Some of this is adapted from last week's Love Systems' insider (LSi)...but there was enough good feedback about it that I'm reposting a shorter version of it here (as well as on my blog). To get the full version of articles like this, sign up for the Love Systems' insider (LSi) on the home page www.LoveSystems.com. It's free.
A lot of the time we talk about meeting women in bars and clubs. Those are great places to meet large volumes of beautiful women in one venue. But, Love Systems goes way beyond this. Last Monday morning, for example: 8am. On my way to work. That’s a bit earlier than normal, so I had time. And through the window of a coffee shop on the way, I saw a woman who caught my attention.
My first inclination was not to bother. I have more women in my life than I know what to do with, and I’m really only interested in meeting the best of the best these days. I notice women who are true “10s” in both looks and personality – so it saves me a lot of time not approaching women who aren’t 10s. And this woman, while beautiful, did not look quite like the 10s that populate the clubs I go to. And then I remembered one very obvious thing:
“10s” look like “8s” or “9s” when they wake up.
Anyone who has brought home a beautiful woman and then sees someone who is merely attractive the next morning will know what I’m talking about. And, no, “beautiful” does not mean “beautiful after ten drinks” – we’re talking about legitimate “10s” here. So I decided to approach. First, I bought a coffee. This makes me relevant for the environment. A guy wandering around a coffee shop talking to people and not buying anything is a bum, a loony, or trying to sell you something. A guy wandering a coffee shop with a cup of coffee and talking to people is a customer.
I made sure not to look at her too much when in line. I want to appear spontaneous. I looked for a second and noticed that she was reading the USA Today. That’s all I needed. My book, Magic Bullets, introduced the concept of the Emotional Progression Model. You have to go through the same 7 stages, in order, to develop a sexual or emotional relationship with a woman. The first of these is approaching.
So how to approach? Also from Magic Bullets, there are six basic kinds of openers, for different situations. If you didn’t know this, you can actually download the chapter on openers for no cost on the Magic Bullets page. This was my quick evaluation:
• Functional opener (e.g., “do you have the time?”): Would have been okay in this situation, but I only use functional openers when nothing else fits.Day Game is different from Night Game. At 8:30am on a Monday morning at a quiet coffee shop, I’m not going to be very sexual. I’m not going to run a high-energy opinion opener.
• Opinion opener (e.g., “so I have such-and-such of a situation, what’s your opinion?”): A low-energy opinion opener like “birthday party” (from the Love Systems Routines Manual) could have worked, but I didn’t want to have to use an opinion opener in a not-particularly-social environment.
• Situational opener: Great for Day Game, and what I actually used. See below.
• No opener (just starting straight in mid-conversation): Definitely not. The coffee shop had zero social energy.
• Direct opener (e.g., “You’re cute. I want to get to know you”): Could have worked. But it was so quiet in the coffee shop that she might have felt the awkwardness of everyone else staring and watching such an unusual event taking place.
• Challenging opener (e.g., “So... is there more to you than meets the eye?”): Totally out of place in the situation, for the same reasons as for the direct opener.
If you’re lost, there is a practical description of each kind of opener in the free chapters that you can download from the Magic Bullets page. There are a couple of examples of each kind of opener, but of course it’s the Love Systems Routines Manual that has the exhaustive library of openers (and routines for every phase until seduction) along with when and how to use each one and what to say next. So, I went situational. I casually walked slightly past her table with my coffee and then stopped and looked at her for a moment.
Me: You’re not from LA are you?
Her: No... how did you know?
Me: You don’t tend to see a lot of people in their home towns reading USA Today. It’s kind of a hotel thing. Unless you just really like small words and big pictures.
Her: I’m from New York.
Me: Oh, cool, why are you here? [this is a boring, logical, rapport-seeking question that would not necessarily be ideal at this stage in a nightclub with lots of energy distractions, but worked just fine in this situation]
Her: Shooting a movie... etc., etc., etc.
And then off we went into a normal conversation (which I explain in the LSi, but it's going to make this post insanely long so I'll snip). During this time, I was also doing something that was opposite from what I’d do during nightclub game. I was deliberately being too quiet. This was only partly because we were in a quiet coffee shop, we’d obviously just met, and I didn’t want to draw a lot of attention to us that might have made her feel awkward or embarrassed. The bigger reason was that I was waiting for her to ask me to repeat myself. That gave me an excuse to sit down with her so she could hear me better. Do not do this at clubs. Within another minute, she was asking me what I do for work, where I’ve lived, and so on. She was become attracted.
One of the big reasons I don’t tend to meet women during the day is I’m pretty busy. I used to use that as an excuse not to approach women during the day at all. But then I realized that you don’t have to do Day Game for a long time. I wasn’t going to try to pull her back to my apartment for a quickie. It might have worked, it might not have, but I have things to do today and so does she and I’m far beyond the point of wanting to sleep with every beautiful woman who wants to sleep with me. (The Savoy of a few years ago would have been appalled by this statement.)
The cool thing about Day Game is that it’s like Social Circle Game. Women will always remember you. They are almost always sober when you meet them, they don’t tend to meet a lot of people in the day, so it’s unusual and memorable. You don’t need a lot of time to make an impression. After about 10 minutes of conversation (which included very brief qualification), I started looking for the “hook” that would let us see each other again. I talked about places to go out in Los Angeles, she asked a lot of questions, and I mentioned that some friends and I are going to a special party at a well-known club (sorry, I can’t put the specifics here) on Tuesday. She immediately offered her number. I told her if we go, that she could come along.
And that’s it. There was almost no touching (not appropriate for the time or venue), no high-energy games, no peacocking. She came out the next night, bringing a friend at first, but giving her the signal that she could go home without her after she became comfortable with me and the idea that we were going to have sex that night. I’ve written those kinds of “field reports” dozens of times and I want to keep this article focused around Day Game. The success was due to:
1) I was in position to meet women. I looked good. Some days I leave the house in “whatever” clothes because I’m busy or don’t feel like getting ready or just am not in the mood. Those days are usually missed opportunities to meet women. Always look and feel your best when you leave your house.
2) I had time. If you’re constantly rushing around and late for everything, you’re not going to be able to take advantage of opportunities to meet women on the way. I used to be a terrible offender at this, because I really have a very busy life and am always rushing. But I just got it into my mind to plan to be 15-30 minutes early for stuff. Sometimes all that means is that I’m exactly on time instead of being late. Sometimes it means that I’m early, but so what? It’s not wasted time – with my Blackberry I can make calls, write stuff, do email, just like I can anywhere. And sometimes, like this morning, it gave me a chance to meet someone new.
3) Calibrating the approach for the environment. There’s a reason Magic Bullets has six types of openers, four types of transitions, and seven attraction switches. That’s 168 unique combinations. The Love Systems Routines Manual gives a map of what goes with what and when you want to use different routines.
Now, you’ll also notice that we’re not going on a date. She’s “coming along” to something I am doing with my friends anyway. This is far better. First of all, it’s way more fun for me. Second, it puts her out of “date frame” where she is evaluating me. Instead she is in the “compete for Savoy’s attention” frame, which creates and sustains attraction...