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Discuss how to respond to "i love you" at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; how to respond to "i love you" When a girl says "I love you" for ...
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    a11111 is offline .
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    how to respond to "i love you"

    When a girl says "I love you" for the first time (and of course she said it first, not you), what's the best way to respond?

    Morally, you should say it back if it's true, and you should tell her you don't love her if it's not true. That's too simple, so for the sake of argument let's assume morals and honesty are irrelevant and all we're trying to do is maximize our own happiness.

    Let's assume you don't love the girl. Would your best response be to say "I love you too" anyway? Or would it be to say something cocky like "I know" or "who doesn't?" If she says it through a text (I've had a couple of girls do that), you could pull the no-reply-until-the-next-day move. Or you could say something cocky, and then after a brief amount of time, tell her you love her too.

    I've had 6 or 7 girls tell me they loved me (in a "in love with you" sense), I said it back to 2 of them, I gave a cocky reply to 3 or 4 of them and I just said "no" to 1. What do you think? This is really just for the sake of argument and psychological interest, so I'm not really looking for answers like "just tell the truth" or any bullshit like that.



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    I'd tell them straight. I got a few girls on, but one of them is like 'I REALLY like you, maybe more than like', she's just out of a relationship and I don't want to hurt her even more and seeing as I'm just out of an LTR, I said 'I'm not ready to say anything back to anyone yet, sorry'. She's actually been working harder for me.

    Or you could try the 'I hate you' line, BUT SAY IT WHILST SMILING.

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    You could ask them "what do you love about me" before giving them an answer, but the worst thing to do is show indecisiveness.

    Telling someone you love someone isn't making a commitment to them, but it is saying one of you is ready to emotionally invest yourself into what might turn out to be a relationship.

    But you don't want to tell someone you love them when you really don't, or tell her because you want to keep her around and afraid of losing her. You're better off dealing with losing her, then being insincere about how you feel, and dealing with a major pain on your hands who starts expecting more from you, but you can't invest yourself into it.



    Quote Originally Posted by a11111 View Post
    When a girl says "I love you" for the first time (and of course she said it first, not you), what's the best way to respond?

    Morally, you should say it back if it's true, and you should tell her you don't love her if it's not true. That's too simple, so for the sake of argument let's assume morals and honesty are irrelevant and all we're trying to do is maximize our own happiness.

    Let's assume you don't love the girl. Would your best response be to say "I love you too" anyway? Or would it be to say something cocky like "I know" or "who doesn't?" If she says it through a text (I've had a couple of girls do that), you could pull the no-reply-until-the-next-day move. Or you could say something cocky, and then after a brief amount of time, tell her you love her too.

    I've had 6 or 7 girls tell me they loved me (in a "in love with you" sense), I said it back to 2 of them, I gave a cocky reply to 3 or 4 of them and I just said "no" to 1. What do you think? This is really just for the sake of argument and psychological interest, so I'm not really looking for answers like "just tell the truth" or any bullshit like that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by a11111 View Post
    When a girl says "I love you" for the first time (and of course she said it first, not you), what's the best way to respond?
    Very interesting question to consider strategically, apart from moral considerations.

    Quote Originally Posted by a11111 View Post
    Morally, you should say it back if it's true, and you should tell her you don't love her if it's not true.
    I don't agree that morally you need to say either way. You are entitled to keep your feelings to yourself. (Whether that is the best thing to do practically is another question.)

    I do think that morally you shouldn't lie about it. If you say you do or don't, morally that should be true. But that's apart from whether lying could be useful.

    Great post. I hope we get some good discussion on this.

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    I'm honest about it when that comes up. I usually just say "Thanks, but I don't have those strong of feelings for you yet, and will not say it until I do."
    Being direct like that will only make her try harder anyways, she won't just leave you because you don't "love her".
    Read this post, for the sake of manhood.

    http://www.theattractionforums.com/culture-lifestyle/118569-stifled-man-definition-manhood-2.html#post725896

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    Absolutely do not lie about it...it WILL mess things up later, unless the relationship/fling isn't worth that much in the first place.

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    So based on these replies it seems like strategically the best thing to do (regardless of whether you love her or not) is to not tell her you love her. You can either tell her you don't (to make her work harder for you), or you can slightly reframe it and ask what she loves about you. I'll try this next time it comes up and see how it goes. Would your answers change if you know the girl is just one of those girls who thinks she loves you but really doesn't?

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    Vapor is offline Administrator Emeritus
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    Quote Originally Posted by a11111 View Post
    So based on these replies it seems like strategically the best thing to do (regardless of whether you love her or not) is to not tell her you love her.
    That is kooky talk.

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    a11111 is offline .
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vapor View Post
    That is kooky talk.
    kooky

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    Quote Originally Posted by a11111 View Post
    So based on these replies it seems like strategically the best thing to do (regardless of whether you love her or not) is to not tell her you love her. You can either tell her you don't (to make her work harder for you), or you can slightly reframe it and ask what she loves about you. I'll try this next time it comes up and see how it goes. Would your answers change if you know the girl is just one of those girls who thinks she loves you but really doesn't?
    If you really love her, then tell her you love her Some might disagree, but if you want a relationship with this person and you know how she feels, I don't see the need to play games. It's just better not to lie about it.

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