Discuss Hi I would appreciate help with my situation. I AFC'd pretty hard and need advice at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Hi I would appreciate help with my situation. I AFC'd pretty hard and need advice
Hi I would appreciate help with my situation. I AFC'd pretty hard and need advice
Alright so I AFC'd really hard. Probably as hard as I have ever done in my life. Im just going to state that to put it out there that I messed up and I know it. Now it would be really amazing if someone could help me out. Thanks in advance!
So in a nutshell: I asked out a girl prematurely.
In more detail: So I have been talking to this girl for about a month+. This girl is not your typical HB. I would only rate her a 6-7, but personality wise and interests wise, she is my IDEAL girl. basically into video games, anime, cosplaying, things like that, although extremely shy. I'm afraid ive become hopelessly attatched. She was a fellow student and I met her while she was working as a technician in my college's tech lab. The moment I entered I opened, DHVed, my friend came in a minute later so I had social proof, got her laughing and giggling a lot, he winged me for a bit to boost my image, but i had to leave because we were in the middle of printing something for class. for the next month id visit her at work on thursdays for an hour or two. my failing throughout these interactions, i realize now is that i stayed in attraction and barely dipped into qualification or comfort or physical escalation at all. This is the way our interactions usually go: She never returns my calls even though i use prescripted voicemails like those in TUPATG. in person she is extremely compliant and happy to see me, what you would expect of a girl who likes you, but via texting she is usually lousy. although via instant messaging she is a lot better as well. conversations go pretty well, lots of pet names, role plays, divorces, children, etc. although halfway through i forgot to use callback humor like that because for some reason she pulls the AFC out of me :/
the second week i talked to her we had a mini date where i took her accross the street after she got off work at 10 and literally bought milk and cookies with her and sat in my car and talked for about an hour [this might be afc comfort because i used no routines and everything i learned in books dvds and interviews went out the window]
then the third week i went out with her to coneys hotdog in west hollywood after she got out of work and we had a pretty amazing time. Another thing i did wrong was that i played it too cool and usually did not talk to her much during the week.
4th week nothing happened because she had to get home to study for a midterm.
5th week, took her down to west hollywood again for the halloween party. She insisted on inviting friends and rode with them instead of me when i was the one who asked her. at the carnival she was the same as she usually was
6th week i just visited her for 5 minutes, gave her a slice of my day, DHVing and leave, getting me a "oh what? why are you leaving so soon!?" reaction, where at first she was a little indifferent that i was there talking to her.
then subsequently its been very hard to get her to go out with me, although that is my fault because ive asked her in AFC type of ways, always forgetting to timebridge.
as of now, we have been talking about going to PMX, an anime convention, this past weekend as our "vague future plan" as recommended by the interview series. i canceled on her saying i gave my ticket away because i had a camping trip with my church kids.
And the Fail of Fails:
the day before this i put a lot of effort into qualifying, attraction as i could while she was at work in the tech lab. [she just sits there basically] but as there was a class going on i couldnt kino at all. when i went silent to test compliance she would initiate conversations. So I got a little too excited for November 11th, thinking it would be the perfect day to ask her out, girls are into anniversary dates like this and 11/11/11 seemed too good an opportunity to pass up. i wrote my wish on a strip of paper, folded it into a star[asian style] and put it in a cute little jar with some colored sand and gave it to her telling her to open it at 11:11. she loves things like this and loved it when i gave it to her. since that friday night she hasnt said anything to me at all, not that ive initiated anything. i dont know how to proceed, i dont know what kind of damage control to do, and now im hopeless. i was thinking of just not bringing it up and talking to her normally with ivd's and stories and such.. if worse comes to worse ill do savoy's "im going to make this absolutely clear that im not going to stop hitting on you" routine to stay out of the friend zone, but yeah, now im basically lost.
heres what it said in the star if this helps: "There’s this girl who makes me smile like no one else can. Shes adorable even though shes kind of a dork. We’re already married..and divorced.. and married again.. but I wish that HB will be my girlfriend. (:"
SOOOO AFC... i dont know how she gets that side of me to come out.. Thanks again guys!
Last edited by starbai; 11-14-2011 at 02:18 PM.
Reason: removed HB's name
you HAVE to escalate physically and touch her, you can get friend zoned pretty badly.
I personally don't kino a lot (if not at all) during the initial stages, but that fits my personality, and it is kind of a way to not give her any extra attention.
But when it's time, i DO kino and I do it hard, and it becomes a way to reward her. But there is no way to escalate things towards sex if you do not touch her at all.
If you don't kino, and then ask her out, well, you know the result
I would say hey, your earned your stripes, go on to the next one! (and don't forget to touch her [respectfully])
You talk to her as a friend, but have no idea what her romantic or sexual side is like.
so is there no way for me to fix my situation then?
You probably creeped her out with that note. Did you ever kiss her? If no then she probably sees you as just a friend.
Thanks for all the help analyzing my situation, and I appreciate it, but it would be awesome if someone could help me figure out the next step to take..
So far I've had no contact with her whatsoever since last Friday. She hasn't even said "no" yet.. But im assuming its implied.
You never answered my question. Did you two ever at least kiss?
You should never ask a girl out if you haven't even kissed her. Without any sexual escalation then she can only think you are either:
b) just a friend
c) someone who's interested, but too scared to make a move
To clarify on c, though... the right move would be to sexually escalate to some degree, not ask her out!
She's avoiding you because you creeped her out. The next step is to move on and learn from this.
No I did not kiss her, but we did dance together at the Halloween party. So this is a lost cause?
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