Relationship Psychology (emotions r confusing)

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    Relationship Psychology (emotions r confusing)

    This post is about relationship psychology, not pickup.

    I started out looking for some sort of relationship psychologist to tell me what the fuck my problem is, but I ended up here. I figure u guys prolly know relationship psychology better than anybody, so let me lay it out for you and pray some of you read through it all or at least skim it

    What's Going On

    I'm spending a lot of time with this one girl and no other girls (maybe this is the root of my problem?). It is understood that we are just dating and can date others. I am trying to remain emotionally detached, but I'm struggling with it (see history). How can I stay detached when we are making out and dry humping each other all the time?

    The Incident

    She went to a country concert with some friends (which is fine, I hate country and she can do what she wants). But then she has to tell me all about it without me asking . She had 6 beers over a short time during the tailgate party. She has to hang on some cowboy hat wearing guy "friend" of hers because shes so drunk. She even fell off somethin and got a scrape on her back. What are these emotions I'm feeling? Protector of loved ones? Jealousy? Now I sort of wish I had been there. Am I possessive? How do I get past these feelings that I don't like?

    As if that wasn't enough, she says "i forgot how funny Anchorman was." WTF? Then she explains, "oh we went back to [dudes] place to watch a movie." But dammit, she and I almost always start a movie before we make out. Is she trying to tell me that she might have made out with this guy? Why do I feel like she's a whore now? She is incredibly naive as well. She probably doesn't even realize she is telling me shit I don't want to hear. If I stay emotionally detached I feel like a man whore. If she is emotionally detached, is she a whore?

    We chatted on internet the night she told me all this. I was just a little angry and talking shit, but nothing specific. I prolly confused her more than anything and offended her a little too.

    History

    She was a geek in HS, but is now a HB in college. She is still geek on the inside and sometimes kinda weird. She dresses a bit like a whore sometimes and is a bit of a cock tease. She is a catholic virgin, but is recently very horny.

    We were a couple for a few months but she was too immature and not fully transitioned into her upper HB status, and I cant stay with here waiting and expecting her to change, so I had to break it off.

    After a year or two, and a little beer, she's flirting with me again and we get back together. Again as a couple. This time she's matured a bit and we start saying "I love you", but I say it too much and she gets freaked out and she wants to date other people and she breaks up with me this time. I'm devastated for a while.

    A lot of time passes again. I study pickup. I date some girls. I put a photo of me and another HB on myspace. It drives her crazy. We talk again, we go out. I go kino and kiss her early. Everything is kept fun and light. We are not defined as a couple this time. Everything seems good until this incident. Now I feel like things might be going to shit again.

    So, am I maybe spending too much time with this chick? Should I try to date others? Am I just fucked up emotionally? Is she fucked up? It's not like me and this chick were made for each other. We are opposites on a lot of things. Someone please help me analyze my emotions.

    Edit: I have heard the phrase, "Sex complicates things," and I'm sure that is due to the emotions attached to sex. But I think maybe extreme physical closeness complicates things as well because it generates those same emotions. It's basically simulated sex.
    Last edited by Synonym; 07-13-2008 at 03:39 PM.



  2. #2
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    search one-itis.
    find some more girl friends.

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    before u can be in relationship u need to do sex with her,after that u see the diffrent and u can choose where to the relationship will advance

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    While I still don't really understand the psychology of jealousy, I did find a lot of information from searching for the terms "oneitis" and "Jealous".

    It seams a lot of jealousy comes from not respecting the other persons feelings. If she's being disrespectful by flirting with other guys and telling me about it and even asking me to look at photos of it, then I need to set boundaries to let her know thats not alright with me. I don't want to hear about that shit. Maybe I'll punish her with a freeze out. After all, I am the prize here.

    But if they are truly just friends, should I be jealous that she's drunk and hanging on him? Would I care if I had more girl friends?

    I might also try mirroring what she's doing so she gets a taste of how it feels, and so I can date more women... which I assume will make me feel less jealous.

  6. #6
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    LittlbigD is offline Certified Live Training Graduate Lounge Member
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    the person most willing to walk away has all of the power in the relationship. Keep your options open. Dont beat yourself up for feeling jealous - it is natural with a girl you like and when coming from a frame of scarcity.
    for more detailed or personalized advice contact jeremy@lovesystems.com to arrange 1:1 and phone consuls with me. I prefer helping the individual for best results. The community helped change my life so I know it will change yours. Stop making excuses about why you cant/dont need help and instead decide that you will do whatever it takes to learn how to become good with women.

    LBD (aka Little Big Dick)

    Specializing in military/LEO, MLTR and LTR's, short man's game, inner game,applying seduction for the 30 y/o+

    Current Location: Back in Iraq. I can still do phone and messnger consuls and online profile help. See you guys when I get back!

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    Quote Originally Posted by LittlbigD View Post
    the person most willing to walk away has all of the power in the relationship. Keep your options open. Dont beat yourself up for feeling jealous - it is natural with a girl you like and when coming from a frame of scarcity.
    Thanks man, I really appreciate your post. I'm already feeling better. I just need to come from a frame of plenty.

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