I wish to break up with my girlfriend, but I "love" her and don't want to hurt her

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  1. #1
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    I wish to break up with my girlfriend, but I "love" her and don't want to hurt her

    I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 5 months now, she lives next to me (student appartments here) and we see each other a lot. We have sex almost every single day, which is really good for both of us. Physically, I rate her 7-8.

    I am only 20 years old and don't have that much experience with girls yet. I am attracted to tons of other girls at the moment as well (who are also attracted to me most of the time). The single-life seems really awesome to me right now, so I am thinking about breaking up with her.

    The problem is she is such a damn sweet girl. In the beginning I told her I was high maintenance, and made sure she was really putting lots of effort in me. She did, and she is still doing it. She is madly in love with me, and I just know that she will collapse if I break up. On a logical level I know I must give my own interest the highest priority, but I am afraid that when I see her collapse I will pity her so much that I start doubting my decision. I fear my emotions will fuck with me and that I will interpret the pity I feel as "real love".

    It's just totally against my nature to hurt good people. I want to break up, but I will feel evil by doing so.

    There is not really something "wrong" with my girlfriend or with my relationship, it's just not the thing I desire at this stage of my life. On the outside this relationship seems perfect. The breakup would be very sudden to my girlfriend, she thinks everything is fine, which causes me to feel even worse if I do it.

    Can someone please help me? I am confused...



  2. #2
    Vapor is offline Administrator Emeritus
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    You can't help hurting her. It sucks, but if you aren't happy in a monogamous relationship you have to break up with her.

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    it sucks when you're in a relationship, and all of a sudden, all these girls start coming out of the wood works telling you how much they're interested in you.. blah blah.. The thing is, I think GIrls have a sixth sense that spots Unavailable Men.. And it triggers them to get "what they can not have"

    You'll see, As soon as you break up with your girlfriend, It will all stop.. You'll say "oh shit, maybe i made the wrong choice?" and try to get back with your current girlfriend, and it'll never be the same..

    (personal experience)
    Lead me not into Temptation... I can find that place my self!

    Got Frame?-HumorUS

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    Quote Originally Posted by HumorUS View Post
    it sucks when you're in a relationship, and all of a sudden, all these girls start coming out of the wood works telling you how much they're interested in you.. blah blah.. The thing is, I think GIrls have a sixth sense that spots Unavailable Men.. And it triggers them to get "what they can not have"

    You'll see, As soon as you break up with your girlfriend, It will all stop.. You'll say "oh shit, maybe i made the wrong choice?" and try to get back with your current girlfriend, and it'll never be the same..

    (personal experience)
    Yeah, I would think hard about this before you go through. If there is "nothing wrong w/ her," as you say, you might end up regretting it. The grass might not be as green at is seems on the other side. Then again, it might actually be greener. What HumorUS said holds a lot of truth. Women love an unavailable man. It is a sort of pre-selection.

    Anyway, if you would happier without her, then by all means, you should end it. Just don't expect to give her up then expect her to crawl back after you decide it was the wrong choice.

    Part of growing up is making decisions and living with the consequences, knowing that it was your decision to make.

    And you know, one thing I have learned, is that people often have no idea what they have until they've lost it.

    Keep all these things in mind when making your decision. Good luck and let us know.

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    you're the #1 priority, when it comes to this case, it'll hurt her in the long run if you stay with her unhappily.

    but like previous persons said, make sure this is your FINAL decision and you are ready to see her dating other guys and not feel regret and want to get back with her.

    really think about what you are letting go. i as well have made mistakes of letting a good girl go (and regretting it).

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    Yeah be careful, u say she lives next door to you? Imagine listening to her having sex with someone else while your home alone and then decide

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    FWIW...

    I was in a similar situation in college. Well, sort of. I dated a girl for 3 years, she was awesome, but suddenly I found myself wondering what the single life was like... curiosity got the best of me and I broke up with her, completely breaking her heart in the process.

    The grass wasn't greener. For the next 7 years, no one I dated could compare to her. She was always the standard against which I compared all future dates and gfs, and they all fell short.

    I've finally met someone who is on her level.

    Anyway, you won't understand until you go through it yourself. That isn't to say that breaking up with her isn't the right thing for you to do...

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    The grass wasn't greener. For the next 7 years, no one I dated could compare to her. She was always the standard against which I compared all future dates and gfs, and they all fell short.
    Damn, reality check huh?
    /relationships/96856-insecurities-cheating.html

    /relationships/97993-insecurities-being-clingy-needy.html

    /relationships/108019-insecurities-snooping.html

    /relationships/98888-how-apologize.html

    /relationships/117426-how-choosing-gift-your-gf.html

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    I say if you're happy with her stick with her but its really up to you.

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    The urge to see other girls is a hard one to resist.

    You get different types of experiences in a stable relationship than you do dating different girls.

    A relationship should be a "we", and if a girl has you on a pedestal, you're going to take it for granted, and could wind up with some real head cases that you didn't get to know over time. The sex is good, the chick is damaged, and can be a f-ing nightmare trying to get rid of her, if she doesn't get rid of you first.

    You talk about her like she's incapable of getting over you. Once you drop the news, you have no idea what she's going to do next. She might flip out, she might say "whatever you want", or she might just go out and find a guy that night... you might or might not get a dry spell. Maybe you have more than you know what to deal with.

    The pro of breaking up with her is that you aren't going to cheat on her. The con is that as soon as you say it, you might regret it, and not realize until after the fact that you made a huge mistake.

    So do this... don't talk for her for 3 days, unplug and don't use your cell phone, don't email, nothing... this way you can get an idea of what life without her is like. After that, start putting some distance between you and her, so she knows something is up, and you can tell her that you don't want to cheat but came close recently.

    Breakups suck but if you know this is what you want, then you should do it. But don't look back or get back together with her, or you'll wind up in an on-again, off-again thing. After you've both seen other people, then explore something like that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Maegfaer View Post
    I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 5 months now, she lives next to me (student appartments here) and we see each other a lot. We have sex almost every single day, which is really good for both of us. Physically, I rate her 7-8.

    I am only 20 years old and don't have that much experience with girls yet. I am attracted to tons of other girls at the moment as well (who are also attracted to me most of the time). The single-life seems really awesome to me right now, so I am thinking about breaking up with her.

    The problem is she is such a damn sweet girl. In the beginning I told her I was high maintenance, and made sure she was really putting lots of effort in me. She did, and she is still doing it. She is madly in love with me, and I just know that she will collapse if I break up. On a logical level I know I must give my own interest the highest priority, but I am afraid that when I see her collapse I will pity her so much that I start doubting my decision. I fear my emotions will fuck with me and that I will interpret the pity I feel as "real love".

    It's just totally against my nature to hurt good people. I want to break up, but I will feel evil by doing so.

    There is not really something "wrong" with my girlfriend or with my relationship, it's just not the thing I desire at this stage of my life. On the outside this relationship seems perfect. The breakup would be very sudden to my girlfriend, she thinks everything is fine, which causes me to feel even worse if I do it.

    Can someone please help me? I am confused...

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