Discuss Every time I'm successful with women my money goes down the drain. at the Newbie Discussion Forum within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; sdnightfly, thanks for the reply but I just said in the post above you I'm ...
sdnightfly, thanks for the reply but I just said in the post above you I'm not buying her anything, it's a case where we will go out and each pay for our own share of whatever we do together. Problem is it will either be so expensive or numerous I can't afford it.
DeadEyeDick, Thanks for the reply, yes I'm very confused. What I meant was when no women are wanting to do anything with me most of my paychecks just accumulate in the bank and the money grows quickly (as if I already read those financial books you spoke of), but when I'm doing stuff with women I'm always taking money out of the bank, even though I'm spending it on myself (as if I never read any of those financial books). I'm not sure if I'm supposed to learn about this problem in a financial book or perhaps a pua book like Magic Bullets. Thanks for your ideas for me. I plan on reading Magic Bullets.
This field costs money, if your funds are insufficient, consider ways to increase them. And while it may be more challenging to find ways to budget in this field, it's possible. Day game doesn't cost a dime. The only necessary expense of night game is cover charges. Day 2's can be picnics in the park.
The point I'm trying to make is that if you're having problems, then find solutions.
Also, to clear things up for you-
Being friend zoned means you want to do her, and she thinks of you as just a friend.
Being friends with a girl means you don't want to do her... and her feelings toward you don't change anything, no matter what they are.
As far as I'm concerned, every girl is attracted to me. It's my job to make her realize that.
It came across that you would split on dinners and the weekly date activities, but you were paying for the kayaks, tubes, and all the other stuff that you felt were expensive hobbies. As was posted earlier, a lot of what you wrote was ambiguous and unclear.
It is dangerous for you to be with someone that you financially have a hard time keeping up with and not saying no, or taking time to save up for it. This is no different than someone who makes very little hanging out with people who make a lot more and where money isn't an issue for them.
You already know she's going to be owing over 10K (if she's making minimum payments on her credit cards) and is going to keep owing and paying. She's not unique to it, and it can cause conflicts. Maybe it's how she was brought up, maybe her mom is the same way and she just learned that way.
Put yourself on a fixed income regardless of what you make, a fixed amount of money you feel comfortable spending on, and stick to it. You don't have to justify where the money is going because you're just friends, and telling her "no" for any reason you feel strongly about might upset her but you also don't want to stress out every time you're getting together, wondering "what now?"
I also think that it's a challenge for you to be able to be entertaining without having to withdraw money from the ATM. Your job might not be in trouble, but assume you lost your job tomorrow, and had enough to live on for 6 months, but knew that there were going to be limitations. Could you still go out with her and have fun, having financial restrictions? And assume you married her, is she going to leave you if you did wind up losing your job?
There's always ways to cut back. If you're a social drinker, stock up more at home, have some frozen appetizers or some light snacks at your place, then head out. That's easily 30 dollars saved right there. If you're into fine wines, what you buy at home is going to be better than what you'll get at a restaurant, and can just bring all that stuff to the local park or someplace scenic (although you might have to be discreet with the bottle). Going to places before cover charges kick in, coupons (without being obvious), planning ahead to spend money vs impulse spending that you're not prepared for.
I also highly recommend writing what you're spending down as you go and keeping track. Being that she has money issues, I wouldn't care if I did it in front of her. It makes her a little bit self-conscious, and if she says anything about it, don't let it bother you.
It would be interesting if you wrote about a typical date night and what is costing you more than you feel comfortable with. I don't know how many personal finance books deal with dating, but they usually mention eating out as a huge expense that you should find ways to cut back on.
Health and Wealth are equally important. Make sure you're fine on both.
I read this online, you might get a kick out of it -
How I Failed the Champagne Girl Dating Test - Personal Finance Advice
Originally Posted by davidj425
Is it dlv to say you don't have enough money to go out?
I'm sure it would be dlv if you spent all your money doing everything a girl wants because that would mean your being walked on right? But let's say a girl wants me to buy a list of new camping equipment for an upcoming camping trip. I already have everything on the list but she points at each piece and says "not good enough" or "not stylin enough, don't you want something with more style than that?".
What do I say to that?. I mean I could buy this stuff but I would be spending money at a rate I'm not comfortable with. Should I tell her I can't afford it or am I better off saying something like "I'm too lazy to drive around to all these places to buy all this stuff"?
Who the hell is she to tell you to buy all-new gear when you already have all your stuff? Just tell her it's a waste of money, and the "stylishness" of your gear doesn't affect your camping ability. I have a feeling you've written about this chick before... just keep your backbone and don't let her tell you what to do.
I feel like this is groundhog day -- is there advice that you got on the other thread that you feel DOESN'T apply to this situaiton?
C'mon dude ...
I've combined your two threads .... Show us that it's not a waste of time to respond?
Last edited by DeadEyeDick; 09-01-2008 at 05:33 PM.