Girlfriend crying over ex-boyfriend

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  1. #1
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    Girlfriend crying over ex-boyfriend

    Basic information: I (19), my girlfriend (19) and her ex-boyfriend (20) see each other five times a week at school, and normally 1-2 times during the weekends. Been with this girl for half-a-year. We have a good relationsship I think. Lots of fun together, good sex (1-5 times a week, in other words, almost always when we're together alone), both common friends, not-common friends etc; good things.

    Important information: My girlfriend and her ex-boyfriend were togheter for 2 years. He broke up with her, dumped her, like "I have no feelings for you anymore." They were fuckfriends 1 year after the break-up. This is 1 year ago. They still have, more or less daily, contact trough facebook. Sometimes trough sms. He has a girlfriend of half-a-year.

    Issue: A few days ago I picked up my girlfriend from a birthday (she was lightly drunk) and I was also lightly drunk (been at another birthday). When we came home to her house and relaxed she started to cry like the rain fell down in Arizona. To put it briefly:

    Me: Why are you crying?
    Her: I read something from a magasin earlier today about break-ups. They mentioned the "I have no feelings for you" part which I experienced with Glen. I got sad thinking about it, sorry for being so emotional...
    Me: What exactly happened when he broke up with ya?
    Her: *crying* He said he had got enough of me. Like out of the blue. I had no clue and was schocked. Crushed. Suicidal. As you know, we hooked up like 1 year after the break-up and I don't know why I allowed him to. *crying*.
    Me: Damn... he was a jerk, really.
    Her: Yes... and when he got his new girlfriend I didn't care that much. She's not that pretty anyway. And he has become a much worse person lately. He has changed alot in a negative way. I don't like him anymore, even though he is still somehow the same Glen I loved. But it doesn't matter now that I have got you. You're much better than him.
    Me: *nodding*
    Her: Sorry for being such an emotional freak.

    And then we went off to bed. What do you think of this?

    - She has feelings for her ex-boyfriend and will come back to him as soon as he breaks up with his girlfriend?
    - She has feelings for her ex-boyfriend, but is happier with me?
    - She just reacted badly to old memories?
    - Should I dump her because of this? If so, why?

    Personally... I got abit sceared after this sequense. I think she loves him still=/ Fact is, I have plenty of other girls if this is a "break-up" so it's not a BIG problem, but I would LOVE to keep her, really...



  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Naturallity View Post
    Basic information: I (19), my girlfriend (19) and her ex-boyfriend (20) see each other five times a week at school, and normally 1-2 times during the weekends. Been with this girl for half-a-year. We have a good relationsship I think. Lots of fun together, good sex (1-5 times a week, in other words, almost always when we're together alone), both common friends, not-common friends etc; good things.

    Important information: My girlfriend and her ex-boyfriend were togheter for 2 years. He broke up with her, dumped her, like "I have no feelings for you anymore." They were fuckfriends 1 year after the break-up. This is 1 year ago. They still have, more or less daily, contact trough facebook. Sometimes trough sms. He has a girlfriend of half-a-year.

    Issue: A few days ago I picked up my girlfriend from a birthday (she was lightly drunk) and I was also lightly drunk (been at another birthday). When we came home to her house and relaxed she started to cry like the rain fell down in Arizona. To put it briefly:

    Me: Why are you crying?
    Her: I read something from a magasin earlier today about break-ups. They mentioned the "I have no feelings for you" part which I experienced with Glen. I got sad thinking about it, sorry for being so emotional...
    Me: What exactly happened when he broke up with ya?
    Her: *crying* He said he had got enough of me. Like out of the blue. I had no clue and was schocked. Crushed. Suicidal. As you know, we hooked up like 1 year after the break-up and I don't know why I allowed him to. *crying*.
    Me: Damn... he was a jerk, really.
    Her: Yes... and when he got his new girlfriend I didn't care that much. She's not that pretty anyway. And he has become a much worse person lately. He has changed alot in a negative way. I don't like him anymore, even though he is still somehow the same Glen I loved. But it doesn't matter now that I have got you. You're much better than him.
    Me: *nodding*
    Her: Sorry for being such an emotional freak.

    And then we went off to bed. What do you think of this?

    - She has feelings for her ex-boyfriend and will come back to him as soon as he breaks up with his girlfriend?
    - She has feelings for her ex-boyfriend, but is happier with me?
    - She just reacted badly to old memories?
    - Should I dump her because of this? If so, why?

    Personally... I got abit sceared after this sequense. I think she loves him still=/ Fact is, I have plenty of other girls if this is a "break-up" so it's not a BIG problem, but I would LOVE to keep her, really...

    Bolded sections stood out to be as red flags.

    Firstly -- You've been in a relationship for SIX MONTHS, and you think it's pretty good? Usually a significant time investment will let you know if you're good or not. Just throwing that out there.

    She reads something from a magazine. That's fine. What irked me was the adjectives she used to describe her state when he was done with her. The adjectives, and her rationalization thereafter of his new girlfriend irk me -- It has a lingering connotation of LSE to me.

    Her rationalization thereafter is based in a superficial worth of herself. She is prettier than the new girlfriend? Honestly? That's a pretty crummy way to measure your sense of self worth.

    He's still the same guy she loved..... But you're here now!

    I was with my nephew getting ice cream several years back. He asked for his favorite flavor. They didn't have it. He proceeded to be disappointed for several minutes, until they mixed in some cookie dough toppings to vanilla ice cream. It was close enough to his desired ice cream fixation to keep him quiet for the ride home. Upon arrival to his mother, He proudly declared that they didn't have what he wanted, but "It's okay. I got my tasty anyways!"

    These are things that I would have qualified for before the relationship.

    Whether you stay with a woman who bases her intrinsic self worth on who she's with, and who's "Good to her" -- Perhaps a case of LSE -- That's your call buddy.

    ==Romo
    Always ask Questions.

    It takes Titanium Balls to be Honest.

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    She was just upset over old drama/being hurt in the past and emotional about it. Happens to all of us at times. As long as she doesn't talk about him all the time or keep in close contact with him, you're fine.

    Support her and move on. Does she get emotional like this a lot?

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    From what you're describing, it doesn't sound so bad. She'd probably be better off if she wasn't Facebooking/SMS'ing him all the time, since she's never gotten any space and the feelings still seem kind of raw. But I would not worry about it unless this is a persistent thing.

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    I think you are being a bit insecure. she hasn't done anything suspicious from what u have said. although I would talk to her about toning down the contact with her ex. they are ex'es for a reason.

    would she like you hanging out with ur ex alot?

    idk about you , but if u have been in a serious ltr, you will occassionally think about the ex. especially if she dumped you. it's not that you feel like she was a great gf or nething but YOU r left wondering why you were rejected. you begin to ask yourself what you did wrong (when in REALITY u may have been great but the other was not on the same
    page)

    give her a bit of time. she validates her rejection from the ex by saying she is prettier than the other girl. I do not feel that this is something that had to be checked for thu qualification. girls know guys are visual creatures, so their physical appeal is their highest form of validation.

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    Sounds like you should be a lot smarter and not drink and drive...

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Naturallity View Post
    Basic information: I (19), my girlfriend (19) and her ex-boyfriend (20) see each other five times a week at school, and normally 1-2 times during the weekends. Been with this girl for half-a-year. We have a good relationsship I think. Lots of fun together, good sex (1-5 times a week, in other words, almost always when we're together alone), both common friends, not-common friends etc; good things.

    Important information: My girlfriend and her ex-boyfriend were togheter for 2 years. He broke up with her, dumped her, like "I have no feelings for you anymore." They were fuckfriends 1 year after the break-up. This is 1 year ago. They still have, more or less daily, contact trough facebook. Sometimes trough sms. He has a girlfriend of half-a-year.

    Issue: A few days ago I picked up my girlfriend from a birthday (she was lightly drunk) and I was also lightly drunk (been at another birthday). When we came home to her house and relaxed she started to cry like the rain fell down in Arizona. To put it briefly:

    Me: Why are you crying?
    Her: I read something from a magasin earlier today about break-ups. They mentioned the "I have no feelings for you" part which I experienced with Glen. I got sad thinking about it, sorry for being so emotional...
    Me: What exactly happened when he broke up with ya?
    Her: *crying* He said he had got enough of me. Like out of the blue. I had no clue and was schocked. Crushed. Suicidal. As you know, we hooked up like 1 year after the break-up and I don't know why I allowed him to. *crying*.
    Me: Damn... he was a jerk, really.
    Her: Yes... and when he got his new girlfriend I didn't care that much. She's not that pretty anyway. And he has become a much worse person lately. He has changed alot in a negative way. I don't like him anymore, even though he is still somehow the same Glen I loved. But it doesn't matter now that I have got you. You're much better than him.
    Me: *nodding*
    Her: Sorry for being such an emotional freak.

    And then we went off to bed. What do you think of this?

    - She has feelings for her ex-boyfriend and will come back to him as soon as he breaks up with his girlfriend?
    - She has feelings for her ex-boyfriend, but is happier with me?
    - She just reacted badly to old memories?
    - Should I dump her because of this? If so, why?

    Personally... I got abit sceared after this sequense. I think she loves him still=/ Fact is, I have plenty of other girls if this is a "break-up" so it's not a BIG problem, but I would LOVE to keep her, really...
    Well, one tip here for you is to avoid talking about her ex (and your ex) at all costs. If it gets brought up, change the subject immediately.

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