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Are women always willing to trade up?

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  1. #1
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    Are women always willing to trade up?

    I'm posting this in the relationship forum because I'm talking about women in relationships.

    The mantra seems to be that if a woman has all of her needs satisfied, she won't be going anywhere any time soon. What about, however, the need that is biologically programmed and coded into their DNA, i.e. the need to secure the best possible male mate / protector? If a woman is in a perfect relationship, but another guy who makes more money than you, is more attractive, charming, powerful than you, comes along and tries to steal her, are you shit out of luck?

    I'm not asking from a position of insecurity, but from a realistic position that there is ALWAYS someone better than you. Even Brad Pitt isn't safe from this.

    My theory is that women tend to be more idealistic about their chances when they are younger and prettier, and when more men are hitting on them. They tend to over-inflate their self-worth and, while happy to be in a relationship, over time may tend to get the impression that they could do better. This tendency tends to decrease over time, after a few things happen:

    1) They realize how hard it is to find a high quality guy that treats them well and has a good heart. After dealing with all kinds of guys, the promiscuous jock, the rich douchebag, and the guys who won't commit, they are more likely to stick with a good thing.

    2) They realize that their looks won't last forever, and their value is diminishing over time.

    3) They become well aware of their limits in the types of guys they can get to stick around.

    I know this is a cynical point of view, and that some women place a higher premium on "love" as opposed to material considerations, but let's be honest, most of the guys on this board have dealt with this. It seems that a woman's chances of leaving a relationship are magnified many times over when another, higher value guy shows interest.

    Any thoughts on this?



  2. #2
    D3tail is offline .
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    You're playing your cards right, she won't notice that guy or she'll resent him showing interest...though she may not even know why.

    Thing is, if you're playing your cards right, that guy ISN'T better than you, sort of a cache 22.

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    True, at one point in time, maybe. But a relationship is stretched out over a long time horizon. Once the honeymoon period is passed and the initial love/giddiness/excitement is over, I feel as though that is when the woman begins actively keeping a longstanding calculation in her head comparing you (x), and (y) either a particular guy or other guys in general, the question being, is x>y ?

    It sounds almost like reptilian to describe it like that, but I feel as though that is what happens.

    Sure, D3tail, if you play your cards right, x will always be greater than y. But sometimes you are not always at the top of your game, and that is when stuff starts going to hell. A woman will never leave you if something better doesn't come her way; that is true.

    I'm just interested in knowing whether there is such a thing as loyalty that exists in love and relationships.

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    A woman who loves her mate - not just lusts after - will never turn away from him. Not for more money, more fame, more glory.

    I'm fiercely loyal to ... and I get hit on all the time by "tadpoles" to "depends" and no one ... not Brad Pitt (gross - he doesn't shave, wear pit stick or shower every day) to Bradley Cooper (nummy) to Pierce Brosnan could take his place...

    I wonder if your analogy is not more akin to men where they have a 10 for a girlfriend who is stable, kind, compassionate.... and they want to trade up. :P

    Say give up Kate for Giselle.

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    Both men and women will experience the temptation to trade up. It's the same thing as if you were with a hot girl who did all these amazing things and that you were happy with and loved, but then met a younger, hotter and more fertile girl who did those amazing things too. Well, would you make the switch? If you wanted to pass on your genes, you'd have better chances of succeeding if you traded up to the younger and more fertile one than if you stayed with your current girl.

    I'm guessing you wouldn't make the switch. Most girls wouldn't either. There is a lot more that goes into relationships than a checklist for reproductive or survival value. Even if a guy came along who was more attractive, more masculine, stronger, wealthier, funnier and more socially connected than you, if you are satisfying your girl and fulfilling her wants and needs from you in a relationship, if you're already giving her what she's looking for, she will stay loyal to you. Well, I think at least the vast majority of girls would.

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    Vapor is offline Administrator Emeritus
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    This thread starts from a false premise.
    What about, however, the need that is biologically programmed and coded into their DNA, i.e. the need to secure the best possible male mate / protector?
    That's simply not true. PU science = not science. I get that people have said this shit for years, but it's still dressing up a theory with misapplied scientific terms by people who mostly don't know what they're talking about. (not referring to OP here, who is repeating what he's read by allegedly credible people).

    Whenever a pickup artist with no education in those subjects starts talking to you about science, biology, DNA, listen politely and then find out if there's anything from actual scientists backing his statements up. In the case of the above, there isn't. Women invest enormous resources into their LTRs and are not going to chuck one just because a slightly cooler guy comes around.

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    Well then why do most woman initiated breakups fail on account of another man? I have rarely heard of a woman objectively evaluating a relationship and ending it without having some other guys lined up.

    I'll revise my statement to this: Women in love rarely trade up. But because love is so hard to maintain over the course of a relationship, it goes through periods of peaks and troughs, the peaks being high points of course. During the trough periods, if a guy comes along with higher value, women will be much more likely to entertain the idea of a trade.

    I feel as though women are being idealized, that they'll never leave their man when in love. All of us know of exceptions to this, and this idea is further hindered by the fact that love is fleeting: a woman can fall out of love just as quickly as she fell in love.

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    Vapor is offline Administrator Emeritus
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobywaker View Post
    Well then why do most woman initiated breakups fail on account of another man?
    They don't. That is an imaginary statement.
    I have rarely heard of a woman objectively evaluating a relationship and ending it without having some other guys lined up.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Correla...mply_causation

    Again, this is all based on a false premise. Women break up with men for all sorts of reasons, and also choose to not break up despite getting the attention of "better" men. Women invest tremendous resources in a guy they deem LTR-worthy, and don't throw it away as soon as a higher status male comes along.

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    What is LTR-worthy? Isn't this in itself a subjective statement?

    But maybe you are right. The fact that women tend to line up other men before a breakup probably is not the reason in itself for the breakup or the failed relationship, just a bad habit some people have.

    Somehow I have it in my head that it's a female tendency to have another guy waiting after a breakup. Maybe it's because they have more opportunity ? More guys hitting on them?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Vapor View Post
    They don't. That is an imaginary statement.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Correla...mply_causation

    Again, this is all based on a false premise. Women break up with men for all sorts of reasons, and also choose to not break up despite getting the attention of "better" men. Women invest tremendous resources in a guy they deem LTR-worthy, and don't throw it away as soon as a higher status male comes along.

    I have to agree... girls initiate breakups for all kinds of reasons and honestly she can tell you shes completely and totally in love and then break up with you the next day if something you've done months ago is eating away at her and she finally has enough and cant battle it down it can come out
    of nowhere.... emotionally mature girls wont 'line up" another guy ahead of time.. because thats not what the relationship was about... if shes doing that kinda thing she doesnt REALLY care about YOU.. she cares about having someone there.. doesnt really matter who it is... so ya she might break up with you if shes just "bored" but then again, I wouldnt consider that a real relationship... you were just dating essentially... and called it somethin you werent ready for......

    guys usually line up another girl or have prospects in place at least before axing the current, but this usually isnt cuz shes BETTER, but more because the SEE their current relationship isn't gonna work and logically dont want to be left without a girl... but the underlying reason isnt that this girl is better usually its just something REAL is wrong with the current.

    I think when you break up with a girl tho, regardless of who initiates it, shes more likely to hurry up and fuk someone else for no reason if she knows you are already out doing it ...

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