Date Beautiful Women 4.1
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 17 of 17
Discuss Snake in vagina. at the Off-Topic within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Heard this one? The Lobster Story One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DeLucci ...
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Gender:
    Posts
    21
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Heard this one?
    The Lobster Story

    One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DeLucci of Kittery,
    Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she
    thought she had diarrhea, but when she stood up out of bed,
    she realized that it was urinary pain. It was very similar
    to the feeling of having diarrhea, just out the wrong hole.
    She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina
    erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has
    ever heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few
    minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a
    burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the
    sides of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming
    wildly, and the neighbors called the police. When medics
    arrived they found Ms. DeNucci unconscious lying on the
    floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe.
    Running down her leg, was a stream of brown and green syrup.
    The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed
    her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to
    straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up.
    When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out,
    he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger
    than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her
    genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping
    sound. Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that
    was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of
    mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on
    the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself
    back and forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet
    as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face
    down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so horrific
    that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without
    convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with
    baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a
    furious pace. If you think that is bad - wait until
    you hear how it happened:

    Ms. DeLucci's death was the result of a combination
    of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over
    the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had
    done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her
    head on the toilet and then on the floor.
    It is believed by police that two nights before
    the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a
    fish market. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted
    the creature's tail into her vagina to derive physical
    pleasure. At that point, she held a lighter under the
    creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a
    violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX
    video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table
    in front of the tub. The lobster was found in the
    kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag. Traces
    of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along
    with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between
    the lobsters' tail joints. The lobster's face was
    lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters.
    The lobster's digestive track and colon were found
    to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe
    that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in
    the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly
    boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out
    into Ms.DeLucci's vagina when she was torturing it.
    Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and
    Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her
    period. Doctors believe that at that point of her
    menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance
    to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger
    version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold
    throughout the US. Overnight the eggs had hatched
    and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten
    minutes!!! You can imagine the pain she was in when
    she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over
    1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.



  2. #12
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Gender:
    Location
    Australia
    Age
    27
    Posts
    1,157
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Gender:
    Location
    In a place that the community is ALMOST unheard of :)
    Posts
    527
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    sushi anyone?

    looks like those forensic scientists had a busy day at the office. (it's a textboox case... of course you have to check the surrounding crustaceans for the victim's pubic hairs)
    Caution: The above post may contain ridiculous amounts of sarcasm. The following quote, however, contains none.

    God was showing off when he made me

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Gender:
    Posts
    112
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    urban myth

    I am humbled to admit that the wretched narrative you have just read reminds me of some of my own early efforts at creative writing, for which I was duly ejected from sixth grade. Regrettably, there'll be no trip to the principal's office for this anonymous email author, who requires, at the very least, remedial instruction in human anatomy and biology.
    Could ocean-dwelling "mud shrimp" conceivably incubate and then hatch in a woman's vagina? No, not a chance. Not unless she had ice-cold salt water coursing through her veins. Anyway, lobsters have nothing to do with mud shrimp - they don't eat them, they don't give birth to them, they don't hang out together. The story is completely implausible.

    I have no idea where this silliness originated, but during one five-day period alone I received copies of it from England, Canada, and the U.S.A. It clearly has international appeal. Conceptually, it bears some resemblance to the equally offensive Richard Gere "gerbilling" rumor, complete with the specious implication that inserting unlikely objects into body orifices is a preoccupation of homosexuals alone.

    Although three different renderings of the victim's name, "Susan DeLucci," crop up in the text, it remains reminiscent of the name of a well known U.S. television actress whose fame the author of this piece probably hoped to exploit.

    The story also boasts elements common to most "infestation" legends, for example the recent tale about people ingesting cockroach eggs at Taco Bell restaurants and hatching insects in their mouths. Ugh.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Gender:
    Posts
    112
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    .

    ^^^ I didnt write that BTW, some columnist did. Just saying its all BS.

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Gender:
    Location
    New Zealand
    Age
    29
    Posts
    858
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

  7. #17
    TrueStory's Avatar
    TrueStory is offline TAF Hall of Fame
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Gender:
    Location
    Miami Beach, FL
    Posts
    6,983
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 10 Times in 8 Posts
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by sampanye View Post
    The octopus is a powerful image in Japanese art and pornography. Back in the 13th century it became illegal to create images of actual penetration with a penis, so octopus tentacles became a major part of the culture's art.






    I just had to.
    The ghost of pua's past.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  • Forum Rules



Facebook  Twitter