Discuss How can I recover from revealing jealously to LTR? at the Relationships within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; How can I recover from revealing jealously to LTR?
Been in a successful Relationship Management ...
How can I recover from revealing jealously to LTR?
Been in a successful LTR for approx six months. Everything seemed to be going well! GF was still in contact with her ex, which did annoy me but I didn't let it show.
Then one time after she had been speaking to him, she came over to me and in a moment of complete amateurishness I was in a mood. Obviously jealous that she had just been talking to him!
Understandably she saw that as a complete turn-off and was shocked to see me react in such a way. She is now 'having doubts' about our relationship.
What can I do to show to her I am not jealous and try and reverse the damage done? Should I talk to her specifically about it?
If it comes up then tell her she's being childish or blowing it out of proportion, laugh it off or if you can't then you were having a bad day and took it out on her. "One time I am in a bad mood and now I'm the psycho boyfriend...come on. Anybody ever tell you that you dwell on the negative too much?"
Along those lines.
EDIT: but if you are still jealous after six months then you either need to set a boundary (if the contact is unreasonable) or more likely work on some inner game issues.
Was this a regular argument or did you completely blow up at her? I'd wonder about her if she was "having doubts about the relationship" at the first sign of weakness.
Originally Posted by johnwheeler87
Agreed. Girls won't typically start having doubts about the entire relationship because of one relatively minor mistake/sign of weakness on your part. Are there other reasons for her to feel this way? What are they? If there's not, you need to think about whether you want to be in a long term relationship with a girl who thinks about walking after ONE argument.
Originally Posted by _Ghost_
If it comes up, tell her you were in a bad mood that day and you're sorry you took it out on her. Then move on.
Oh, and work on your jealousy issues.
If she's really getting that upset it's for one of two reasons:
1) You have absolutely no reason to be jealous and she's proven this, has bee a "stand-up" gal, and is totally loyal and a great GF. Thus she deserves your trust.
2) She is getting defensive because she probably is or at least feels like she is doing something she shouldn't be doing.
I really feel from the vibe here that it's the latter, but I have to ask some questions first.
1) Is she totally open about their (her and her ex's) interactions with you?
2) Is your relationship healthy (Good sex frequently, fights aren't too intense, she's not "too" crazy on you yet)?
3) Does she have ANY history on infidelity?
4) Does she tend to justify things or act like she is always right (okay maybe this is 99.9% of girls, but there could be some tell-tales)?
I agree with everyone that a) You messed up and this is unattractive and you need to work on inner game (whether your jealousy proves warranted or not, you should never feel it or care....that's the end goal) and b) a girl willing to end a 6 month exclusive LTR after one little sign of possible weakness is very VERY iffy.......
Be the Alpha! Be the Prize!
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Well, it all boils down to her relationship with her ex (i.e. is he just a good friend or does she want him back?) If she has been a good, faithful gf and the ex is just a friend and she is open with you about talking to him, then I can see why she is pissed off. In the first few months of a relationship girls generally look for signs or trends that show a guy's character and may play an important role later on (ex. after marriage). If a guy shows signs of being jealous or controlling early on, those traits are likely to increase over time and be exacerbated by stress and other circumstances.
I tend to be very careful about weeding out jealous/controlling guys early on. Perhaps this has to do with horror stories I heard from friends, or the divorces that happened in my family that stemmed from those traits, or the fact that I really like being in control of my life and despise it when people tell me how to live it. When a guy has an attack of jealousy, it serves as a big, flashing warning sign for me to get the hell away. In the survival sense, a highly jealous guy can pose a danger to me or my offspring.
In other words, I can see why she's pissed. Work on your inner game and don't have any more jealousy attacks. If you really don't trust her and suspect her of cheating, then break up.
man exes piss me off and women too....girls keep guy "friends" around and you know its just a barely veiled in case of emergency break glass dick in a box. If thats not true (which it is) ive got a routine to use if you DO get into an argument about him being just a friend...have her call him up at like 2.30am and slur "hey im drunk and id really like to just fuck someone...*knock knock*...your here? already?" :P
Kepp in mind that its possible for girls to not want to fuck the guy and you shouldnt get upset just because he wants to fuck her....she should be high enough value that thats going to happen right? you DID choose her for a relationship....
What pisses me off and im sure its inner game or whatnot is the fact that exes that girls still talk to and friends of theirs that are guys are there hanging out and shes keeping them around to get gorilla fucked by them as soon as you break up or potentially have problems.
Problem is that you are jealous, and now your feelings are out and you think you can hide them again. You need to totally change your outlook not just pretend.
Originally Posted by johnwheeler87
Love dallsbeeps' post here. Fucking hilarious. Just got broken up with by a girl who was still in touch with her ex husband a little more often than I liked. She was not open and honest about her contact with him. There was always a little more to the story then I was allowed to know. She accidentally texted me and him at the same time once which is an impossible mistake with her phone. She was just new to it and got busted. Then she went somewhere for the weekend and got into some big and carried away fight with him over the phone. But if everything was really over then why all the tension? I displayed some AFC jealousy but I think it was warranted. I in effect pushed her into breaking up with me but am not so sure I didn't expedite the inevitable. I mean just because you have jealousy doesn't make you a loser or insecure. I mean what if it is in fact warranted?
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