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Was my break up justified?

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    Was my break up justified?

    Long story short, me and ltr were watching TV just hanging out. She opens up her laptop to do something for work, and a guys name pops up on skype, I didnt think much of it she explained all her facebook friends linked with her skype. Then she opens up her facebook, I told her let me check out your messages, and I saw a message from him saying "bye baby", she closes the computer when she noticed I saw that. Then she goes on a whole thing about me not trusting her. I was like just tell me why this guy is telling you bye baby, let me read the rest of the messages, she deletes them. So then I go, I didnt really like what I saw, could you just delete him so we can bury this. She was like no I dont want too, you should trust me. I told her seriously if its not a big deal just delete him. She didnt, I was like I aint playing these games, I broke up with her. She calls me minute later telling me that she deleted him. She's acting way guilty, I dont know what to believe, am I making a big deal about this, or am I justified?



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    Long story shorter:
    1. You observe an event.
    2. You get jealous.
    3. You make a big deal of the event.
    4. You try to make her do something she does not want to.
    5. She refuses.
    6. You break up with her.

    Is this justified if she did the same to you?

    In the end, you broke up with her without knowing if 'she was cheating'. If she was, then she will go to that guy and you lose. If she was not, then you lose because you broke up with her over a petty argument. If you can't respect her privacy, then I guess the trust issues would have led to the doom of the relationship sooner or later.

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    "Bye baby" and the fact that she was hiding things from you pretty much says it all. People who don't have anything to hide won't act shady like that.

    She could have easily said that the "bye baby" comment was harmless and showed you the other messages with the guy.

    In fact she could have done this:
    "Well here you go asshole, here are all of my private messages. As you can see there is nothing going on. Feeling like a douchebag yet? Yeah, I bet you do. Now kiss my butt or I'm dumping your pathetic ass."

    But she chose not to. Instead, she quickly deleted them all. Why delete them if there's nothing to hide? Because she had something to hide. Simple as that.

    Your feelings are justified, BUT here's where you went wrong:

    You shouldn't have reacted. You should have kept a mental note of it, but overtly ignored it. If this became an ongoing pattern for a period of time, then you should have addressed it with her later on.

    Anyway, what's done is done and its time to move forward.

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    Odds are likely that she was cheating or at the very least up too something that she knew would overstep your boundaries.

    But from the sounds of it this relationship was already on it's downfall.

    So the question is not about whether or not the breakup was justified but rather if it was inevitable.
    theattractionforums.com/relationships/145617-why-your-relationship-sucks
    theattractionforums.com/relationships/153112-insecurity-lack-trust-cheating-relationship
    theattractionforums.com/general-discussion/153452-how-properly-use-kino-read-comment

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    It could be that she was cheating, or was liking the attention. Dont anybody front in here like they never do that at work or something, a girl hitting on you calling you "honey" sets off chemicals in the brain that makes you happy, even if you have wife at home with 6 kids. The issue lies in that she was covering it up. If you are overly jealous and intimidating, then maybe she didnt want to escalate what might have been small, otherwise, she was flirting back.

    You cant stop a woman from cheating, you cant stop anyone from doing anything, all you can do is change their mood (dont remember where I read that at) and hope to change behavior with that. I am a vengeful dude, so I would line up the next girl as an option, but thats another topic. I would act like nothing phases me, explain your side of things in the best way without showing weakness, too much jealousy (not that I am threatened by any man, its just the principle of it, the loyalty of a woman is what i find ATTRACTIVE-), if you open up to her in some way, its possible she might spill what shes thinking. Just dont let this ruin things, if someone will ruin it, let it be her, not you pushing her to do it. To get a guy to break up with her bf is to get him jealous and controlling, dont do it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by miaddict View Post
    Long story shorter:
    1. You observe an event.
    2. You get jealous.
    3. You make a big deal of the event.
    4. You try to make her do something she does not want to.
    5. She refuses.
    6. You break up with her.

    Is this justified if she did the same to you?

    In the end, you broke up with her without knowing if 'she was cheating'. If she was, then she will go to that guy and you lose. If she was not, then you lose because you broke up with her over a petty argument. If you can't respect her privacy, then I guess the trust issues would have led to the doom of the relationship sooner or later.
    How does he lose if she actually was cheating and he breaks up with her? If that's the case, he just saved himself a lot of trouble and heartache down the road. Who cares if the other guy gets her? Let him have her. Life is not a competition, what's good for one is not necessarily good for the other. And I say, good riddance.

    Sometimes you don't need the smoking gun to break up with someone. That was really shady of her to delete the messages, after you happen to see "bye baby". What reason do you have to trust her after you see something like that?

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    Just look at it this way, if you had been chatting with a girl and she left that, what would your girlfriend do?

    Just the fact she was deleting messages meant she hid something she didn't want you to see.

    It doesn't matter if she cheated or not. You don't want to be in a relationship where you're hiding things from each other. That's enough for me for it to be a dealbreaker.

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    The deal breaker for me was when she would refuse to delete him off of her page. It took me to break up with her for her to delete him, that was a super red flag. She's been messaging me the reason she didnt delete him was she was hurt that I didnt trust her. Really? Deleting messages, and fighting to keep him on your page I think is enough to lose a little trust. She got nexted it was long over do.

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    Quote Originally Posted by miaddict View Post
    In the end, you broke up with her without knowing if 'she was cheating'. If she was, then she will go to that guy and you lose. If she was not, then you lose because you broke up with her over a petty argument. If you can't respect her privacy, then I guess the trust issues would have led to the doom of the relationship sooner or later.
    Counter-arugment:

    She was ACTUALLY cheating on him with this other guy.
    He goes back to her and tells her that he trusts her boundaries.
    He ends up getting fucked over months from now.
    He regrets his decision of not staying broken up and THEN must learn to trust his gut next time.

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    If she was not up to any shady bullshit; a proper response would be her trying her ass off to explain to you why he said that and be fully willing to show you messages.

    Raz you made an executive decision that I fully agree with. Good job pal. Do not get sucked back in.

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