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Discuss how do i get the upper hand after being dumped at the Phone/Text Game within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; how do i get the upper hand after being dumped so its been awhile now ...
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    how do i get the upper hand after being dumped

    so its been awhile now that ive been out of my relatioship with my ex, and i still do have feelings for her and would take her back but i need that upper hand again. she only texts me, she wants to be my friend but doesnt want to see me or hang out.

    after awhile of trying to make here feel comfortable with out annoying her i ask her to hang out again and she replies ( " No thanks" ) and so i agree with her and leave it alone so when i do leave it alone she texts me two days later saying i got a text by me to her, and it was probley any accident, sending it to the wrong person but anyways, it was a joke to someone else.

    she responds to me saying " I thaught you gave up on me and you stop texting me. So I repiled " I didnt stop texting you I was busy "
    I sent another text right after asking if she wanted to get together and she says. no thanks we've talked about this.

    she wants to be my friend and yet doesnt want to hang out, i thaught i had some lean way of hanging out whaen she said she thaught I stopped texting her. and yet again she has the upper hand, how do i get her crawling back and wanting to be around me. and know that i got better things to do witch I do but i still care for her and would like to have her in my life...

    any help would be very appreciated..



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    Of course she doesn't want to hang out...she's doing what you should be doing: giving herself space to get over you. Instead of trying to get her to hang out, get your friends together and find some new girls. Exes are exes for a reason; if it didn't work out once, it won't work out the second time either. From the sounds of it, the whole "friends" thing is bs to make her feel better about the breakup.

    In other words, GFTOW.

    Rogue

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    I totaly agree with you that I thaught the whole friends thing is bs too. The thing is I know I should be moving on, I guess in some cases it's difficult because I do still have some feelings for her. I just don't get why she wants to bother texting me. It makes no sence to me. I know I screwd up the relationship badly and if the roles were reversed I would even think of texting me.

    But that's the past I just don't know what to do if she does texts me again or what I should say or how to go by doing or saying to her what I need to in order for me to stand out like that guy that has the upper hand, it's extreamly rare that situations like mine or anyone else's work out even if they did or I did get back with her, but for some dumb reason I want her back. I'd know things would be different, so I'm just asking for some advice.

    So if you could please bare with me and give me somthing to go off of and how to act when she does text me. Then I can do it from there. I just need a kick start in knowing what to do or how to act and or what to say if she texts me again. So I can have any opertunity to be with her, I know you probley think I'm dumb or desprite but if you could give me some advice that would be great. Please and thankyou.

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    I totaly agree with you that I thaught the whole friends thing is bs too. The thing is I know I should be moving on, I guess in some cases it's difficult because I do still have some feelings for her. I just don't get why she wants to bother texting me. It makes no sence to me. I know I screwd up the relationship badly and if the roles were reversed I would even think of texting me.

    But that's the past I just don't know what to do if she does texts me again or what I should say or how to go by doing or saying to her what I need to in order for me to stand out like that guy that has the upper hand, it's extreamly rare that situations like mine or anyone else's work out even if they did or I did get back with her, but for some dumb reason I want her back. I'd know things would be different, so I'm just asking for some advice.

    So if you could please bare with me and give me somthing to go off of and how to act when she does text me. Then I can do it from there. I just need a kick start in knowing what to do or how to act and or what to say if she texts me again. So I can have any opertunity to be with her, I know you probley think I'm dumb or desprite but if you could give me some advice that would be great. Please and thankyou.

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    Ive known a few couples who broke up but ended up good friends anyway. Definately give each other space at first, but then, as long as its not at all done in a competitive way, I think the friends thing can work.

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    Bro, what you're saying sounds needy. You're coming into this situation with an empty cup. Stand up, yell "WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!". Feeling better? Okay, good. Now, I don't know how things ended up the way that they are but unless u did something unacceptable like cheating, don't blame yourself for screwing it up because "it takes two to tango."

    That being said, I totally get where you're coming from. My ex dumped me back in June and I still think about her often. There were days when I would have jump at the chance to be together with her again. However, coming from the victim frame after the breakup, i went from nice guy to slightly arrogant/jerk. It didn't sit too well with her. Also, I completely cut her off (phone, facebook, etc.) What I did that I am proud of is:

    1) Working on making myself the best that I can be [Health, wealth(school), and game]
    2) Going joined a local Pickup Lair and made new friends
    3) Going on newbie missions to get over my approach anxiety

    What I would recommend for you is to first get over her. Personally, I don't think you need to go drastic by cutting her out of your life completely but if you can't handle it emotionally, best to cut the cord. Now if you can handle it and you and your ex are in the same social circle, then just be your best self, get over her, hang out with other girls and she'll find out one way or another.

    You can't get her back by being needy and unfortunately, there isn't one foolproof sniper move that will get her back. Do you really want her back though? Is she the LTR/wife material? If you can't imagine yourself married to this girl for life, i say why bother. If you want something casual such as a one night stand, work on your pickup skills, pick a hot chick up and give her a great time without the emotional baggage.

    In terms of texting, don't return her text right away but don't make it predictable like waiting exactly 12 hours. That'll just make you look like a chump. Remember, she prob know you better than you know yourself.

    Either way bro, you gotta work on yourself first.

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    the advice given so far is spot on. if you really want to get the 'upper hand' the key is actually getting as far away from her and getting hotter girls. she will come crawling back, by which time you will be over her.

    i went through a very similar situation a while back, have a read of these threads 1 and 2. they should really help.

    good luck

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    GFTOW seems to be ur solution. If she texts or contacts you again put your foot down and tell her the truth, you say you don't believe in being friends so tell her that then tell her not to call/text again.

    You want her to like you again, what about attraction switches, start gaming her again if you are talking to her and don't want to totally cut her off.

    Good luck.

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