Discuss Is my relationship fucked? Urgent help please. at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Is my relationship fucked? Urgent help please.
Sex with my gf of four months has ...
Is my relationship fucked? Urgent help please.
Sex with my gf of four months has recently dried up (like 1x/week over the 6 wks, although I sleep over 5-6 nights a week). We both have difficult/ long schedules and she often uses tiredness as an excuse. I used to pressure her/ push more for sex, but recently have not even been trying to initiate just cuz I am getting so discouraged/frustrated.
I've still been trying my best to be a great boyfriend, take her out on really nice dates, and she tells me every day, multiple times that she loves me.
But we have been fighting alot as well. I blew something way out of proportion a week and a half ago, and almost broke up with her. I apologized the next day, but I juts felt so much pent up frustration come out, and I still carry it. This past Saturday we were both at a party and she blew up at me for talking to another girl for too long. She later apologized.
Last thing: this morning I was on her computer and I typed an "o" into her browser and up pops "OkCupid" ( a dating website). This was just totally bad luck that I happened to see this, I was not looking for it. So I snoop into her browsing history and see that 3 weeks ago she signed up for an account, and was on a couple of pages but hasn't gone back (unless she deleted the more recent history) since. I don't know whether to say something to her about it or not. I feel like my relationship is falling apart, and I would like any suggestions on what I can do to save it, or if I should just walk away.
Communication is key in any realtionship. This might sound familiar and that is because you have heard it before. There is a reason for that, and that is because it is true.
Something else I see is that you seem to be insecure. Y'all have only been dating 4 months and you are bascially living with her, by staying with 5/6 nights a week. Both of you I'm sure have your own lives and need to experience your lives with your friends and family. You do not need spend every waking moment with each other. Things will get old quick and she will look for something more exciting. I'm not saying she is, but from her behavior it is very possible. Practice on being more alpha, when you are more alpha she will be coming to you for sex and you won't have any worries.
Now with the okcupid thing, this is a tricky one. Did she have a profile, actrivley seeking people? or did she just sign up? You could handle this several ways. You could tell her you came across this site when you on her computer and ask her whats up and act like its no big deal. Just let her either sink or swim with it. She will prob sink. Or you could not say a word about it because she will accuse you of going through her personal shit and she will eat your lunch. Me personally I would prob just act like it was no big deal (bc it wouldn't be) and casually say I would have gone with match.com they got more of a brandname in a joking manner and then leave it at that.
Mostly bro, I would take a chill pill and give both of yall some space. You don't have to do the romantic dates all the time, you already have her! You reward her with that. I love roller coasters but if you take me to one every day i'm gonna get sick of them. Catch my drift. Good luck my man
There's a support group for my ex's. They meet on wednesdays..
I don't work out to look good, I work out to look good naked
The quickest route to celibacy is through marriage
Thanks for the advice. I agree I think I am becoming a little insecure and probably taking a step back is the right move. The reason I stay over so much is that she always asks me to come over. Every evening she calls me and begs me to come over. She hates sleeping by herself, she loves waking up with me, etc etc. She has already said thats she wants to get a place together in the summer when her lease expires, and is always telling me to leave more of my clothes and shit at her place. At the beginning I resented how quickly so much of my time got snatched up by it, but I really like her, and just took it as "this relationship is progressing really quickly". But when I get over to her place, she just wants to snuggle and watch shitty tv shows all the time. I think just writing it out has helped me see that I probably need to re-assert having my own time, and hopefully the sex will pick up on its own?
As far as the OKcupid thing goes, I don't really know what she is up to. When I saw it, it was just like a punch in the gut, but its probably not that big of a deal. As far as I can tell she just set up an account and clicked around on there abit one time, but I didn't get too thorough with my internet stalking, so I don't know if she has a profile and is actively seeking or what. I don't know the difference between signing up and having a profile, actively seeking... I have never used that site... I'd tip my had to her if she had managed to go on a date without me knowing, seeing as how much time I spend with her. But if i did find out she was setting up dates with other people, I'd insta-dump her. I guess its not a violation for her to just see whats out there for curiosity or whatever, but given that she goes nuts if I even talk to another girl for 10 minutes, the hypocrisy does piss me off.
Right now, though I don't think I'm gonna say anything, because the idea of it still makes me a bit angry/jealous although I know objectively for the time being she is mine... I don't want her to see me in an angry/jealous state.
How long have you been dating?
Its communication, as the 2nd poster said.
4 r's of relationship progression: Resistance, Resentment, Rejection, Repression.
If you don't communicate how you are feeling EFFECTIVELY that's where you go. Any relationship really from business to personal to intimate.
Dating history is a bit complicated.
-Dated briefly 5 years ago in college, everything was great and not very pressured but we broke up cuz we went different places after undergraduate.
-She moved to the city I lived in last Fall, we were exclusive for 6 months beginning in november. she broke up with me at the beginning of May, I did the no-contact thing for 2 months and strictly followed Savoy's "get your ex back", I think followed it pretty expertly (with the exception of step number 8??)
-In July I reinitiated contact and started sleeping with her in FWB scenario. Was dating other girls, and made it clear I was not looking for a relationship with her again (although secretly I was hoping for it). Things got very intense in august, to the point where we were spending all our free time together again, she told me she realized she still loved me and wanted me to be her bf again . So that's why I said 4 months, of this current situation. Although the prior history probably sheds light onto how quickly things have become so intense.
Well, you're in the time frame where sex frequency goes down.
You are falling into unhelpful patterns. Sleeping over 5-6 nights a week when you obviously aren't going to have sex that often establishes a pattern of sleeping over and no sex. Pressuring her turns her off and is the worst possible option. It would be good if you weren't quite that available. I wonder if you aren't turning back into the guy she broke up with.
Going to a dating site once is not indicative of a major problem, particularly if you're getting "I love you's" every day. Lay off initiating sex for a week or two, stop spending so much time over there, and touch base with her in a week and have a SOTU talk.
Sex God Method.
Give it a shot....an ebook, its pretty interesting and you seem competent enough not to take it the wrong way. Great sex can solve many relationship problems in all honesty.
IMO its still communication...which sex relates to obviously.
Thanks for the advice. I feel more confident when I have a rough plan of action like the one suggested by Vapor. D3tail, I assume you've tried out the sex god method? I am a little thrown off by the website that says there is a $67 monthly charge.
5-6 times a week is a lot. Personally, I'd take a step back for such a new relationship. Seeing each other that many times already (after 2-3 months) is going to cause the relationship to fizzle FAST. I'd cut back to 3x a week and give her space.
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