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Critique of my online chats

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  1. #1
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    Critique of my online chats

    This is for a chick that posted she wanted to meet me, class clown/no pets/ waitress/ car yes/ dating/ blah fucking blah. I've done openers before on my own but those didnt fucking pan out so i thought to swallow my no-help complex and just post this shit here. The first and last lines were stolen from the "What your up against" thread.

    "Hi. Kind of off for me to just message someone out of the blue yonder like this.

    So what's up. So you live in that City of Gold and Glass. I've been to Santa Clarita before and frankly know one major attraction near there (that is not a person). Am i supposed to contact your g-mail or here, damn confusing kingdom here. So what's new in that wonderful world of you? You 'appear' cute, but i'm not sure about your other half. Is Rose really your last name? You 'appear' by your statement that you are pretty rigid in your stuff too. I dont want to be talking about myself because you know my profile already. Yes its all true. So i'm willing to meet with you , the least we will do is have a drink."



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    Hey man,

    Others might have a better perspective on this. I'll give you my experience. I know that with the removal of subject lines girls are taking WAY longer to respond. So they have to weed through more garbage than usual. Have you ever cleared out your email folder on your computer? You start deleting anything that LOOKS like spam or garbage. If they see a giant wall of text it's game over.

    Unless you've got a spectacular profile pic this won't get read. If it does get read it is still kinda long and is too needy. Shoot me a PM and I'll give you some of the messages I use to open with a pretty decent success rate.

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    I think it's good bro, what have been your sticking points with it?
    Bace
    Status: Hardcore PUA Keyboard Jockey Newbie

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    Critique of my online chats

    Because this has been my lengthiest one so far on okcupid, but it just fizzled out because i was just way too out there/wacky. This shit is my fucking disease, it pisses me off to no end, i just get up my own ass at times like this. fuuuu uuuck.
    This was occuring within minutes, real time basically because it was just past midnight so:

    me: Hi. I dunno what i'm doing lol! I'm serious though!
    Match57% Enemy13% Friend37%

    Nov 22, 2013 10:58pm
    her: I'm not, I like to play

    Nov 22, 2013 11:31pm
    me: liar! you're a lying liar who doesnt tell the truth.

    Scratch that, what did i say to you regards to what? Anyway its so late and i'm tops cause it's my birthday.

    Nov 22, 2013 11:32pm
    her: at least I'm honest Happy birthday!

    Nov 22, 2013 11:35pm
    me: thank you.

    Quick question: Are you hispanic or asian?

    LOL

    Nov 22, 2013 11:35pm
    her: Mexican LOL

    Nov 22, 2013 11:40pm
    me: . Well thanks for the bday gift , just what i wanted.

    Teach me something.

    Nov 22, 2013 11:41pm
    her: What do you want to learn

    Nov 22, 2013 11:45pm
    me: I wanna learn the secret of the world and the meaning of life!!!!!!

    Nov 22, 2013 11:48pm
    her: Well, If you look at the universe as a whole then life means nothing, it's just a random act.

    Nov 22, 2013 11:52pm
    me: I'm too dreamy to think about the universe.
    i wanna learn, waminute what do you teach exactly?

    Nov 22, 2013 11:53pm
    her: English

    Nov 22, 2013 11:53pm
    me: That's deep , agreed, and its a battle between morals and chaos.

    Nov 22, 2013 11:57pm
    her: Yes, The right thing is always the hardest to do though.

    Nov 23, 2013 12:00am
    me: English huh, i like words too, like fruit and pant.
    I've seen a little English before, like when you see them on the tv guide channel.

    Nov 23, 2013 12:02am
    her: What's a pant? What do you mean by seen English?

    Nov 23, 2013 12:07am
    me: I mean those weird ass words on the tv screen. I've seen it, only on tv. Pant is the singular of pants. LOL

    Nov 23, 2013 12:11am
    her: Pants doesn't have a singular form, LOL. I've never watched the TV guide channel so I don't know the words you are talking about.

    Nov 23, 2013 12:16am
    me: I love how your profile is really detailed and i gain deeper insight into your psyche. Like being from Los Angeles, that narrows it right down. It appears to me, miss miranda, that we're very hot/cold as shown in our percentages, so your "just for friends" thing need not apply!

    Nov 23, 2013 12:17am
    her: I mean special kinds of friends

    Nov 23, 2013 12:20am
    me: Oooh i totally get it, the short bus kind. Alright i understand, i did take the short bus in 9th grade. And it was awesome yo! Cause we ended up knowing everyone on there! I just like short things what can i say!

    Nov 23, 2013 12:21am
    me: >

    Nov 23, 2013 12:23am
    her: Ha ha. I mean guys who know how to turn me on. It's difficult you know.


    Nov 23, 2013 12:33am
    me: Apparently so when you have your current guy go under the bed and then the other guy comes over to your place, it is unimaginable. I can only imagine it happening, it it seems awkward. Oh don't even look at me, i can't even look at you right now. I'm Inspector Clouseau in that regard, i just crash and bump into everything.

    Nov 23, 2013 12:36am
    her: I'm picturing it right now


    Nov 23, 2013 12:46am
    me: Yeah ? And, how is it? Does it feel good? Well GOOD for you! That's how i feel all the time! Except for crying in a corner! When i am so conflicted inside and my feelings are .... just being blown apart by an M-80. ;( I never knew what the M stood for though. lol

    Nov 23, 2013 1:04am
    Um, did you just send me a msg as sexyrocker and your phone number?

    Nov 23, 2013 6:46pm
    her: I don't think so, I was pretty drunk last night

    Nov 24, 2013 2:00am
    me: So was I.

    So this: Let's meet and see one another face to face. Imagine that

    Nov 24, 2013 2:05am
    me: Tomorrow, 4 o clock at the park.

    Nov 29, 2013 7:13pm
    me: You were sexy. I liked you, but you didnt like me. That's ok! Goodbye!

    Nov 29, 2013 8:15pm
    her: it's not that your responses are too artistic for me :-) but you seem like a really interesting guy :-)

    Nov 29, 2013 9:11pm
    me: I'm just like this here. Also i am kind of shy in the beginning which translates to this , plus we were talking rapid fire so i normally dont like to talk so fast but i did not go away from the computer beause i was basically on my bed,but i know what i like and i like you and i think we can do well together, and i dont play stupid games. in person i am pretty boring sounding. although a girl once told me at work that i had a sexy voice. Whatever that meant. Lots of historic leaders were the same.

    Nov 29, 2013 11:20pm
    me: If i saw you in person, i would not be able to leave away from your eyes. Well maybe if i was eating something i'd look at the food too. Because i'm stupid this way, i am a hopeless romantic. my friends keep trying to drag me clubs and bars and , i always just pick one , awwww fugetit.

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    Good work. I used to have the problem you did. Need to calm down on all the banter and do the bare minimum to make her want to meet up. Gave her too much so she lost interest. I've got a whole messaging system. Hit me up if you're interested.

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    Very good till this:
    Nov 23, 2013 – 12:11am
    her: Pants doesn't have a singular form, LOL. I've never watched the TV guide channel so I don't know the words you are talking about.

    After that your kind of repeating the same step over and over and she lost interest. I can tell by her short replies. At this point you should of switched it to attraction then comfort, number close or ask for a meet up.

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    What's wrong with my POF openers

    These are all openers that have nothing, no replies, cold ends; i am trying to not be rated x (because i've been banned a couple times already there), but trying to be not boring, also ending it so she could ask some question, a few have like 1 response but go cold right after because i fuck it up. I did not include just a handful of actual convos. I know they respond more if you critique something of theirs, but i'm not going to play that game because i don't even want to set up a frame of drama bullshit, so i always try to be positive. Only had 1 meet up from the site so far. This is just frustrating, these span a couple months and each one separated by a space. Man… this is exhausting. so here are they verbatim:


    Hey what's going on. Is that a white russian? gawsh thats what i need right NOW.


    Hey what's up. 420 IS a good time if you know what i mean.. You appear creative and artistic -- but i hope you're not too precise with it because that's just not good, i know only too well. I'm also focusing on myself and my path too. Performing is easy, it's the interacting in real life that's complex yak now??

    We gonna meet up or what.

    Hey hows it going? I am happy guy.

    Hey sexcimexi323. So yeah what is going on ? I want to try out what YOURE trying out. I mean casual fun. Lets casual fun it.

    I can definitely cause you excitement, definitely.

    Emilio estevez. the mighty duck man.

    Oh hey how's it going. I don't work out but i can try to lift a little bit in the future. And i have borrowed car because i lost mine sehtsa.asd

    Oh hey how's it going. Your arm looks really rather pretty. You're a night owl but you just left? I'm not a very good pole dancer.

    Oh hey stephi, so hm undergournd thats the ticket. sometimes i get really deep contemplative listening to it. lemme get in that lemme take you out on the sand beach/park/etc.

    hot.yep. confirmed

    Hi. do you know the Runyon canyon park hiking thing? Anyway you're hot.

    Hi, so there was something fascinating about your profile. Also there was this movie, horror flick, that had a red dressed individual female perusing through some italian cities, always off screen.

    Oh hey i used to hit the gym a lot too but , anyway fav pic is the one with your giant pitcher of wine. uhhhhhhhh oh literature, don't get me started on that.

    This one i did get response after a couple tries:
    -Oh hey i used to hit the gym a lot too but , anyway fav pic is the one with your giant pitcher of wine. uhhhhhhhh oh literature, don't get me started on that.
    -WHOA i menat to say "i will say this"
    no wonder you didn't respond to me LOL.
    -lemme get in that, the cigeratte
    -ps i really admire your main photo and your third one.
    -i never smoked but imf willing to smoke up a factory to chill wit u
    her:thats sweet
    -i was gonna delete my prof Ive had it with this place , so stressful, i just to get a bowl
    of cereal then smoke with you.
    -your place or my place or a public place of weed smoking
    -do u like my face
    i changed my mind i am never eever smoking again (unless you really really want me to )
    you're dangerous to me. but … good face.

    I think i saw someone who looked like you especially the eye structure.

    Hi. How is it going

    Why are you here to come back to haunt me?

    Hey… how's it going.

    Hello, how is it going. Drinks are the ticket.

    Let's do it.

    You look AWESOME. That's all i gotta say. Also drinking is ok for a lil bit, as well as the beach.

    Hey so yeah. Videogames

    Hi. You are a hot, and are blonde. and are 40 so everything is real. Very nice.

    Hi you look cute. How is it going? Bye.

    Hey, yuppy? unreal like the 80s yuppie?

    Jackline is a very pretty name. I am 818…
    Btw she818 sounds like the title of some 1950s scifi horror.
    I got nothing. >_>

    Hello

    Hi. I write stuff and get it published, i used to read lots but find that writing is actually night and day compared to just reading. The other side is a slippery slope spiral to fun and chaos the way peeps draw you out, trying to find places without rules. You know what i mean? Cleme? Sounds antebellum your name.

    hey hows it going….lol.

    Hi. Hmmm k.

    Hey how's it going. >
    I fill everyone of your spots with the exception of military, haha forget about that!

    Oh hey how's it going.

    wanna do anal?

    You have excellent legs. Wow. I love those.

    Hi. What did you get your bachelor's degree in?

    Hey, what's going on.

    Hey what's going on. Traveling is good and something i gotta do more as i did before.

    Hey' whats up whats going on.

    Did you know the first metal song was by the Beatles. That and also Ace of Spades are the only two ones i like. Is Queen metal? If so (they rock) d('_')b 

    ….
    .
    .
    …..
    ..


    Hey , what's going on. How did you complete a ba at 21? took me till 26

    ps you look extravagant and unreal to the peaks, the archangels go thru the clouds, the sirens sing harps and the cherubs flutter petals all over me here, and you over there.
    i can dance the night away, but i can't drink cause i will loose myself to a vortex.

    What exactly do you study? Manis and pedis wtf? Clubbing huh

    you're a producer? that sounds impressive i guess. tv

    Hey, whats going on. Who are you, you're awesome. But dangerous to me for the future if we meet.

    Hey you're hot. Let's meet up and make out like a couple of teenagers.

    Hi Romeo #81293 right here. So food good. Fav pic is most likely number 3. IDK why something about it. Anyway, that's all.


    I think we need to get serious now for our relationship. I mean that i'll get you like a ring to wear , but a toy ring. Still better than no ring. is that ok. ok it is. so i'll see… you in a few days? ….
    byyyyyyye

    Hey whats, whats going on. So cool beetlejuice getup on the last pic. London electricity, well thats out of left field.

    Hi agreed on that part.

    Um , hi

    Oh man those Christians again…

    Hey um wow all red clothes. Yep happy previously birthday. My bday and something else nearly important occurred on famous historical assassinations. so my next thing (marriage?) will maybe occur on one too. Like maybe … hmm.

    sup. lets met up for drink nonalcoholic.

    hey sup. nice jugs [no pic prof]

    oh hey wahtsup.

    Sure let's go.

    Yeah. I'm message in you right now because i am interested.

    Hello. Do you have any interests. Besides guys.

    Hey what sup. Wine thats what sup. Fitness,volunteering,healthy hmm seems you are as clear and pure as snow then. Good to have figured you out. I don't like to drink much either because, well i lose myself into a spiral , i want it more and more so i stay calm and carry on.

    Hey, what whats going on. So i like your third pic, and the johnny depp one you did that? friggintastic. He peaked in Ed Wood. Otherwise, PSYCHOLOGY? Oh man sorry not into shrinks. Hmm socializing yeah thats the ticket as you can see, exploring has many meanings to it, and food, definitely i have a few words to say about that, but next time.

    Hey what whats going on. Adventure has a name and it's ..aman-da. Road trips are the best, hippy highs know what i mean. Clearly you don't want kids i'm gathering from your profile, i'm sensing it. Taking chances has many meanings to it. So in conclusion, beach , shopping, traveling, volleyball check check, here ya go teach.
    Sincerely,
    BEST PIC IS DEFINITELY THE ICE CREAM ONE

    other response:
    Hey dash of pretty,
    -whats, whats going on, i
    her:Just watching a movie on netflix. Yourself?
    -I'm also going to watch a movie on youtube. gloomy weather is cool when you're in a happy state.
    her:I want to live in a gloomy weathered state. Gloomy weather makes me happy.
    -wait you mean your state of mind? be happy! well i guess if you lived here your whole life it SOUNDS good… but i'm so happy i live here instead of northeast europe...

    yeah well i went for it whtout thinking about it, but to see you are a scorp. me too. So my tail will sting you before yours mine.

    Hey what whats up. MARRIAGE!? You're 19! Helloooo. Music thats whats up. Singing idk i'm not too into music. Shopping , hiking , BA at 19, well that figures. There is nothing on my profile that shows i'm smart. I made it all up, just thought it up. Fav pics maybe your 2nd to last yo.

    LOL!
    Oh hey what whats going on. So yeah drama is cool, definitely into dramatic acting. And, friends yeah. Yeah we can work out, then come home and work off the extra energy. Um so fav pic is probably the first one because when i saw it i had to click on your profile to see who this was. And so forth. Therefore, yeah the other interests ok, so alas and i bid you adieu

    Hello. How is it going. Comedy is good.

    this one got response:
    -Wow your face is awesome. Ooooh that sucks you're a Scorpio too? I feel sorry for us , the intensity, the jealousy, the paranoia, man.
    her:Haha thanks? Lol
    -Who are you? Wheres Thousand Oaks? Thank goodness you're not freakishly young. Some girl 21 was messaging me and i was like..uhhh hey hah… yeaaaah…
    Seriously 23 is woman.
    -Oh… too many gin fizzes last night. Don't leave me MY LOOOOOVVVVE!

    Hey what whats going on. I noticed your profile, then your face and i thought that seems interesting. So anyway, When did you graduate college, whose your favorite singer, and your favorite color, also do you like planes, trains or automobiles more?
    Thank you for this survey and have a pleasant evening.

    I like butts. Whatsup.

    I am interested. I'd open up … more.

    hey what sup. getting drunk is fun apparently.

    "Blickstein"???? Yeah! Thats whats up…. ???
    Um, HOLY SHNIkes you're second photo. Um best photo is bathroom. So yeah like you…r profile. But i couldn't read thru the dumb stuff cause too many readings on this site already, just a flash and i'm good.
    Cant sleep, can't drink too much -- the vortex of blackhole is what i slink into like a spiral.
    ~ Adio you capricorny mclaren dish !

    other response:
    -TOTAL RECALL [electrobrainwaves swirl around]. I recall you from be fore….. from the pigtails pic and that other one where you kinda just stand around. Anyway your head line is futuristic sounding. What, whats going on. You like to do a lot of stuff, creative. I need some of that because i'm completely drained you know. Speaking of drained i see you taste alcohol, yeah i gotta go easy on that because it's a slippery slope to spiraling chaos when i drink up. So we need to meet, and turn up on a drink nonalcoholic.
    But alas aww i'm just shy of your age range. PS. not too into zombies, i get it the interest, but they do nothing for me. except for 1 movie

    her:What movie? And sorry I can't write too much.
    -its Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!? from 1964 because the zombies were also because instead of chemical based the zombies were voodoo based which is lesser in demand than the latter

  8. #8
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    What's wrong with my POF openers

    Oh, you've already been banned here? Interesting...

    miaddict
    (If you've never failed, you've never lived.)





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    ??? In POF not here. Probably because i had a not care attitude and started saying xxx stuff cause of being fed up.

    Also one responds like a week after the initial post.

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    Fyi, if none of these openers work, the problem is with your profile/photos, not what you say. Work on those first.

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