Discuss Marry my Ex gf? How to get her back...? at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; ^^ You will know in a month.
That was a harsh monologue from Kong, but ...
^^ You will know in a month.
That was a harsh monologue from Kong, but he's right and probably it should be a must read for every 'how to get my ex back' thread :J
It may seem harsh, but to me its extremely eye opening. Its strange b/c a lot of what he said I already knew, but on almost a subconscious level.
Crazy. I def need to get my shit together, and be my own man, live life to the fullest. Until then I don't think she will find me attractive enough to give it another chance. Sounds like its going to be a long time down the road until I be apart of her life again, if at all. Like Kong said, theres no quick trick to this and what she needs in a life partner is stability and consistency in strength.
Unfortunately for me, thats kind of how she described her new guy. It's going to take every bit of strength not to call her sooner than I should.
Does anyone think I should act before the 16th of this month? At that date she will move to Dallas and we will no longer live in the same city. I can move to Houston by the end of this next week at the soonest. Ideally I'd like to see her again before we both move. Once she gets to Dallas she'll be closer to her bf and probably put me out of her mind... new city, new life.
I know, I know, I should do the same and just bail to Houston. But if there's any chance I would get to be in front of her again and not act like weak sauce, I'd like for that to happen. And who knows, mb she'd find something attractive enough about me to want to discuss our relationship, if I can act accordingly.
I'm glad it's helpful. I'm not trying to be a dick. I just think you would be much happier at this stage in your life with a different type of girl.
About your question on calling her, one thing I've noticed in myself is that when I start to feel like there is a deadline coming up within which I have to contact a girl or else we will lose contact, it is usually not true and it is best to ignore it. For example, if a girl travels a lot and a guy always feels like he should reach her before she leaves or else she's just going to forget about him, that usually would not be the best thing.
On top of that, when a girl has just rejected you, you usually need to lengthen the mount of time until you contact her beyond what you think is normal.
And even more so, if you would like her to start thinking of you, the last thing you want is your reaching out to be totally predictable -- calling her the first weekend she's moved to a new place will come across to her like you didn't give hr any space. The fact that she is in a new place will reset her own mental clock. In her mind, she moved to start something new and the first thing that happened was you called her. She'd probably groan to herself, "there he goes again, so persistent, ugh..."
Finally, one more thing -- to be a more loving dude, you need to start putting yourself in other people's shoes. The first weekend she moves to a new place, do you think she is in a mental state to be able to deal with something that to her is emotionally complicated? What does she have to do when she gets there? What does she need emotionally that weekend? You need to get into a habit of thinking through things like that for your relationships to work better.
Don't contact her. In the meantime, go out with someone else.
“On the Road of Life, There's Always Another Bus”
Yeah, she def wouldnt want to associate her first days there with me bothering her. I was thinking of calling before she left, not right after she gets there. But it seems far too soon.
She won't be working until August 1st, so she will have a lot of free time until then. But I don't want to stress her out before she's about to start a new job, she'll have enough on her mind already. Mb mid-way through Aug I'll see how she's doing.
Dang, thats a long time from now.
I'm sure you do love her, but you seem to buckle when times get rough. Not good in a woman's eyes. I know that we all go through a rut at times, but locking yourself away from society and especially your woman is not good. You shun your woman away, and she's not confident that you'll stick things out when you're married. Put yourself in her shoes. Would you feel comfortable with a man who would lose their job and just retract for a month or two, looking for a pity party? I know it's hard to say then do, but it's a state of mind to learn to brush things off your shoulder be it your job, school, family, friends and/or significant other. A confident man steps to all occasions, and lets his woman know that no matter what, everything will be ok. She's suppose to be the panicky one, the worrier. Even though your sweating bullets on the inside, you need to be strong on the outside for her.
Flowers, candy, gifts, phone calls, and emails ain't gonna do squat my friend to get her back. You'd be better off buying all of us on here that stuff, I'd atleast thank you. You could go "beg", but a confident man does not beg. Begging would include getting on one knee and proposing too. You need to show your a confident man, because right now she does see that in you and that scares her because she doesn't want to be the rock for you to lean on. Best to just let her go, but to stay in contact. That shows her off the bat that you don't need her to lean on to survive. If she's as smart as you say she is, she'll see that, and that's a big start. You need to work on you and getting thick skinned. Don't get onenitus on us. Love is just an infatuation because we're all afraid to be alone. But on the grand scale of things, there are millions of women out there like her or better if things don't work out.
Good luck and stay thirsty my friend, lol.
"Look at this, okay? I want you to remember this face, here. Okay? This is the guy behind the guy behind the guy." -"Swingers"
Ok, nobody curse me out for this next post, as it contradicts EVERYTHING that you've all posted. And, I'm not entirely sure I will yet follow through with what I'm about to suggest if I am given direction/advice on how to accomplish it. So don't fret, I will probably stick with the plan above.
Just humor me.
I've been given a lot of advice that I need to develop a better understanding of what she, and women in general, want in a life partner. I also have been told there is much I need to develop in myself to become more self sufficeint, confident, stable, etc. I take it all to heart, however say I'd like to open the door to this woman's heart again while I still have the chance to see her easily face to face.
I know, I know, its against everyones advice I contact her. But for the sake of this being an attraction forum, and say I grow a damn backbone and show no weakness while I do this, how could it be done?
How do you suppose I can invite her to hang out? She always gives me the line "I don't think its a good idea" when I suggest it on the phone. How do I duffuse that thought in her head, that comment. How do I diffuse the thought in her head when she says "I don't think we should talk anymore". She has said both these things more than once from the get-go. I need to show this girl that I AM THE SHIT, that she's missing out without me.
I know I can do this. Feeling much more confident the past few days. I used to be an "I don't give a shit" and cocky person, and over the past months that person is coming back. This is who she fell in love with.
I got weak the past few weeks on her b/c the idea of her being back in my life overtook me, a shock, emotion ran wild. I will work to develop thicker skin to prevent something like that from happening in the future. Now I'm scheming to show her that I'm not a pussy. She wouldn't have initially liked me if I were. Even if I have to be a dick to her, I'm going to make this happen.
I have the 6th to the 16th to do this. There's only one weekend in there, but that doesn't mean we can't meet on a weekday evening to get the flow of hanging out again started.
Any advice that would help me accomplish this would be greatly appreciated. The rest of the issues I need to work on will take time, and are extremely important to me. Thanks to everyone who gave input!
What advices are for if adviced person doesnt listen ?
IMAO you are planning to do everything to destroy possible chances.
Well. It is your life, you will pay for your actions then you may decide how to act.
Originally Posted by jcording
You should do it, so you can learn from this experience. Just don't look back with regret that you ended up ignoring time tested strategies for reconciliation.
“On the Road of Life, There's Always Another Bus”
I hope I can share an insight(might not apply).. anyhow this might be unnecessary but perhaps get some inner child work done with a relationship counsellor as poor relationships with parent/s when growing up can cause slightly obsessive love type behaviour like sending flowers/choclates to her work or thinking of ways to make contact when shes now in a relationship and do some inner game work to get right with you.
I also agree with kong he made some great observations.
why would you put so much love into someone that is not loving you back..surely someone that cant love you back dosent hold the key to your happiness.
If it was me and I 'had to' say something I would be tough and tell her that I still loved her but she cant have it both ways Im moving on so speak up or goodbye. so that now she has a clear choice to make and isnt confused by someone who will wait and have her any way he can.this will give you your self respect and attractiveness back.
all the best champ!!
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