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    Gf thinks I accused her of being too flirty

    My gf and I have been dealing with an issue for the past couple days at her job.

    She works for a large company, and recently met an executive VERY briefly. They exchanged names and shook hands and that was it.

    He, out of the blue, emailed her later (he looked her email address up in the company directory) and asked if she would like to talk about opportunities, etc.

    They went back and forth a few times, and it became apparent he was trying to get on her. She eventually ignored him after turning down several requests to meet outside work, then he even called and texted her company phone.

    This totally freaked her out and she completely ignored him.

    I talked to her this afternoon because I had been thinking about it a lot, and I gave some suggestions on how she could handle it by making it clear that she was not interested in anything other than meeting on company time, etc.

    After we talked about that, I said: "Is it possible you were flirty and he got the wrong impression?". Now, being totally honest, I was not trying to accuse her of ANYTHING here. I don't care if she is flirty when I'm not there. I don't know if she is, I don't care. I know shes faithful, this is not even an issue for me.

    When she hears this, she gets angry and says "I can't believe you're blaming this whole thing on me". I tell her that I'm not - I'm trying to help her and this is not the last time she will be hit on in a company setting, it would just be nice to figure out how to handle it.

    She gets pissed and we get off the phone angry.

    Was I out of line when I said that? Maybe I just worded it wrong. I honestly was not trying to accuse her of anything, but maybe it came off that way.



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    As a side note, what I want to do is write her a letter saying all this and tell her to quit being so fucking selfish. I've spent tons of time thinking about this trying to make sure this works out OK for her and instead of being grateful she gets fucking pissed.

    Seriously pisses me off.

    I'm aware that what I want to do is not always the correct thing to do so I'm going to give it some time. Maybe just talk after work.

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    Vapor is offline Administrator Emeritus
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    Write that note if you want to be single.

    Look, suggesting she did something to cause this was not smart. You should apologize for how that sounded. The exec's behavior is completely inappropriate.

    She should talk to her HR department.

  4. #4
    ZachE84 Guest

    Let it fizzle down for a while. Time makes things MUCH better and seem unimportant.

    I do not know how the conversation went but remember relationship advice #17: Never give a woman advice. Just listen to her and give her support. Only give her advice is she EXPLICITLY asks for it.

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    Thanks, both of you. You are both absolutely right.

    And Zach - yes, I broke the golden rule. This is the first time I have ever seen it truly shine, haha.

    She just emailed me apologizing for being rude, and said she felt like I was blaming her. I apologized back and told her I honestly did not mean to but understand it could have come off wrong.

    Feel 100% better.

    Thanks again

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    For me it seems that it wasnt really okay for you that they meet up.
    " I had been thinking about it a lot"
    You tried to play it cool, cause you where a little bit scared, you could loose attraction, if she noticed that you are jalouse. Woman can feel that kind of insecurity.

    The second mistake is, you are too much trying to not get her angry or anything. There is no real reason for her to get upset, but if she feels like she can give you this drama without getting punished (you act passive-aggressive "Seriously pisses me off.") she will think she is right and continue this.

    my advice would be:
    1. dont be so scared to do something wrong, that lets you seem insecure.
    2. if theres something you dont like, be a man, tell her and stick to your word.

    ______________
    Quote Originally Posted by ZachE84 View Post
    .. remember relationship advice #17: Never give a woman advice. Just listen to her and give her support. Only give her advice is she EXPLICITLY asks for it.
    where are those "golden rules" cant find them :/

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    Is this an exec that works in a different department? If it isn't, why would he be talking to her about "opportunities"?

    He may have done this with other women, exec or not ,can look badly on him if you and other women who were harassed decided to sue the company.

    Did she once ask you "what do you want me to do?" My question would be "what are you going to do about it?" If my gf did this, it's not like I'm going to show up at her job and tell him to stop. I'm also not going to call him at work. All I can do is show up at a holiday party and AMOG him there (without threatening to kick his ass outside) , or a company picnic. But she would be extremely pissed because she might feel it might cost her the job.

    It's hard to know who to trust in a company, HR, supervisors, etc, but she has to find a way to get him to stop. And taking the company to court, while sounds like a good idea, might result in winning enough money to cover gas for a month and she's collecting unemployment. Maybe other women there have dealt with him - odds are pretty good she's not the only one.

    Some people just leave if they feel harassed, just because they didn't want to deal with it anymore, and didn't feel they had anyone on their side. I mean, if it's an entry level job that she can find somewhere else pretty fast, if she puts in a 2 week notice, they're going to ask why. That's when she should say something about it. When someone tells HR and their supervisors they're leaving because "I feel unsafe, there's an exec that's sexually harassing me, and here's the proof?" It's one thing to make it your word against hers, a whole other story when you have documentation.

    You've seen what Clinton went through - that cost taxpayers in the tens of millions for the investigation. He was in a position of power and had sex with an intern, and even though he eventually won, his reputation is like the dress Monica wore. But she's not an intern and he's not running a country.

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