How to best build confidence/inner game?

[mikey the hat]

Apologies for length of post - skip to bold text at end if you suffer from ADD!

So first up hello, was directed here a few weeks back and figured it was about time I joined in a bit rather than just window shop.

As a short overview I'm a single 29 year old virgin who is fully appreciative of the hard work that is ahead of him, game, gift of the gab, hobbies, fashion... the full works and to be honest getting the girls is only a tiny facet of that improvement, would far rather get to a point where I love being me and know that I am the shit, girls knowing I'm the prize they want to be with will just be an added bonus

The lack of confidence isn't just a girl thing, it covers work, sport, friends, everything. That in turn led me to a gambling addiction for a few years that knocked it down even lower, but I'm a good few months over that now and need to find a more productive way to build up some self belief!!

I'm sure it shouldn't really be that way, I know have a good job, I play/manage a Sunday league football team, I have my health, I'm not exactly a millionaire but I have an ok bank balance and, somehow, a set of really good friends and family around me.

It isn't approach anxiety as such (although of course, like every other AFC this is another issue I do have) - I can get talking but then just basically shoot myself down as fast as possible after that from putting myself down at every opportunity. It's managing expectations in the extreme. Like if I can convince my colleague/friend/opposition/girl that I am the most boring, inadequate, retard around then anything I achieve over and above that will look like a success. I accept that in reality this then makes them think 'well lets not let this bloke do anything for me then' and more often than not just removes my chance to succeed, but it's a loop that for a good 8 years I've just failed to break out of in any way.

In terms of girls this makes my reading of the old magic bullets a little, well, impotent because as much as I can shoot a whiskey to temporarily hide the AA, head in with an opener and buy the interest of females it takes them little time to realise that I think I suck, and then think to themselves 'he must suck'.

And so it makes it easy to work out where I need to start in the road to saying goodbye to AFC-dom!!!

The biggest thing to work on is confidence in myself and it's here I ask your advice. How best can I do this, is there good reading on it, specific activities or ideas for starting to have more belief and self confidence in myself?

Are there any posters that have been at a similar low previously, how did you build the confidence back up?

And thanks for reading, hopefully am well placed on the road to improvement and will steadily be able to post more useful stuff on here in future months

This is the definitive work on pickup and dating theory, written by an acknowledged master of the game - a guy who’s TRAINED many of the new “gurus” on the scene!

[shwnd]

I will try steering you in the right direction by giving you a link.

INNER GAME - The Secret of Attractive Reactiveness

[mikey the hat]

Cheers for the reply dude - I think that may be a bit too far down the game for me at the moment though? I mean, in a sarging situation I figure I can fake/act the necessary to get things going, but in life as well as with girls you need to have a decent love for yourself or you'll be called out soon enough...

Or am I way off track and actually this IS all about faking it until you have success to BUILD the confidence/inner game that truly is the making of you?

Cheers

[Foam101]

Cheers for the reply dude - I think that may be a bit too far down the game for me at the moment though? I mean, in a sarging situation I figure I can fake/act the necessary to get things going, but in life as well as with girls you need to have a decent love for yourself or you'll be called out soon enough...

Or am I way off track and actually this IS all about faking it until you have success to BUILD the confidence/inner game that truly is the making of you?

Cheers

Check out Ross Jeffries motivational tapes. Ive never checked them out myself but Ive heard good things about them. Not sure where you can find them, do a search on here will maybe bring something up. He talks about all sorts of crazy ways to keep yourself motivated and feeling in control and the master of your own reality. Stuff like that, hope it helps.