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My first major heartbreak... This one matters

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  1. #1
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    My first major heartbreak... This one matters

    I can't believe i'm posting this right now. I can't eat. I can't sleep. My girlfriend of almost one year dumped me yesterday because she is confused. I have been with many other girls and never gave a shit about ending those relationships, however I finally found a girl I live being in an ltr with.

    We meet a year ago. She was having a rocky relationship with her ex. I had a bad relationship with my old ex. We both ended our relationships and began seeing rather causally. After a couple of months we became exclusive and had an amazing summer.

    I am five years younger than her. This has always been an issue for her, even though I've told her my priorities are the same. She is pms'ing really bad this week and yesterday said she is feeling very confused and feels like her heart isn't in it right now. I have a feeling this might have to do with her ex as well. I have gone no contact but I feel lille I want to see her one last time to get some things off my chest.

    I never told her I loved her (I didn't want to rush things), and how I really was planning for a future with her. I feel like her knowing these things might help her come back to her senses, or maybe i'm completely wrong.

    I've never been hurt this bad my whole life. I was convinced this was the girl I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I haven't spoken to her since yesterday and don't know what the best way to salvage the relationship is, or if it is even possible.

    I really need your advice guys cause right now my head is super clouded and I have no faith in being able to meetanother girl who can make me feel like she did.



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    First of all, its important that you take care of yourself (eating and sleeping) so that you can make good decisions. Feeling confused and that her heart isn't in it right now does not exactly sound like being dumped. PMS is nothing to scoff at. It really messes with our minds and feelings and is proabably not the best time to have a relationship talk. Taking a little time to cool off and figure out what you want is a good idea. It will also allow her to cool down. It does sound like you have a lot of things to say to her. Listen to yourself and to the advice you get here about how best to proceed. Not sure myself if it would be better to tell her all of the things you are thinking or only some of them. I guess the lesson to be learned is to make sure the woman knows you are planning something or she might think it doens't mean anything to you.

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    Use the time to take a break from her and get a clearer head instead of thinking about it.

    You didn't have it in you to tell her you loved her in a year?? And I agree, it doesn't sound like she's dumping you - she needs time to think. You were both in relationships and didn't really think. Maybe that's what your gf is doing.

    Give her space, and more importantly, look at the space as time to take a breath, do your own thing for a while, and don't feel like you can't talk to other girls, but just reconnect with people you hadn't talked to in a while.

    You need the time to figure out why your previous relationship went bad, and if there's anything that happened in the past couple of months that was repeating itself.

    The 5 years can be a big difference for some people, for others it isn't - I don't think your age difference is that significant, but should have asked her why she feels it's a big deal. Being judged by others? If that's the case, say goodbye to her, because she's going to be worried too much about what other people think to make the relationship work.

    I would see this as a break for now, a short break, and see if she tells you more about what's going on. Best thing to do is not beg her back or try to justify why you should be with her. If you can keep your calm and just talk to her a few times about why she's not feeling it, and let her answer openly without judgment, you might be able to move forward from it.

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    Hi,

    First things first. Read Savoy's get your ex girlfriend back thread. It has everything you need in it to get things back good in your life again.
    I'm going to give you the usual disclaimer. Bet against the advice on these forums, Savoys thread at your peril. People here have studied, experienced, been there done that a million times before. The advice you get comes from an objective place which will be very hard for you to be right now.
    Ok now that thats done.

    I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. Right now you need to give her as much space as she needs to figure out what she wants. This may not play out the way you would like it to. Getting her attraction back means showing her that you have a life for yourself outside her. She wants you to tell her that she is a priority in your life (reassurance) but she wants you to show her that while she is a priority, she is one of many priorities, your world is not built entirely on her. You have your own life.
    Go no contact. Take up new hobbies. Make new friends. Practice talking and having fun with other women. You don't have to go sleeping around , just start having fun.
    The guy that is having fun, is secure, lives a good life, is a lot more attractive to your ex than the guy who is wallowing, feeling sorry for himself, 'take me back, I love you'.
    Read the oneitis thread , kill beatrice. It's gold. Read way of the superior man , to get your inner game back. Practice the stuff you learn in that book even if it is counter intuitive right now. The inner game stuff in that book is right up there with Magic Bullets. When you have your inner game sorted, start reading magic bullets. Read posts from guys on these forums who have been there, done that and come out the other side 10 times better than they were before. Some of the people here that inspired me when I got hurt by that one special snowflake were archeress, queen bee, D3tail, brfcpaul, etc... Some amazing posts by these guys. Look at their recent posts and compare them to the first posts that were made when they found these forums. Sound a lot like yours? Because most people here have been where you are now and have come out the other side. So again, ignore this advice at your peril.
    Good luck bro.

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    Hello mate, i m gonna give u a short advice... dont rush.. whatever you say/do now will get you in a worst place... i mean if you say what you have in mind ( love-afc thinks when she dumped you ) and she doesnt respond like you want ( or wish ) u ll get x2 worst... So... give her space, thats the best you can do when someone ask you for some time, so she will miss you... she must not have you as a granted..

    Ok 2nd... ur 23 and she is 28... are you sure u want to settle with this woman? i mean you have 7-10 years that you can enjoy your life before u end up with ONE girl, i know its hard to think that way now, but give it a try when you calm down...

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    Quote Originally Posted by salsabor View Post
    Hi,

    First things first. Read Savoy's get your ex girlfriend back thread. It has everything you need in it to get things back good in your life again.
    I'm going to give you the usual disclaimer. Bet against the advice on these forums, Savoys thread at your peril. People here have studied, experienced, been there done that a million times before. The advice you get comes from an objective place which will be very hard for you to be right now.
    Ok now that thats done.

    I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. Right now you need to give her as much space as she needs to figure out what she wants. This may not play out the way you would like it to. Getting her attraction back means showing her that you have a life for yourself outside her. She wants you to tell her that she is a priority in your life (reassurance) but she wants you to show her that while she is a priority, she is one of many priorities, your world is not built entirely on her. You have your own life.
    Go no contact. Take up new hobbies. Make new friends. Practice talking and having fun with other women. You don't have to go sleeping around , just start having fun.
    The guy that is having fun, is secure, lives a good life, is a lot more attractive to your ex than the guy who is wallowing, feeling sorry for himself, 'take me back, I love you'.
    Read the oneitis thread , kill beatrice. It's gold. Read way of the superior man , to get your inner game back. Practice the stuff you learn in that book even if it is counter intuitive right now. The inner game stuff in that book is right up there with Magic Bullets. When you have your inner game sorted, start reading magic bullets. Read posts from guys on these forums who have been there, done that and come out the other side 10 times better than they were before. Some of the people here that inspired me when I got hurt by that one special snowflake were archeress, queen bee, D3tail, brfcpaul, etc... Some amazing posts by these guys. Look at their recent posts and compare them to the first posts that were made when they found these forums. Sound a lot like yours? Because most people here have been where you are now and have come out the other side. So again, ignore this advice at your peril.
    Good luck bro.
    I did precisely this, and it made me far and away a better man than I was, and I am happy. Follow this advice, and this will be you in a month.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2gcpFU-78k

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    Thank you so much for the advice guys.

    I read the ex2 system and that has helped quite a bit. I have read magic bullets and had my game pretty tight before her and I became exclusive. Though you are right it has almost all gone down the drain. I took the day off for myself today, did tons of reading and got a good workout.

    Here's where I get worried. She sent me 2 pictures this morning that we took of interesting things we saw on one of our first best dates. I was positive and funny in responding. I don't know if I should ignore her texts or not. I don't know if she is trying to just help her own healing to get over me or showing me that she is thinking of me. What do I do when she contacts me?? Keep the short positive friendly responses or ignore (I will not be initiating any contact for the next 3 Weeks)... I don't want her to think I would never give her another chance and discourage her from trying.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dubman View Post

    I don't know if she is trying to just help her own healing to get over me or showing me that she is thinking of me. What do I do when she contacts me?? Keep the short positive friendly responses or ignore (I will not be initiating any contact for the next 3 Weeks)... I don't want her to think I would never give her another chance and discourage her from trying.
    Actually, you want EXACTLY for her to think you might not give her a second chance. That will make her want you, lol. Ignore literally 100% of what she sends you, unless she asks for some of her things back.

    She's just dealing with her own mistake right now. Ignore her

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheshire View Post
    Actually, you want EXACTLY for her to think you might not give her a second chance. That will make her want you, lol. Ignore literally 100% of what she sends you, unless she asks for some of her things back.

    She's just dealing with her own mistake right now. Ignore her
    Will do thanks. So it is ok for me to contact her after the 3 Weeks of no contact?

    Sent from my SGH-I727R using Tapatalk

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    Hey dubman, I don't have advice on how to get her back, but understand this:

    Break ups suck.
    They happen to everybody.
    Let me clarify,
    REALLY BAAAD BREAK UPS SUCK AND HAPPEN TO EVERYBODY.

    So maybe you can take comfort in that what you're feeling is not unique. Everyone has these things happen to them, or else they arent living life and are an emotionless robot.
    Whether you guys get back together or not, know that this is only temporary, is just a part of life, and that sooner than you can imagine right now, you'll be feeling great.

    Try to hang with some of your buddies to take your mind off of things, listen to other people's post saying to not contact her, and most importantly,

    Take care of yourself man

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