Thread: LJBF frame after rough breakup?
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10-01-2010, 07:23 AM #1
My ex and I had a pretty rough breakup. I left her alone for 3 weeks and now we are cool again. We laugh and converse almost at the level we were at. She called me yesterday and asked if I still had feelings for her and I said yes. She told me that she cant for see anything going past friends and it will take a while before she can.When I ask her out she gives me the standard IDK we'll see line.We work together also so we are going to interact. How should I treat her after this? How do I act around her? I feel as though she keeps me around for convenience.
LJBF frame after rough breakup?
10-01-2010, 09:57 AM #2
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She keeps you around as someone comfortable to talk to, but with what happened in the relationship, she's not going to miss that part of it.
She was asking you if you still had feelings for her, not because she wants to get back with you, but because she's asking "Are we cool? Are you going to get pissed if you see me on a date with someone and create drama?" You work with her, and she wants to make sure you and her can be polite and friendly around each other. She has no idea what you're going to do, and vice versa. She might be the one creating drama in the workplace.
You can't treat her as a close friend though. Not yet. You need to prove to each other that you can put past feelings aside and get along. But that doesn't mean she needs to be in your business. Just be cautious about what you tell her.
If you really want to go back to her, it's going to take way too long, too much energy, and working on what broke you up in the past. There usually is no clean slate, just a lot of bittersweet memories that work against the possibility of a relationship from happening.
See what else is out there, and in a couple of years, if this feels right at that time, then give it another try. Any sooner than that, you both need to experience other people and then decide what you had at the time is better, and both felt 'we were young and stupid'.
My answer to her would be "there will always be feelings towards you, we have a history together, and whatever happens, I want you to be happy and I hope you want the same for me." Sometimes that means letting them go for good and letting them go on with their lives to see what happens.
Don't be there at her convenience. Part of ending a relationship is that she has to figure things out on her own and experience heartbreak. You can't always be there to console her, esp. if you're in a relationship at the time.
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