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Discuss List of Facebook status reports that are DHV at the Online Game and IMs within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; I don't know if this one fits in a facebook status but I posted it ...
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    I don't know if this one fits in a facebook status but I posted it in one of those facebook groups where there are a lot of people.

    I was at Mcdonalds, and talking with some friends and there was this guy sitting in the corner all by himself. he looked sort of depressed. i didn't really think about it until later, though. he finished his food before us and walked out. like, 30 seconds later, we hear these brakes screeching and we were like 'wtf, was that a car accident?' and we all stand up and look out the window. it was that kid. i guess he jumped in front of a car or something. he was just lying on the ground. i couldn't tell if he was alive or not. it was crazy. this lady standing in line started screaming and stuff. we didn't go out there, but we watched until the ambulance came. it was really sad when his mom showed up though. they had to sort of shovel him onto the stretcher, and as they were putting him into the ambulance, I called my mom to tell her what happened and that I saw the tread marks on his chest and head and she screamed 'you're movin' in with your uncle and auntie in belair.' I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and it had dice in the mirror. if anything i could say that this cab was rare, but i thought "nah forget it, yo, homes, to bel air." i pulled up to the house about seven or eight, and i yelled to the cabby "yo homes, smell ya later." looking at my kingdom, i was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of bel air.



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    ouch... terrible story to make a joke of.. Make another one.. More ironic and funny. This is serious and terrifying. Not funny.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Offda Boata View Post
    I don't know if this one fits in a facebook status but I posted it in one of those facebook groups where there are a lot of people.

    I was at Mcdonalds, and talking with some friends and there was this guy sitting in the corner all by himself. he looked sort of depressed. i didn't really think about it until later, though. he finished his food before us and walked out. like, 30 seconds later, we hear these brakes screeching and we were like 'wtf, was that a car accident?' and we all stand up and look out the window. it was that kid. i guess he jumped in front of a car or something. he was just lying on the ground. i couldn't tell if he was alive or not. it was crazy. this lady standing in line started screaming and stuff. we didn't go out there, but we watched until the ambulance came. it was really sad when his mom showed up though. they had to sort of shovel him onto the stretcher, and as they were putting him into the ambulance, I called my mom to tell her what happened and that I saw the tread marks on his chest and head and she screamed 'you're movin' in with your uncle and auntie in belair.' I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and it had dice in the mirror. if anything i could say that this cab was rare, but i thought "nah forget it, yo, homes, to bel air." i pulled up to the house about seven or eight, and i yelled to the cabby "yo homes, smell ya later." looking at my kingdom, i was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of bel air.
    That's fucked up dude.... Not funny at all. There's nothing DHV about that. It just shows people that you're an asshole with a very dark sense of humor. Not Good. Anyways just don't put that up, try something else ,
    "I am not limited like you. I am not subject to human conditions. I can measure and understand your human weaknesses, for I have studied them; but I have none of them in me. My flesh is not real, my clothes are not real... I am a spirit." - Mark Twain

    "HULK SMASH!"

    Always. Be. Closing.

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    I'm kinda glad this thread has moved away from the hole "yo check me out I'm so big and bad I sleep with sluts by the dozen" types of statuses, to more funny stories/ jokes, which actually work better with the women in my area.. With that said, I'll share a few of mine..

    "A naked guy walks into a psychologist's office and says "hey doc, I'm feeling really weird lately, can you tell me what's wrong?" The psychologist says "well, I can clearly see your nuts."

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    "A guy goes into the dentist to have a cavity drilled. The dentist says "can I give you some Novacaine first?" The guy says "no." The dentist asks "well, can I at least give you some laughing gas?" Again, the guy says "no." Finally, the dentist asks "well can I at least give you a Viagra?" The guy says "wait, will that get rid of the pain?" The dentist responds "no, but it'll give you something to hold onto while I'm drilling!"

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    "A trucker is heading down the highway, when all of a sudden, the engine bucks and shuts off. The trucker notices the gas gauge is showing empty, and he sits on the side of the road for awhile, until a bee flies by. The bee asks him "hey man, whats wrong?" The trucker tells him that the truck ran out of gas. The bee says "okay, don't move, I'll be right back" The bee flies away and comes back with an entire swarm of bees. They all fly into the gas tank for a few seconds, and when they come out, the first bee says "okay, try starting it now." The trucker turns the key, and sure enough the truck starts up fine, and the gas gauge shows more than enough for the trucker to make it to his destination. The trucker is astonished and says "thanks guys, but I gotta ask, what did you put in there anyway?" The bees respond "BP."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Offda Boata View Post
    I don't know if this one fits in a facebook status but I posted it in one of those facebook groups where there are a lot of people.

    I was at Mcdonalds, and talking with some friends and there was this guy sitting in the corner all by himself. he looked sort of depressed. i didn't really think about it until later, though. he finished his food before us and walked out. like, 30 seconds later, we hear these brakes screeching and we were like 'wtf, was that a car accident?' and we all stand up and look out the window. it was that kid. i guess he jumped in front of a car or something. he was just lying on the ground. i couldn't tell if he was alive or not. it was crazy. this lady standing in line started screaming and stuff. we didn't go out there, but we watched until the ambulance came. it was really sad when his mom showed up though. they had to sort of shovel him onto the stretcher, and as they were putting him into the ambulance, I called my mom to tell her what happened and that I saw the tread marks on his chest and head and she screamed 'you're movin' in with your uncle and auntie in belair.' I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and it had dice in the mirror. if anything i could say that this cab was rare, but i thought "nah forget it, yo, homes, to bel air." i pulled up to the house about seven or eight, and i yelled to the cabby "yo homes, smell ya later." looking at my kingdom, i was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of bel air.
    I literally cannot imagine anyone thinking that is funny or DHVing you at all.

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    Girl: "can u buy me a drink"
    Guy (ME) : "can i see some i.d"
    trying to work this into a status, ideas?

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    uh, i'll give it a shot...

    girl at club last night - you're cute, wanna buy me a drink?
    me - sorry that tattooed red head girl bought mine, but you can eat the ice cubes when I'm done

    or maybe...

    Girl at club last night - can you buy me a drink?
    Me - i'm in a good mood... what do ya like?
    Girl - tequila sunrise
    Me - haha fuck that, that's the reason I always carry my rape whistle now.

    but, replace the word "club" with the actual name of a club you go to.

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    Quote Originally Posted by TheDreamingTree145 View Post
    I literally cannot imagine anyone thinking that is funny or DHVing you at all.
    Well I think it is because anybody with half a brain would at the end of the story realize that it is made up to show a element of surprise and humor and they would laught just like they ACTUALLY did when I posted it. You guys are too scared to get out of that "comfort zone", everything doesnt have to be DHV to make people laugh, I really feel like I'm talking to real computer nerds, no offence right now, I'm just trying to help. I feel like some of you guys are affraid to be just "guys" at the end of the day, some of you care to fit into what you think women would like, I think they should fit into what you like at the end of the day. I play the game for them to come chase me and not the other way around.

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