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I've been reading around here for the last year ...
Getting back with ex-girlfriend
I've been reading around here for the last year or so, only just decided to create an account.
Okay, well my ex broke up with me about a week ago. We were together for about a year and a half. I've thought about it a lot, and tried to keep emotions out of it as much as possible, and I really do want her back. She's a great girl. I don't need her in any way, I'm not relying on her for anything. I just want her back.
Embarrassingly enough, I've done the whole "i love you so much, you mean so much to me" and indirectly begged her to get back with me. As much as I know it's against what the community would say to do, I just felt like I had to say it and get it off my chest. I'm hoping this wouldn't have ruined my chances with her too much.
Basically she just told me that she still loves me, but it just doesn't feel like it used to. We've still been hanging out and having sex since we broke up. This wouldn't help at all with me getting over her, but that isn't what I want to do.
From what I can see most of the Mystery Method I already use with her. MM doesn't touch on relationships or anything of this sort much. I'm completely clueless on how to go about this.
What would you suggest? And please don't say, "just move on, go f--k ten other women". Like I said, I've thought about this a lot and I really do want her back.
Experience IS Game. You'll never be any better at relationships than you are now with experiencing more relationship. You owe it to yourself, and future girlfriends to get out and build that body of experience. Every relationship will be better. Your life will be enriched by more diverse girls, by more new experiences, and by learning how to improve ALL relationships in your life.
Originally Posted by horton
So yeah. I'm telling you to leave her. Go date other girls.
Because I sounded like you when I joined this community during a break-up. And two years later I'm telling you to move on. Let her go.
Assuming you're not a kidney harvester, we can chat in the car. - Cedar
The problem with what you're saying, Cedar, is that in this situation he clearly does not want to learn game.
Listen to your heart man. Don't listen to other "PUAs." because all they're going to say is "leave her." without giving your situation any respect or consideration. If your heart says you want to be with her, then by all means be with her and love her. It is very important, however to not confuse what your heart is telling you and what your head is telling you. If you have simply become dependant on her and gotten used to having sex with her all the time, that's not love. Now, if you love her its important to not let begging get in the way. It's important to be assertive and say, "Look. I want you back and I am confident that we can be very happy together. But your indecisiveness is hurtful to me. So please, decide now because otherwise I need to move on." Obviously you want to say this in your own words, but you've got to say it and there is a chance that she might just say "thanks but no thanks." And if so, you're going to have to deal with that and get over her. That means no more dates, phone calls, sexy time with her, because that will ruin you and hurt you. This is when you need to date other girls.
A friend of mine gave me this system in another forum and it was very helpful to me,
A balance must be sought between the opposing forces of comfort and attraction.
Too much attraction and not enough comfort can lead to:
• A lack of trust.
• Insecurity on your partner’s part.
• Anger at a lack of commitment
• Neediness on your partners part
• Constant nagging
• The beginnings of hatred
Swing the scales the other way in that there is too much comfort(This is where you are) and not enough attraction. This can lead to:
• Poor sex life
• A dull relationship
• They may cheat on you
• A lack of enjoyment in each other’s company
• The loss of the preverbal spark.
• Wondering if ‘the grass is greener on the other side’
Ways of addressing a relationship with too much Comfort(this is what you need to do)
• Not being attached at the hip hobbies you keep completely separate from each other.
• Being away for short periods on a regular basis (absence makes the heart grow fonder)
• Not being needy on your partners approval but respecting her opinion (don’t be afraid to tell her she is wrong but likewise don’t be ashamed to admit when she is right)
• Having a social circle that your partner is not a part of.
Ways of addressing a relationship with too much Attraction
• Having shared hobbies
• Spending more time with them
• Asking what your partner thinks and encouraging them to take the lead in the relationship.
• Have each other’s friends being important parts of each other’s lives i.e. your social circle is hers and vice versa.
Good luck friend. If it can be done I'm sure you'll pull it off.
Thanks for understanding what I was saying The Fortunate. Cedar your post is appreciated aswell
We have had a talk about getting back together. And shes said that she doesn't want to because there just isn't that spark there anymore that there used to be. And when she thinks about being with me, she thinks it will be great, but it ends up not being so. I think this is just from us being so familiar with each other. Though I'm not sure what to do about this?
From what you wrote about having a balance between comfort and attraction, this is a sign of not enough attraction. I'm not sure about that though.
She's coming over tomorrow. I feel this would be one of the last chances I have of starting something up again.
Note: I'm in no way completely AFC over this girl. I love her, yeah. But if I realise it's hopeless and I need to move on, I will. She's great and I want to do what I can to get back together with her.
Why is she coming over tomorrow? Just to chill? A bootycall? If it's really not that great being with you, why does she keep coming back? If shat she is saying is true, which it isn't, then:
1) She doesn't want to be with you anymore
2) But, she still enjoys being with you, as she keeps hanging out with you.
Now, if she didn't want to be with you chances are she wouldn't use you for sex after making that known. It sounds like you guys still hang out, and do things other than shag and if she really wanted something else she would be out looking for it. She wants a REASON to get back together with you. She wants to see that you CAN spice up her life like you used to. You need to make her know that you can handle it.
Hope that helps. Be confident and be cool and be ready to lose her. That will bring you strength. Good luck.
Well I think I've lost her. I walked out of class yesterday and seen her kissing another guy. It's horrible. I walked past him and had to use all my power to not touch him.
I feel like absolute crap right now. I think I've been relying on her as someone to talk to, hang out with when I have nothing to do. Just realising that I don't have her anymore is crap.
It seems hopeless and like I'll never be that way with someone again. Which I know isn't true. I know I need to move on but I can't stop thinking about it.
This is what I'm going to do, and I know it's going to be extremely fucking hard.
* Cut off all communication with her
* Go out and sarge, and get the social skills that I want
* Start working out, and work on myself
Screw everything else. I can't let her make me feel like this anymore. I think this will be best for both getting her back (if I ever choose to), and making my life good.
I know what you mean man. Break ups are hard. The only way I got over break ups was to go to another girl. So I never developed a proper way to get over them. Having said that, my girlfriend and I recently broke up.
We hang out, and she sincerely wants to be friends. I've been her best friend for some time now, but she can't let me out of her life completely. We talked about it a few days ago and she does not want to get back together at all, but she wants my company and friendship.
I don't know if I should just let her go and stop talking to her. She's headstrong and I don't think we'll ever get back together. She's made me lose hope.
She really takes our fights and arguments to heart, and does not want to go through it again.
After the honeymoon stage, our relationship became dull and boring.
For these reasons, she does not want to get back together.
Horton, just know that other guys are there with you.
when I had my one-itis stage I looked at ladderwiki and the theory of NEXTing, I found it prety useful actually.
Originally Posted by horton
This is a great way to get over a girl. I also start working out, cutting all the communication and hanging (even more) out with friends once I ended a long-term relationship. Look for as much as distraction as possible and you'll be over it in no time!
There are more girls on this planet. I hope you'll get over it soon!
I'm that quiet dude...
The Fortunate....those were great posts....at the beginning there....classic