expert advice needed
Discuss expert advice needed at the Newbie Discussion Forum within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; expert advice needed Okay so we got this new girl at work. She is gorgeous ...
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- 01-07-2009, 03:38 AM #1
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Okay so we got this new girl at work. She is gorgeous and we have very similar lifestyles. It's hard to find quality girls around Fayetteville and if you have ever been here you know what I mean. Not to mention she lives across the hall from me literally 2 feet from my door.
expert advice needed
Unfortunately my best friend got to her first. Who, for the past six months he has been hooking up with every attractive girl we meet and has a new girl every week. he also has a girl back home who thinks one day they're getting married. He's mostly getting by on his good looks and the reason why most of his relationships end is because he ||||s up. He gets jealous, skips comfort, the same old story.
On top of that he has lately been a douche bag of a friend i.e. |||| blocks me every time, calls me his henchman, gets pissed of when I prove him wrong. So after actually meeting this girl and getting to know her I decide to risk our friendship and go after the girl. I didn't like the fact that he was playing her and it compromises my integrity and value to have to lie to every girl he sees and most of them continue to be in our social circle after he taints them.
So I had everything planned out. She mentioned at work that she had never been to the mall. I was going to the mall with my good friend Tara that day to get a new hookah (total chick magnet btw... especially on the beach). I told her she could come with if she promised to to embarrass me in from of my entourage lol.
So she came and we had an awesome time shopping and going out to dinner. This day got her comfortable with me and the whole time Tara was telling her how awesome I was and that my BFF was a dickhead (they went shopping together while I looked for a hookah) The only information that I could gather from Tara is that B told her she is not looking for a relationship.
The next day I had a beerpong and hookah party with all my friends and She came over. She sat down next to me while the others fooled around on my roomate's side of the room. We were on my computer so we myspaced it up and shared some comedy on youtube. Then I shared her some of my favorite art and tattoos that I had planned for the future. (she has 8 of her own I have 4) I showed her pics of my huge family (protector of loved ones) and a video of a magic trick I did with these 2 beautiful girls where I touch one and the other can feel it... (preselection.) The night goes well and at the end she asks me to walk her to work the next day. I then texted her and said that I'm glad I got to know the real her and that she is not just some regular slut that my BFF brings around. She says that she doesn't like how he is pushy and she doesn't need a BF. I told her I just wanted to connect with her on a real level and not just aim for her pants (he fingered her the night they met). She said that she can tell I actually am interested in her and not just trying to sleep with her.
The next day we had plans to chill again, but by this time my BFF had gotten word of this so he made sure he spent the whole night in my room so she wouldn't come over. He just came over unannounced and said "B is busy tonight so I thought we could watch movies"...(duh cuz she was supposed to be busy with me). After he leaves my room he goes over to her room and does his whole insecure jealousy act which ends in her telling him she is no longer interested and me loosing a friend.
So at this point we have connected at a real level. I told her things like how I was moving out and getting a house soon and she begged me not to and if I got a place I would have to let her live with me. I was feeling like if I didn't make a move i would get caught in the friends zone. The next day everyone at work was going to play football and she asked me for a ride. We had to be there at 6 and it's a ten min drive. I told her to be at my place at 5. She said that was too early and I told her "Just do it. Trust me" She agreed to be there at 515 but she would have to crawl into bed with me an nap before we leave. I said fine but don't take advantage of me lol.
So she came over and of course crawled into bed with me. After a lil chit chat I then did Matador's trust test and kiss closed her. Prior to the kiss she was very closed off and had withdrawn body language. After though she seemed to melt right into me. After that we were in the car and she pulled me in to kiss me and was kissing my hand and told me she didn't care what happened cuz she was already having an amazing day. She then got on her phone to tell her best friend that they had to get rid of K... and out of state ex boyfriend who was visiting her at the time. (I hung out with him a few time and we has annoying, insecure, and needy. She told me that she hates him and didn't want him to come in the first place.)
I had to work that weekend but we made plans to hang out during the day. We then made plans later that monday which she flaked out on. Not to mention she wold ignore my text messages. I then aproched her on this and told her that my time was valuable and that there were others who wanted to see me so if she wasn't going to fallow through she needed to let me know. I told here I didn't care if she wanted to hang out with her friends or whatever but just let me know so I can make other plans. She then proceeded to go to her friend's house every evening, she would text less often. She showed no interest in hanging out with me and my friends.
I then made the mistake of accidentally sending her a text that was meant for another friend. (I don't think it's going anywhere with this girl... how are things with Charles?) She then replied saying that no it was not going anywhere... at least for now. She said I was an amazing person and that she would want to be in m life even if I asked her not to. I told her that fine but she can't ask me to just be her friend when I would always want more. I would be lying if I told her I just want to be friends. I told her my attitude around her would never change and I would continue to put moves on her when we were alone and if she couldn't trust herself with me then she should not come around. She said that she didn't want me to change and she loved who I was.
So things were going okay. She continued to come over before work but midway it turned into me going to her room before work. Also, she continued to go to her BFF's house every evening so we had no time to chill. A week went by and she later asked me to Spend the day doing laundry with her and I agreed. The day went great and we had a blaxt. she saw my digital camera laying around and she just started snapping pics left and right. She left to get some stuff from her room and when she cam back I was planning to make a move when she got back. Unfortunately she had to leave just after and it was a NO GO.
Now... a week later we have gotten to the point where she no longer responds to 90% of my text messages. She no longer comes over before work. I was supposed to give her a ride to the airport for her plane home during Christmas, but she asked a female friend from work to do it.
So I think i know what I did wrong but I would like your insight on this
1. did I come across as insecure
2. was is right what I did to my BFF
3. What can I do to fix this situation.
Here are some things I have been thinking about
A. She said she was not looking for a boyfriend. That's fine but I knew she wasn't going to just wake up one day and say "oh I think I want a boyfriend". I was just going to continue on doing what I do and one day she would wake up and say "oh I think I have a boyfriend". She is a young 20yr old girl with a fake ID. She is very into the party scene on the weekends and a boyfriend would hinder that. I'm getting the feeling she just wants to be young, free, and single.
B. Not to sound like a stalker but her myspace says under general that she is head over heals in love with a boy who doesn't understand, so she must have feelings for an ex boyfriend.
Possible solutions I have come up to fix this.
X. Ignore her and bring other women around her and hope she gets jealous. Only she seems like the type of girl who would be happy for me if I was dating other girls.
Y. Become best friends with her best friend. (I did this once and the girl said "look what is your problem he is amazing. If you wont date him I will). I met her a few times and she enjoyed our conversation and my interest in psychology, palm reading, and magic. I told her about a club in a near by city and she seemed interested and wanted to go. However I don't have her number and the only time I see her is when I'm with B. I thought about messaging her on myspace but She is not on my friends list. I tried to add her but I need to know her last name or email to request because of her security settings. The total time I have ever spent with her is about 1 hour, so I could come across as a weirdo cuz she doesn't know me all "that well". The best way would be to chill with her on person but that is a rare occasion.
Thanks for bearing with me and I appreciate all the help.
P.S. I added pics from the laundry get together. Remember all the pics were her Idea, and this is not a one itis. I am currently gaming other girls at the same time and I could do without this girl. However she is the most convenient because she lives across from my dorm room and is just RIGHT THERE. you know what I mean.
- 01-07-2009, 12:24 PM #2
Doesn't sound like she's attracted to you. You're in LJBF zone. Use this girl as a pivot to get other girls. You're asking for grief if you try to pursue a romantic thing with this one.“On the Road of Life, There's Always Another Bus”
- 01-07-2009, 12:35 PM #3
- 01-07-2009, 12:43 PM #4
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I don't think I'm quite in the LJBF Zone cuz last time I checked I don't make out with my other friends.