"You've changed" - What do I say?

[DaemonOfDiscord]

A couple of months ago, I was one of those extremely introverted people. The follower, the guy who only stuck with his closer friends, the guy with no chance with women.

So this year when I started the new semester I was completely different. The leader, the guy who was with anyone, whether it be a close friend or a total stranger, the guy that can easily get a girl(Okay, so maybe not easily, but you get the point)

() = description on tone of voice
[] = optional


So, this year, many of the girls I knew from before commented on the new me and I'd usually get some awkward feeling and just attempt some CnF.

HB: You've changed alot.
Daemon: So? You seem to like the new me a lot more. [ ... Umm. You could stop drooling now.]

HB: You've changed. You're like a completely different person.
Daemon: You, too! I couldn't recognize you with that messed up hair and that boob job.

HB: Is that you, Daemon? I couldn't recognize you.
Daemon: (Like some gay guy) REeeeALLY?!?!!! I'm like sooo like glad that you like totally like noticed my hair cut.


So my question to guys would be what is a better way to handle these situations?

[jdaman]

If it was me, I would probably have said something like:
"Thanks... I'm glad you like it"


I think you handled it pretty well, I especially like the gay one hahaha. It shows you have a fun side. Anyway, I think the important thing is that you didn't get all weirded out about it. What kind of reactions did you get from each response?

[Paladin]

Ya. Don't stress about it. These girls are all IOIing you! Just see it that way. They are saying I used to not be attracted to you, but now I am. Just progress from there brova. Congrats on the growth!

[sheriff]

"I had some family issues I had to look after last year. It's nice to be able to be myself again!"

[DaemonOfDiscord]

Thanks for your responses.

jdaman, I think I was so out of it that I couldn't think that straightforward. Thanks for the compliment!
For the first one which I used twice, it continued like this:

HB: Nope. I honestly can't tell whether or not I like it better. I'm gonna have to talk to you some more.
Daemon: Sorry, looks like you already got your daily dose of me. I'm out.

This is the first one with the drooling part included.
HB: Huh? Drooling? I'm not drooling!
Daemon: *Stare for like 10 seconds with a confused look*
HB What?
Daemon: Why's your face turning red? Ate something spicy? (Her face wasn't red btw.)
HB: Huh? *Turns around trying to hide her face in embarrassment and starts feeling her face for some reason* (Funny thing is, after I told her that, her face started to turn red and I couldn't hold in my laugh)
Daemon: *Giggle giggle*
HB: Huh? Why you! You made that all up, didn't you!
Daemon: What? *Giggle*What are you talking about? * Giggle* Ask anyone, your face is all *Giggle* red.
HB: *Stops random guy walking our way* Is my face red?
Guy: Yeah, it is. It's really red.
HB: *Shocked*
HB: *Walks away embarrassed*

For the second one, note that it was a tomboy.
HB: Boob job? I am so gonna kick your ass!
Daemon: My bad, my bad!(With hands up) No boob job. Boob jobs make boobs bigger not smaller.
HB: Well, anyway, what .... *Notices the joke, looks down and tries to figure it out*
HB: *raises head* Why you! ... Huh, where'd he go?


For the third one, unfortunately the girl was having her moment and it didn't work out:
HB: *Leans in* Huh? You got a hair cut, too? (As in seriously, not jokingly - Don't misunderstand her though, she's quite smart, just having her moment)
Daemon: Alright, I'm leavin.



Paladin, I like the way you think. It's perfect! If only I could of thought like that during the situations. And thanks for the compliment. I could now officially say that procrastinating and avoiding school work made me a better person.

sheriff , that was a very interesting idea. The part about being myself again was an amazing twist. It totally would've taken a lot of the stress off and given me something to talk about.

[sheriff]

Hey man, quick thought:

A lot of what you're writing above ... it sounds like you're moving further away from, rather than closer to getting with each of these girls.

I remember when I first started going out, I'd just finished reading Double Your Dating, and I'd gotten it in to my head that pickup went something like this:

- Say funny but mean things to a girl
- Repeat
- Girl says "Let's go to my room and have sex"

My wing and I went out and practiced this all the time, and, unfortunately, got some occasional results from it. The Pickup Scientist inside me said "it works, you just have to be EVEN MEANER and EVEN FUNNIER".

Guys who are a little more experienced will probably recognise this situation - it's not where you wanna be at all! You've got to move through the stages of the Emotional Progression Model in a forward direction - you don't have to get a 'perfect score' on each level here...

"HB: Nope. I honestly can't tell whether or not I like it better. I'm gonna have to talk to you some more." -- sounds (from a distance!) like a fairly decent IOI

"HB: Huh? Why you! You made that all up, didn't you!" -- decent IOIs at this point

In both cases you've got IOIs ... and then you or her leaves! DOH. Start to give her small IOIs back at this point - like, ask her a chode question about herself. REWARD her for her IOIs.

Here's something I wrote forever ago, when I realised I was doing EXACTLY what you seem to be doing now:

Last night I went out to one of my favourite clubs - I wasn't out to pick-up, I was out to dance and listen to the music. I was dancing, and this incredibly attractive girl keeps making eye contact with me. I decide to 'play it cool', and keep dancing. After about five minutes, she comes up to me, and dances at me. I decide to keep playing it cool, and basically ignore her. After five minutes, she moves on and dances with someone else, but I'm left feeling great because I rejected her, showing I have high value.

Luckily, that isn't what actually happened: the hero of the story (that'd be me) did get the girl.

But it was going to, until a little alarm bell went off in my head that said "What the fuck are you doing?" And I realised that this is not the first time that I've blatantly ignored very heavy IOIs, and backwards rationalized it as me playing 'hard to get'. I believe that the real cause is rejection fear if I respond to the girl, which is retarded.

I don't really have anything else to add, just that I'm sure that because *I've* done this, so have other people. And that it's taken me this long to realise that I'm doing it is quite sad, and a little worrying. One of the best tips I've had from David DeAngelo's "Interviews with Dating Gurus" was from 'Doc', who basically said "approach attractive girls who give you IOIs" rather than just randomly appraoching. Sounds obvious, but I needed to hear that articulated to realise I wasn't doing that.

If you find yourself ignoring strong IOIs from a girl that you find very attractive, take a step back and make sure that "Your so-called reason is not just a [cowardly] excuse!"

[Sparkers]

I completely agree with what you have said Sheriff , and its a good point that a lot of guys really need to understand!

But I think the OP was just being playful with girls that he is mates with? Well that is how I percieved the situation anyhow.

[DaemonOfDiscord]

Ooooh. There it is! I knew there was something wrong. So, basically, what you're telling me is that what I'm having problems with is the close rather than the response to the "You've Changed" statement, right?

Hmm. So for the first one(I actually really had to leave), should I have #closed her with something like, idk, "Sorry, looks like you already got your daily dose of me. I got to go. I'll talk to later but if you really wanna overdose on me, I guess we can exchange numbers." Yeah, I know it sounds stupid. Just wanted to expand on the close.

For the second one, she came back later after taking a couple of deep breathes or something. I already moved on to talking with others by then and she just, I guess, joined the convo, tho, she fumbled her words a lot whenever she talked with me 1-on-1 (I think that's bad in a way). Should I have said something to make her stay(Honestly, I have no idea what could have made her stay, she was embarrassed as hell) or have just avoided the whole thing completely?

[jdaman]

sheriff , nice comment on the IOI's. That is something I am relatively new to, and I know for a fact that I've blown some chances by failing to recognize what you just mentioned. Thanks for bringing it up!

[mindquicken]

"you've changed" is an IOI in my experience. that means they are feeling a new vibe from you and they like it.