Discuss After Sex she looks like shes in love with me, next day different story. at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; After Sex she looks like shes in love with me, next day different story.
After Sex she looks like shes in love with me, next day different story.
Basically exactly like it says in the title, after we fuck she cuddles with, looks at me like she is in love with me. She is glowing with the "I just got fucked, came and loved it" look in her eyes, touching me all over, etc. The next morning, she texts me about how she's thinking about me during her test, then when I see her that night, she's acting weird and distant. This has happened in the past as well, it seems like after we have good sex and she comes and looks and acts like she loves me right after, she does this. I'm dating her and it almost seems like a FWB situation but seems at times that she wants more and then goes distant. I'm not pressuring her for anything more, I'm just going with it and seeing where it goes. It's not driving me nuts or anything I would just like input as to what is going on. Is there any insight to be gained from this?
Probably trauma in her family when she was growing up. Maybe a parent abandoned her when she was little.
“On the Road of Life, There's Always Another Bus”
Nah, shes got a good family life with her parents and siblings but is young, shes 19 and I'm 23.
I've had this happen before, and I think its an example of "buyer's remorse". She may have conflicting feelings about you, or it may be that the next day she sees the previous night's sex in a different light. For instance, she might start thinking that by having sex, she made a commitment that she didn't mean to make. Or she might feel like what she did wouldn't be approved of by her family, friends, or someone she looks up to. Or she might be acting manipulative, or a thousand other things, there's almost no way to know.
If it happens often, and it bothers you, you may want to ask her how she feels about your relationship. Either way, I wouldn't take it too personally.
Thanks for the insight TOrch. It is starting to bother me just not to the point of being obsessed with it. It does seem as though she's conflicted like you said. I'm not sure how to bring it up in conversation without sounding like a wuss or like I'm pressuring her for something. Any ideas?
Hey stricktease, I feel for you. Tell me, how long have you been together? There must be a way of bringing it up casually...
Yeah man I dealt with something similar to this. Dated a girl for a few months, she was kind of distant except for when we were in bed after sex, then she was like a different person.
As it turns out, she just wasn't that in to me.
Women are in a very open emotional state right after sex, this is when all the strongest bonding happens. She could be trying to "play it cool" later on when she starts to look at how she acts and either doesn't want you to think she is TOO in to you, or she doesn't want to scare you off. Either way, you should just mirror her level of involvement. If she is only really touchy feely before during and after sex and then just does her own thing otherwise, well then you should be doing the same. Let HER be the one wondering what your level of interest is and wanting to escalate.
I think the white elephant in the room is the L word, (and it's not the TV show).
Take your own advice, go with it, see where it goes, but one of you is going to wind up saying it and taking the chance that they feel the same way, or is a letdown because they don't.
When you're at a comfort zone in yourself to say it to her and prepared for her response either way, then is the time to tell her.If you're not, this might keep going on.
Of course, she might get weird and even more distant about it, but you have to take those chances to find out, or the not knowing might keep the sex going, but eventually wind down and you both move on. But you def. don't want to say if if you feel like you're about to lose her. That's too little too late.
And don't say it where it's this serious moment... conversation in the car, where you just come out and say it, like right when you get to the gas station or about to go into a movie theater, or if you want the ambience of a sunset, say it then.
Women are used to guys saying it like it's pulling teeth, but if it comes out of you naturally, because you do feel that you do love her, it's better to say it and take your chances then wonder if you should or shouldn't.
But it might not solve the whole emotional distance thing even after you say it.
Originally Posted by stricktease
She came over the other night to make dinner with me and watch a movie while cuddling on the couch and afterwards we went into the bedroom. We ended up having pretty emotional sex, she asked if I really loved her and I said Yes, I do baby. I said it again later during and she reciprocated and said she loved me too. Thing is it still seems like she is playing games with me. Saying stuff like "Women are in control because the guy is always horny..." Generally acting like she is in control.
How do you deal with this and reframe the relationship? Is it alright to just come out and say to stop with the games and that I want her to show me that she is committed to me if she wants a relationship? Or is there a better way to go about it?
Some more background... She asked me the other night "what are your plans for me?". And so I asked her where she thought things were going. She replied with the fact that we exhibit the qualities of a life long relationship. And so I asked her "So, are you asking me out?" She did the whole hmmm, well maybe wink wink type thing. And I said "Well Maybe I accept. Wink wink"
Originally Posted by sdnightfly
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