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Discuss Ego, confidence and humility. at the Off-Topic within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; Ego, confidence and humility. Greetings all. I was thinking the other day about ego, confidence ...
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    Ego, confidence and humility.

    Greetings all.

    I was thinking the other day about ego, confidence and humility - we all know that we need to let go of our ego to become the person we want to become, and this in turn becomes true confidence - ie NOT arrogance.

    First question is thus: how does one really let go of one's ego? Simple question......is there a simple answer?

    But what about humility? Would anybody here have humility down as a worthy trait? What does being humble mean?

    For me, it means recognising, accepting and being thankful to whoever (for me, it'd the Universe in general) for one's skills, talents and gifts and then putting them to one side whilst on the life-long quest for self development/improvement; I suppose in many ways, the opposite of peacocking/showboating. I know I have these talents/skills, yet they don't define me; they are there should I require them and therefore have no need to tell the world that I have them.

    There are a couple of lines from an old '80's song that always springs to mind when I'm underachieving ( "It's so hard to be humble, when you know you're worth more. To live and learn, is all we can hope for"), and this always reminds me that I'm in that particular situation at that particular moment in time to learn, both about myself and life; and knowing that I am looking for a way to better myself, I will find the answer that I'm looking for - and usually some that I was unaware I was seeking.

    So when in these situations, by acting humble with self respect (ie without being weak/unworthy/inferior), I think I learn more from people and situations than by acting overly confident.

    Can anyone relate to this?

    And is it is possible to be truly confidence and excude this in every situation, whilst being humble? And what does being humble to you?

    Cheers


    What comes to you comes from you

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    Quote Originally Posted by unbeli3ver View Post
    First question is thus: how does one really let go of one's ego? Simple question......is there a simple answer?
    I think I can say a little about this because I am about half way through 'A New Earth' the sequel to 'The Power of Now' by Erchart Tolle. This is the main point of the book (at least up to now) is letting go of the 'painbody' (the ego).

    His main point of letting go of the ego is to be aware of when the ego is taking charge of your thoughts and therefore your actions. Awareness is the key, resisting the ego makes it stronger because it will fight to be 'in charge' and won't let go.

    While listening I have since looked back at vaious situations and realised when my ego has been in charge and made me act in certain ways. These actions just was not beneficial to me and just my ego telling me 'things should be this way and if they are not my identity has been attacked' and therefore feeling shit for no reason.

    I seriously suggest you invest in this book especially the audio version, which I have, if you want get a better understanding of the ego you won't regret it.

    I also think this in turn will improve your confidence and therefore your capacity for humility don't you think?

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    "Ego" is a term with so many different definitions at this point, it's basically useless. Just use a different word that more specifically describes what you're trying to say.

    Confidence in terms of performance is a function of competence.

    Humility in terms of external behavior can be useful to display to appeal to certain types of people.

    Internally it's not about deciding to think of yourself this way or that ("I should be humble, I should be XYZ, etc..."), the goal is to evaluate yourself objectively through introspection and come to an accurate overall assessment.

    Incidentally, I stopped after the first 1/3 of "The Power of Now" because I found it to be some pretty mind numbingly stupid bullshit. But, to each their own...

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    The ego is always driven by fear its like a false way to prop ourselves up and is just doing its job to protect us from the fear of not being enough but usually stops us from learning because we block anything that would violate that belief and then reveal to us the painful truth.
    A basic example of the ego working to protect is for example someone who is always dateless or only rarely hooks up but tells his friends and himself that hes probably too good with women now that he intimidates them and that he probably has high standards now when in reality he has no standards but puts standards in advance so high as to protect himself from the deep down belief that hes not enough..
    Id say that the best way to be is present, real and loving but honest with yourself at times and thats how you build a great relationship with yourself and others..

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    Quote Originally Posted by armband View Post
    Incidentally, I stopped after the first 1/3 of "The Power of Now" because I found it to be some pretty mind numbingly stupid bullshit. But, to each their own...
    This is exactly what i mean this is ego at work. You are entitled to not like it but to call it bulshit is the ego saying you know more than an author who is well respected in this community, has sold millions of books and studied this for decades. Mm really? Think about it i'm aware he does ramble on but if you just take the underlying theme it makes hell of a lot of sense.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dangerousD View Post
    This is exactly what i mean this is ego at work. You are entitled to not like it but to call it bulshit is the ego saying you know more than an author who is well respected in this community, has sold millions of books and studied this for decades. Mm really? Think about it i'm aware he does ramble on but if you just take the underlying theme it makes hell of a lot of sense.
    This is exactly what I mean - this is an example of how the word "ego" is so vague and malleable that you can attribute "it" as being responsible for pretty much anything.

    I could just as easily say it's your "ego" at work here causing you to feel the need to defend an author that you identify with (are "attached" to).

    I'm into spiritual stuff, but I'm also a huge pragmatist. His work can basically be reduced to "practice focusing on the sensations of the moment"... which is great and one of many potentially useful techniques for altering your state of consciousness, but it doesn't take a whole book to say and the rest is useless fluff that you can hear ad-nauseum in any of a plethora of New-Agey circles.

    His original contribution of the idea of the "pain body" is particularly ridiculous. I could see it being used as a metaphor (not a particularly accurate or useful one), but to say that it's a thing that LITERALLY exists? Hilarious.

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    hehe one other thing to remember which will keep the ego in us at bay is to remember that EVERYONE SEES THE SAME WORLD DIFFERENTLY and thats o.k!,even puas on the forum have slightly different beliefs,upbringings,experiences,religions,values etc
    EGOs in moderation can provide drive and determination to be beter but their is a type of dangerous ego that is the worst type, namely the narcissist-this is the the out of control ego and it dosent see anyone elses way of seeing things and many cult leaders have this trait.happy sarging

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    Everyone sees the world differently, but that doesn't make all perspectives equally valid.

    Narcissism is an interesting one. However, I think it's entirely possible to think you're the most mind blowingly awesome shit in the history of the Universe while still being able to see things from other people's perspectives and still tempering your self image with honest introspection and objective evaluation of your own performance to keep your feet on the ground. I'm living proof.

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    I am reaaaallllly seeing the irony in this thread but I will reply to your post armband.

    Quote Originally Posted by armband View Post
    I could just as easily say it's your "ego" at work here causing you to feel the need to defend an author that you identify with (are "attached" to).
    Yes you could say this but this would be riduculous why would I defend an author who means nothing to me? Most people would think this, its called common sense.

    Quote Originally Posted by armband View Post
    His original contribution of the idea of the "pain body" is particularly ridiculous. I could see it being used as a metaphor (not a particularly accurate or useful one), but to say that it's a thing that LITERALLY exists? Hilarious.
    It doesn't literally exist in the physical form no, its just a name probably given a different one by many a different author. You ask a person who has traumatisted, a person who was traumatised or abused in childhood, a women who has been raped, a soldier who has been to war and seen his commrades killed and atrosities, someone who has lived through a war and seen their family members killed, ask them if they have a pain inside them that could be as described like this, if they truly admitted it.

    I don't know your story but clearly you do not identify with this and just because you do not, it doesn't mean that it does not exist. Next you are going to tell me you was in the Gulf, my reply will be it doesn't happen to all traumatised people so I will save you the bother.

    I am done with this thread.

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