Discuss Applying stuff learned on here at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Applying stuff learned on here
Hey guys been reading tons of posts on here and ...
Applying stuff learned on here
Hey guys been reading tons of posts on here and as of yesterday started using some of the stuff I've been reading as far as not being as needy emotionally/physically and being also trying to be a rock when it comes to my feelings. I've been dating my girl for three years and I was lined up to be AFC for sure but now my confidence is way higher having a better understanding on how attraction works. Before I'd let my feelings get the best of me and I'm sure she saw it.
However Yesterday when I was with her she said I was acting weird not trying to hold her hand as much and she said when I was talking to her it was like I was talking to one of my friends. I didn't think so I was trying to tease her and be funny every chance I got. And then today we were laying in bed together and she wanted me to rub her back but I wanted some attention first so I just laid there smiling at her looking into her eyes. She was getting visually frustrated for a few minutes and she was saying things along the lines of wow you dont care enough to rub me your just gana lay there? But i refused to give in and didnt show her that anything she was saying phased me then finally she rolled over and came to me. Any other time I just would of gave in. I hope I'm going about this the right way, what do I say when she says I'm acting weird tho lol? I know she'll say it again as I am acting completely different but it does honestly feel great having her putting in more effort than me for once. Her comfort zone has to be so high how we were before so things def have to change, I read somewhere about how tension is extremely important, is her getting frustrated like that the right stuff to go for?
Not very right way IMO. If a girl gets frustrated, you're overteasing, you need to reward the effort she's putting into getting closer to you. Approach like yours was typical of me when Mystery Method and David D were the shit. No offense, but those are just not as efficient as current methods.
Actually, by virtue of your own sex drive, you should want to rub her (at least back) on your very own - you just need to make sure it is deserved. In your case it probably was long before she asked for it.
And then today we were laying in bed together and she wanted me to rub her back but I wanted some attention first so I just laid there smiling at her looking into her eyes.
Originally Posted by CMPitts
Originally Posted by Soul
She had her back facing me the whole time, when she rolled over onto me and acknowledged that I was there too I did it back if that's what you mean. It took a little while as she was obviously not used to that
You're doing fine, you rewarded her for good behavior. If she asks, "Why are you being weird" again, just say, "I'm not, baby." with a light smile on your face reassuring her that everything is fine.
Originally Posted by Mike4625
"The mind only acts as an enemy for those who do not control it."
You only lose what you cling to. -Buddha
Here's how I see it:
Men act, women react. Don't take the woman's role.
Remember, the rules of "the game" don't really apply in a relationship. Of course you should never be AFC anytime in life. However, the game is made for picking up girls NOT keeping them.
Yeah I know it doesn't really apply
In all aspects however I def needed to start rebuilding attraction somehow. Everything we did was becoming so routine and i still need to work on becoming more of a challenge for her
Well, just be careful you don't do it to the point that you start breaking down the good that you have, otherwise you'll be one of the many who come back onto this forum crying in their milk because their 'girl' has gone off them.
Sure, a bit of a playful challenge here and there keeps her on her toes. Nothing wrong with that. But if you're not holding her hand and she likes that/gains reassurance from it, then at what point does she begin to question the relationship? What is more likely to happen is that she'll start getting insecure and jealous, which will make you feel very powerful and in control....until she opts out...and which point you'll become totally AFC 'cos that's what happens when these 'games' are just that and not who you really are.
So maintain the challenges as playful, small, teasing, testing, if you like. But don't keep pushing it to the point where you undermine what you've got that is possible.
If the relationship had become too routine, it's because you weren't leading it effectively. It's the man's job to lead a relationship in terms of activity and growth. You being a total 'man' in your own life is the way to spark and maintain attraction, interest and respect in her. That means having your own mission, being decisive and well boundaried. Playing little games that are designed for 'gaming' women are dangerous in the hands of the inexperienced .
Know that feeling brah. It's a thin line between being a complete asshole and ruining the relationship.. or being a complete push over.. and ultimately the relationship will ruin you.
I've often thought that maintaining a long term relationship is far tougher than just picking up women, it requires such strong inner game, and being able to balance everything.
There are so many books on how to pick up women, but very few of them teach you how to act once you have established a serious relationship.. but then again, some lessons are best learned on your own.. often the hard way.
If you find any interesting reading on improving inner game/maintaining relationships, let me know. I know I could often do with reading some..
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