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This is going to be a little ...
Is this beyond even the most elite PUA?
This is going to be a little long but please bear with me:
Several weeks ago I posted something in the general discussions section that told me I needed to accept the feelings I have for my ex and I agree with that. I no longer need to fight my emotions so I need to know if it's at all possible to get this girl back so here's the story:
Last year I moved away from the city I lived in for grad school to another place about 1000 miles away. I was dating this girl for about a year and a half and we had talked about marriage and stuff. We were together 24/7 and had a great relationship. Things started going downhill about a month before I left. We both struggled with the impeding end. I started to distance myself from her and about 2 weeks before I left she cheated on me. This was very rough for everyone.
The guy she cheated on me with is pretty much the exact opposite of me. He's 10 years older then her, has a kid and is a security guard. They are still together after a year.
Anyway, we talked every day till about March. She kept saying how she sees herself with me, still loves me and has feelings for me. She kept saying how she wants to get back together one day even though she was dating this guy. Things on the phone were as good as I can say they could be. I could tell though that she was falling for this guy while still having feelings for me. I was a giant pussy and dug myself into awful holes by consistently almost begging for her back. She would tell me ridiculous things (sex last night was great) and shit like that and I would listen to it.
Finally, one night this summer the guy caught her texting me and started texting me himself from her phone asking "what's the deal." I knew it was him but I said fuck it and basically told him everything me and my ex had talked about. Since then there has been no contact.
I still love her though and she was my first gf. I'm 1000 miles away and won't be able to move back for about another year and a half. Judging from her fb I think she loves this guy now. What should I do to eventually get her back? I'm realistic enough to know that life isn't a romantic movie and that she won't just jump on a plane and move down here. I just know I want to be with her again one day...Please help because I think about her a lot!
As long as you're 1000 miles away getting back isn't going to happen and should've written her off as weak when she cheated on you before you left.
Once you're done with grad school, you're going to have options of where you want to live, you might go where the work's at, or a place you've always wanted to live at, or move back to reconnect with family and friends.
She prob. misses you, but she might be content with what she has going on right now.
Maybe they'll be married, but odds are once you get settled in your job, you'll be in a better place financially and emotionally.
sorry for your pain. i know how it can hurt. the best thing you can do right now is to cut all contact with her and start talking to other girls.
she isn't doing the right thing by you and that is her choice to make. don't make it easy for her by still being available. by dating other girls you will show her that you aren't pussy whipped and that you have options (you'll show yourself too). by not contacting her at all, she will miss you and wonder what you are doing.
it's your best chance of getting her back and it is your best chance of living a happy life. best of luck.
As I get older I realize that ex-girlfriends don't particularly care if you're in a relationship. So if you're holding off on meeting new girls because of your feelings for your ex, just get past that. If the ex-gf really wants u back, she'll make an effort to bounce your new girls out of the picture. The bottom line is that u need to meet some new pol, even if u hold a flame for the ex.
Thanks for the reply all. I guess the next question, especially with your advice Folsom, is for how long do girls have feelings? I mean i know every situation is different but I'm very hesitant to destroy all contact with her because I want her to remember me and what we had. I mean do girls actually call out of the blue after years of being broken up and say I miss you?
yep. depends how much they like you but i have had an ex contact me after 8 years and say she misses me and doesn't want to lose contact.
Move on. This girl wants to have her cake and eat it. Your not the cake getting eaten.
She's basically got your balls in her hands. Take them back and live your life.
Originally Posted by mjt10
Like the song says, "I know you're going to want me, but when you want me it might be a different story."
Originally Posted by mikey1987
In other words, work on yourself for a while, and by the time she wants you again, you will likely be at a point where she's no longer attractive to YOU
In my situation, I blew up a perfectly good relationship by fucking a girl that I was in love with from a decade ago. Some girls are shady and will happily jump in bed with a guy who has a GF. Don't do what I did!
It might take years for her to want u again, but the real satisfaction comes from knowing that she finds you compelling after all those years. Not from actually following through, since the results are often disastrous.
Stop this man. Stop this. You have to build yourself back up again. Your weak minded. Sorry. She is 1000 miles away and cheated on you and is still with the guy. WTF she isn't worth this. I know you think she is but my god man she isn't.
Get rid of everything about her.
Get a date this week or next week. Start talking to girls. Pull yourself together man. You will find another girl, i know she was your first and it sucks but trust me and everyone should agree she isn't your last. Go out with girls .... The best way to get over a girl.... IS to get under a new one.
delete her number, block her number, delete her pictures. GO OUT ON DATES AND LIVING YOUR LIFE.
Thanks a lot for the replies. Even though this is just a forum, it really has made a big difference in how I look at the situation. I went back through the relationship just thinking about why this girl is so special and shit and I realized how she really wasn't at all. I mean I went spans when I wanted to break up with her and I think that if it wasn't my first relationship, it would have ended after a couple of months. In terms of other girls, I've been trying but with not a lot of success. I think a lot of it has been my obsession with finding someone better then my ex, which I have built up inside my mind as the perfect ten when she is far from it. I need to move on. I could never see this girl as the mother of my kids!
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