Discuss Been seeing girl for a while, need advice! at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Been seeing girl for a while, need advice!
I've been seeing this girl over the ...
Been seeing girl for a while, need advice!
I've been seeing this girl over the past 5 months or so. It isn't THAT serious at the moment but I'm not really interested in it being a casual thing anymore. We both have been seeing other people too. But we get along great, she slept with me (and made a point of telling me she hadn't slept with the other guys she was seeing, just said it out of nowhere) ... But there just hasn't been any talk so far about the possibility of it becoming serious. And it's at the point where I would rather end it than have something casual and waste a lot oftime thinking about it or being a jealous douche when she sees other guys. So this is what I plan to say to her, and I just would like opinions on how it comes across? Does it sound bad/needy/desperate? Anything you could suggest I say instead? But note this is definitely the point I want to get across to her, I just want to make sure it sounds ok. Thanks in advance!
I like you a lot. And I cant seem to get you out of my mind. I guess I'm just unsure of how you see this thing... ? I don't know how serious you are about this or with any of the other guys you are seeing, but I'm not really interested in a casual thing when what I want is to only be seeing you, and be the only guy your seeing. I'm not saying I want that right this second (or that I want it to be official or anything), I'd just like to know if that is something that you want or if this is as far as it's going to go? Because if it is then I don't really want to keep doing it...
This sounds weak. As a man you should define the terms of your relationship, not ask for her opinion on every step of this and act unsure.
Sorry, I can't offer more constructive help at this point, but rephrase what you wanted to get across to her, so it'd sound as it comes from a confident man. I'm sure someone else will help you with the rest.
Agreed with poster above, that shit is weak.
It's been 5 months, and you haven't heard or seen any sort of emotional attachment from her? That's a bit odd in my opinion. Usually I wait for the woman to make the first "I love you, let's be exclusive" moves, but 5 months is a long time.
Have you seen any other indicators that she wants to be more serious? If not, I'd say its a lost cause.
She does talk alot about how she is more of a relationship type girl, but is staying single because of how bad her last relationship was. But has said a few times that she was over being single, yet at the time I wasn't pushing for anything more. I've had dinner with her and her parents I'm not sure if that would indicate her intentions but it might...
Is there anything you'd suggest that wouldn't sound so weak?
Don't say anything. Let your actions speak for you. Sounds like she does want a relationship with you, so just start treating her like your girlfriend. Eventually she'll come to you with the 'what are we?' talk and just go from there
Well there is the problem that she is still dating other guys, one in particular who does already act like they are together, she's talked about him, but indicated he was annoying in how he acts - he likes/writes on everything she posts on facebook.
I can't just act like were in a relationship when she's seeing other guys. I want to say something, because if it's not going to happen I don't want to bother with the dating anymore...
How can I say it without sounding weak or like a jerk ?
Tell her you want to make your relationship monogamous so that you two can see where it goes, without interference from other guys.
Then shut up. Don't say a damn word. If the silence lasts for 20 minutes, keep your mouth shut. My hunch is that the silence will last all of about.... 5 seconds.
In your mind make sure you know how to respond if she says she's not ready for that and how you will handle that answer... as well as if she says, "AWESOME"
"I want us to date exclusively."
It sounds like she's weighing relationship options between you and this other guy.
She sounds like she does want to be in a relationship, but worried that one of you is going to turn out like the guy she left not that long ago. If they were together for a few years, it's still taking her time to move on from it.
Has she told you what about her and her ex went bad?
I'd prob. mention it towards the end of summer, in a few weeks.
I also think when you talk about you wanting a relationship, it should be at the point where you're on the verge of moving on from her. But you could mention things that involve spending more time together. And start throwing the word "love" into the conversations, not saying you love her, but that you love spending time with her, you love her smile, etc.
You should never tell her you're unsure when it comes to this, or I don't know. Or giving her all the time in the world after you tell her this. Give her a weekend to think about it, and if she doesn't get back to you right away, don't bring it up. She's still thinking about it. But after a couple of weeks and she hasn't said anything either way, then ask her what she thinks...
I'd want to know if she thinks about me before she goes to sleep, or misses me when I'm not there. Those should be a quick and easy yes from her.
Words like "official" are when you're ready to get married. It's not something a grown ass man should use unless he's kidding around.
You know what you want, you have strong feelings for her, and want to know if she feels the same way.
Sounding like a jerk would be her saying she needs to think about it and you give her an ultimatum that she has to answer at that moment.
Just bring it up.
"I was all about what we were doing at the time, but now I'm sort of starting to move in another direction, I want something more intimate and a deeper connection, to me, that means exclusive....its cool if that's not what you want from this, I understand, but that's what I need in my life right now and I'd like it to be with you, but if not then I'm going to have to pursue other options because frankly this just doesn't suit me anymore."
What's weak is fearing to say how you feel. If she doesn't want that, then ok, you know to move on. No damage done. Its only if you want something and don't figure out if she does/doesn't that you'll be heading for that jealous thing. If you pretend not to care while secretly seething on the inside.
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