to share the following about MLTRs. So, I will just keep this thread going.
    I will not pose a question in the following subject; just a lesson to all of us wanna-be PUAs.
    Remember that second girl I sarged and dated to avoid one-itis for the main one? (New girl is a HB7) I made the mistake of going on a third date with her. I will explain why it was a mistake, IMO.
    The fact that I have feelings for my main girl might have made me "hard to get" to the new girl (no, neither of the girls know about the other). I don't know, somehow this new girl was a little easy. At the third date, we went to a bar, she bought me a beer and talked to me about her work, life etc etc for about an hour. Besides the boringness of her conversation, I entertained myself counting the IOI's I was getting. At the end of the night, we left the bar and she held my hand on the street. I drove her to her car. A heavy make out session took place in the parking lot. I mean, anything but an f-close...
    Now, it all sounds good except... I came home with a big chest pain due to my dishonesty. The initial purpose of dating this girl was to avoid one itis. I think I took it too far by making out with her.
    I built in so much character to my relationship with my main girl. I explicitly told her that talking to a girl in a bar would mean nothing to me as compared to what we have. I could be talking to girls in front of her and she wouldn't feel threatened knowing that I am just socializing and not really interested in flirting (this is not based on actual events, just my guess). She is loyal to me in the same way.
    After all that work, look at the shit I did. I had a tough time getting over this mistake. My best friend knows this and he seriously helped me get over my hard time. I still could not tell about this to my main girl because I know she would drop me that second. I am just not man enough to lose her on this mistake.
    From now on, I am very careful about honesty issues. No girl is worth losing character. Don't make my mistake guys. Come clean to everyone.
    Second topic...avoiding needy behavior vs. managing life to see each other. There will be a question at the end.
    Let me explain. My main girl lives about 45 min away from me. I am very busy with my PhD work these days. I last saw her last weekend. This weekend, I was planning to work on Saturday all day and night. To my surprise, I was able to get out at night. Called her at 9pm and she said she was tired from her day work and didn't come. I said fine, went out and sarged a bunch. On sunday morning, she called and invited me to a BBQ. I was watching the world cup final at the time so I talked to her on the phone for half a minute (I normally would talk longer, this is another shot at avoiding neediness). Later I decided not to go to the BBQ because I had some work to do.
    Now, I COULD delay the work to see her but putting my work aside for her sounded needy to me. So I called her and said no go. She says "fine, maybe I will see you one of the weekdays" (by the way, everyone, please notice the lack of neediness this girl has. I respect this behaviour so much).
    I hang up the phone and get to work. This all sounds good except that I am afraid our busy lifes might take over and we might see each other TOO rare. Yes, my preferences are definitely work right now, I am very clear about this. However, I do have a fear of losing her because of my choices and such a loss sounds stupid. I want to find a clever way of keeping things together. I want it all and there must be a way. Any ideas?
    Last edited by bluehonour; 07-09-2006 at 11:22 PM.

  3. #23
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    Bro I tell you what, not to flatter myself but I think the advice you will read on this post of mine will put you wayyyyy further ahead than the other bits of advice.
    I once felt like you, and then twice. It came to be a third time I felt like you (my third g/f) and then I realized what I had to do. Tell her off, exclusively. Yes I know you love her, but she doesn't love you as much as you need her to, and she WILL NOT WORK for you. There are girls out there, much more compatible for you. Yes she may be fun, hot, interesting, etc.. but ALL THINGS CONSIDERED she is not the type of girl you see yourself with. She is NEVER going to change to fit the image that you wish she was. Drop her, do this for yourself. Tell her off. Meet with her in person and dont stop talking to her until EVERYTHING is off your chest. Vent!!!! Do it, just fucking vent bro. Tell her you found someone better looking and you are with her now. Tell this girl you want your time back, you want all the time back into your life that you spent on her, it was the biggest regret you ever made. Now walk away like you are the sexiest man on the planet. Her jaw will hit the floor, keep walking.
    Under no circumstances will you speak with her again. This girl thats giving you troubles, will now be more attracted to you than she ever has been. She will proceed to call you, but you will never answer. YOU WILL FEEL WONDERFUL, better than you have in a long time. Make sure that your new girlfriend always picks up, or returns each phone call, but never let her speak directly to you. When you create this barrier, she will become frustrated. The girl I did this with, left messages while crying, saying she just wanted to give me head one last time, begging me please. You will officially be several notches above this girl, and feel wonderful. My ex had kissed another guy and I held in my emotions for several months. Give or take some things to fit your situation. This is my method.
    [I am constantly wearing a flame resistant suit. It will not be possible to flame this post, regardless of the material.]

  4. #24
    bluehonour Guest

    MoneynStyle,
    First of all, thanks for your effort for constructive input. The point you raised helped me clarify some of my issues altough I don't agree with you completely. I think we are right on about getting to the roots of the problem here. I ask you, Rain and others to please respond to this posting of mine with your takes.
    Now, you are correct that she is not giving me as much love and attention as I want from a woman. This is absolutely, 100% correct. From the earlier discussion in this thread, I labeled this desire of mine for more love as "neediness" and began trying to oppress it. I think, this is the right thing to do - up to a degree.
    Now, after the issue you raised, I have the following question. What is the reason behind me not getting enough attention from her? I can think of three possible answers:
    (1) I am the most needy person on the planet. I should get over myself.
    (2) Her character doesn't allow her to give more love and attention. She is like that and she can't change.
    (3) My game is not tight enough and therefore, she doesn't feel that attracted to me actually.
    I think the right answer is (3). I do think that she has the "capacity" to feel extremely attracted for someone and literally chase him around. I also know that she is looking for a guy with tight mystery method techniques. Alphaness, cocky and funny are all things that she admittedly enjoys. (Example: We watch Curb Your Enthusiasm starring Larry David. This guy, IMO, is a perfect natural. My girlfriend keeps saying how she loves him blah blah)
    Looking back, I think that the reason behind me feeling needy in the first place and starting this thread is written above. I am feeling that my game is not tight enough to get this hot girl HOOKED on me. And that hurts my ego.
    What are the solutions to this? To get my game tighter. I am saying to myself "stop crying for attention like a baby, and do what it takes to get what you want." Namely, get your game tighter.
    Please comment on my conclusions.

  5. #25
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    Just keep on with the push/pull type stuff and make sure you say "no" to her regularly enough and keep your own life. She wants a strong, challenging man, and you probably want to be that strong, challenging man. Be a leader, and keep her engaged. Think about some alpha males out there (e.g., Gene Simmons, Tom Cruise, James Bond -- probably all better examples than Larry David) and before you do things, ask yourself if it's something these guys would do. Don't kiss her ass, but challenge her to kiss yours regularly enough, with a smile and a wink.
    Starman says: Always reach for the stars.

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