Discuss fell in love. now what? at the Relationships within the PUA Forums | The Attraction Forums | The Mystery Method; fell in love. now what?
Thanks to learning the game I have finally fallen in ...
fell in love. now what?
Thanks to learning the game I have finally fallen in love for the first time in my life with one the most beautiful women on earth IMO . It was pretty fucking awesome the first few times and still is but I have a few problems with the girl...
she isn't who I thought she was. I thought she was a virgin, I thought I was the only one, she is basically a whore and she has some serious fucking problems but she doesn't want help. She was sexually abused multiple times starting when she was 5 and it messed her up pretty bad. She is depressed, can't look people in the eye, has way too many secrets but she still loves me and I still love her because I use to be just like that and I really want to help her but she is so apathetic about everything its really hard sometimes.
Of course it killed me when I found all this stuff out. I felt dead on the inside but I know I can help, and thanks to all the inner game stuff i've read it isn't too hard for me too deal with it.
She feels hopeless and thinks she will never get better. How can I help? comfort? I'm trying to tell her that therapy will help but she says she doesn't want it, how can I point her to the right direction?
and another thing, now that i've fallen in love, is there anything I need to know? What should/ shouldn't i do?
ps. what happened to the attraction, transitioning, comfort etc, subforums?
keep being the best possible man you can be. be someone she can trust...
but dont become her therapist..
You need to think clearly about why you love this girl. If she is "basically a whore and has some serious fucking problems" you need to accept this and love her despite it or choose to move on. I think most of us have encountered some pretty fucked up girls in our time and had the instinct to "rescue" but it doesn't work. Everybody who needs "rescuing" must make the choice to change themselves. The best you can do to encourage a person to improve themself for the better, is to show them that they are worth it. How? By loving that person unconditionally, despite their fuck-ups and flaws. And if you love a really fucked-up person this can be a test of patience and a huge drain and burden. Are you willing to go through that? Is she worth it?
First of all man, you CANNOT FIX THIS. Get your head around that, you can listen and let her lean on you when she needs to but you are not a therapist and the shit you describe is way heavier than you or anyone but a trained shrink should be dealing with.
Then you also have to just forget about what she did before she met you, you don't GET to hold that against her. So if you can't do that you should do you BOTH a favor and bail NOW.
mate seriously, if this is your first time, walk away. you love her now but she is going to put you through hell with those issues.
i am not joking. i know you won't do it but i wouldn't feel right if i didn't warn you. you are taking on a job that you're not qualified for unless you are a professional therapist. you can't rescue her and it will eat you up inside watching her destroy herself. if you guys meet again once she is better then give it another shot but as it is now, it's like you are about to jump off a cliff and you're saying 'those rocks at the bottom look pretty sharp, but they're a long way away so i'll be fine'
you guys are right. I'm done with her, I will always be her friend but I can't keep doing this. It just makes me so mad because she doesn't deserve all the shit that happened to her. No one does.
I just hate seeing her down all the time.
You made the right choice.
I was in a very similair case as you. I kept fucking the girl cuz she hot and freaky and had a whole lot of baggage I didnt know what was true or not but I figured I could deal with it. I had a good head on my shoulders and had good inner game (so I thought). A year later I forgot most of what I've learned and have to build myself up again and get my inner game back again. You really cant fix anyone and nobody can fix you. You can only be fixed if YOU WANT to be fixed. As for falling in love next time around. I would just keep doing the things you were doing before you and your partner fell in love. Remember to maintain a balance of things. Freinds,family,girlfriend,work,passions. Dont always put your lover first. Focus on YOUR life and YOUR future and think of your lover as just there to ride along but she isnt the ride herself. If she gets in the way of things, do not be shy to let her go. Remind yourself that there are millions of other women out there that you havent met yet. Keep on excelling to be a better man for yourself and when you get the feeling that things are going south. Think it through, weigh the pros and cons and dont be a pussy about breaking up/expressing how you feel. Dont hold anything back. And factor in that you might be staying in a shitty relastionship just because your comfortable. Think 40 years from now and ask yourself is your future 40+ year old going to be looking back in regret or is he going to look back and smile.
If you love her, you should accept the real and love her despite of it or choose to move on. Everybody who needs "rescuing" must make the choice to change themselves. The best you can do to encourage a person to improve themself for the better, is to show them that they are worth it. How? By loving that person unconditionally, despite their fuck-ups and flaws. And if you love a really fucked-up person this can be a test of patience and a huge drain and burden. Are you willing to go through that? Is she worth it? Hope your love be strong enough to go to a perfect decision .
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