Does Eye Contact Matter?
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- 11-05-2011, 11:12 AM #1
At EVERY mini-seminar, an attendee has asked me about whether or not getting eye contact from a woman before an opener matters. The question basically goes like this each time:
Does Eye Contact Matter?
When a woman is walking toward you, do you make eye contact with her? If so, for how long? Should I look away or should I hold it? If she doesn’t give me eye contact, do I still approach the same or do I change up my approach?
If a woman looks at you, especially if you make eye contact, you better damn well approach her. That’s pretty much the biggest approach invitation you can get at night. Going up to her shows you “get it” and can judge social cues. It’s also her way of subcommunicating that she wants you to talk to her. Don’t think that because you made eye contact you should wait a couple of minutes because she’ll “know something’s up.” You know what’s up? Her wanting you to talk to her.
Go over and use the oldest direct opener in the book: “Hey, you can’t look at me like that and not talk to me. My name’s Rutager.” *Shakes hand. She wants to get called out on it because it puts you in a more attractive social position and she definitely doesn’t want to meet a guy who is coy or afraid to call her out–that would put make you less attractive position. Girls put out signals like this all of the time. They lure guys in, and of the ones ballsy enough to approach, they filter out for the best ones. It’s mating dance 101.
On the other hand, don’t fall into the trap I did when I was just starting to receive eye contact. Many guys learn how to build social proof and get positive attention in a bar, so women start checking them out. (Women have a much wider range of peripheral vision than men. They ARE checking you out. You just don’t know it if you don’t pay attention well enough or never knew to look. You may be shocked.) Once you get a little taste of this and see how easy it is to open, you start looking for eye contact. Don’t get to the point where you need eye contact as permission to approach. If you get it, great. If you don’t, still approach.
I can understand how this could fuck guys up a little more than at night time. It can be awkward when a beautiful woman is coming toward you and you don’t wanna look like a poon hound by staring her down. This is what I tell guys for day game:
If you get eye contact, great. Hold it for a second like you would any other stranger, then look away. If don’t get it, still approach. Eye contact before approaching usually does very little and I don’t put any stock into it. Usually, a woman is preoccupied with other thoughts during the day than “I wonder if some man will sweep me off my feet.”
I really believe eye contact before the opener does nothing much. I don’t look for it.
When you do turn around and follow-up, however, be looking for her eyes. That way she’ll lock with yours when she first turns around. Humans judge emotional cues through eyes first, and she seeing your eyes, unconcealed, let’s her unconsciously thin slice you as “not a threat.” This will make it easier to open.
Once you’re in the conversation, use and break eye contact during your opener as per standard.
Former #1 Instructor, now retired from infield instruction.
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