Discuss How do I Proceed here? at the Newbie Discussion Forum within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; How do I Proceed here?
Hello all, I'm obviously new here And would like to ...
How do I Proceed here?
Hello all, I'm obviously new here And would like to preface my question and situation with a greeting. I'm looking forward to being a part of this community.
Here's my situation, I'm hoping to get some insight into how to proceed with this girl.
Background: I met her through a friend who she was working for. I was dating someone at the time we met. My relationship with other girl ended. I waited about a 1.5 months & then contacted new girl. I got new girl's # in a couple of messages and we set up plans to hang out at my house and listen to music. we did this twice in two consecutive weeks. Definitely attraction there but no kiss yet.
We end up hanging out a 3rd time and going canoeing & swimming. She prefaces the hang out with the fact that she is grumpy from PMS. The hangout goes well & there is little to no sign of said PMS. Lots of laughing and flirting & tension. Definitely still attraction but once canoe is unloaded she gives me a hug & says goodbye.
I'm not sure what to think at this point (I feel as though I haven't escalated quickly enough) so I lay back for a few days and decide to write a totally benign text which references something we both like. me:"Mmmm, Pistachios for dinner" Her: "Seriously Jealous, wanna hang out soon?" Me: "Roommate & I are going out for drinks on friday, care to join us?" her: "Sure" (I found this to be a little short so I was waiting to text back & she sends another text) Her: "I look forward to it" Me: "I'll give you a call on friday then."
I call her & pick her up and we go out for dinner & drinks. We have a really good time. Her body language keeps switching from receptive to closed & back again. At one point she starts twirling her hair & she says "I probably should be twirling my hair". I take this as she's interested but is very guarded because of all the attention she gets from men is is apprehensive about projecting interest for some reason & is trying to catch herself. IDK.
We eventually leave & I give her a ride home. I ask if she has any beer says yes so I go into her house for a beer and we get comfortable on her couch and she has me choose a movie and so in goes Caddy Shack. We're drinking and talking & I'm looking for my opening to kiss her and she puts her head on my shoulder then we start making more & more physical contact but no kissing yet. She eventually has her feet up on my and I'm mildly massaging her feet & then her head is on my chest and I'm lightly running my fingers up and down her arms and the side of her thigh. Needless to say this made it difficult to go in for the kiss.
We eventually get up and are both petting her dog. She stands up and goes over to her bed & had be showing signs of fading a bit (she got up for work @ 6 am & it was 1am). I stayed petting her dog for a moment and she says "so are you staying or are you going?". This is obviously my opportunity so I stand up without answering her & walk over to her slowly and grab her and kiss her. She pauses for a moment and says "I guess that's your answer" & i just smile and we continue kissing. I felt like it was a good move to answer her question with action. We make out for 10 minutes or so and she seems to be really into it. I suggest that we sit down & we part for a moment. I then go downstairs to get us a glass of water. Upon returning I notice her standing 5-6 feet away from me with her arms crossed looking pensive. She looks up at me says "I'm not looking to get hot & heavy tonight" and pauses and looks away then looks back and asks "were you?". I have been very calm collected and confident throughout this entire night and was even still. I the replied "I wouldn't say no but not necessarily" or something to that effect. I know this is where I fucked up. I feel as though I should have said "me either" and the walked over and tried to comfort her and begin kissing her again. I mean in so many words ASKED me to spend the night.
After this she stood there awkwardly for a moment or two & I felt like I should leave as it was her space and I didn't want to be invasive or threatening. I then said "I'll get out of your hair". I said this in a lighthearted joking tone, Implying that some other night we'd likely be sharing a bed.
We then grabbed our bottles and walked downstairs. I walk up beside her where she was standing near the sink. I moved in close and we kissed a couple more times. I did this see if she was still receptive and low and behold she was. We kissed for a few seconds and the I said "you can have your bed to yourself tonight" in a flirtatious tone implying that some other night we'd likely be sharing a bed. She then asked if I'd be able see on my way out of her dark driveway & I said I'd be fine said goodbye & turned and walked out.
I felt like a total idiot for letting the night end like it did & in hindsight would have done so many things different. I thought that I must have spooked her somehow and now she was totally uncomfortable with me and that I'd likely not hear from her again. I assumed she'd go dark & not answer any of my attempts to communicate.
The next afternoon around 3 I decided I was going to test the waters & send her a text. This is where I really need some help in deciphering what is going on. here is all of our text correspondences from that point up until yesterday.
me: I had a good time last night.
3 hours later
Her: Me too. Thanks for taking me out
I waited a day & texted her on Monday
Me: Hey ****, beer & ping pong sometime this week? I'll go easy on you
no answer so I thought I'd send her another message
5:55 the same day
me: Even better, a motorcycle ride & a swim? (she & I are both motorcycle enthusiasts)
Her: Hey ****! All sounds super fun. I have a really busy week but wed might work. I'll let you know
I didn't send anything back as I didn't feel that I needed to.
fast forward to wed morning & I get this message
Her: I can't swing it this week. Prepping for a motorcycle trip this weekend. Sorry ****, Have a great day
Me: No big Deal. Have fun on your trip.
at this point I figured now she must be going dark & is trying to let me down easy & is just being friendly. I pretty much didn't expect to hear from her again.
Her: Thanks, perhaps next week
I was kind of taken aback by this as I was assuming that she had most likely lost attraction and wasn't interested in hanging out again. The one thing I don't like about it is that she didn't phrase it as a question but I'll take it as a "good" sign at this point.
Me: Sounds good. Let's stay in touch.
That is our last text and bring us up to date.
Maybe she still wants to hang out but is actually super busy this week? I mean I'm sure prepping for a motocycle trip takes at least some planning but that much? IDK? I was feeling the blowoff vibe so why even propose the idea that are going to hang out again? I would have left it at that and moved on if I wasn't interested.
If you got this far let me know what you think? I'd love to hear what your constructive criticisms are. What did I do right (if anything haha) & what did I do wrong? Is this salvageable? What's my next move, let her contact me?
Good move on how you landed the kiss, you could have landed it on the couch though.
Why did you leave to get water when it was going so well ? She had time to herself to think and slide into her own push pull play.
When you were kissing after that and she asked if you would be able to see in the drive way I think she was pulling to give you an opportunity to stay. You could have said something like "well it is dark out there and if I fall and break my neck I'm coming back to haunt you!" gauge her reaction after that.
The whole being busy thing....not enough info to make an informed decision in my opinion. Do yous have anything in common other than bikes you can talk about ?
From what you have said the only thing I can pick up on is the dog ? Maybe try a teasing line like I know your busy but I'm missing the dog, when we taking it for a walk ? It's a bit of a long shot but depending on how you games her you might pull it off by teasing further with "she totally enjoyed me petting her over you, I fell bad for the dog, I bet she's missing me".
What did I do wrong? Salvageable?
I can't remember exactly why/how we ended up not kissing anymore, I think it could have been because we were standing and it got a little awkward after 10 minutes or so.
Originally Posted by Guaar
The breaking my neck in the driveway would have been a good one! haha I like that that. Hindsight is always 20/20. I guess that's why I'm here haha, re-evaluate and learn!
We actually have a lot in common. I build motorcycles and ride & she was apprenticing for a motorcycle builder I know. We are also both musicians, artists & writers. She is going back to college for writing and I should have a minor in writing if not for missing 1 class before graduating. We're both songwriters & listen to a lot of the same music. She's sounds "masculine" but she's probably a 9-10 and is willing to get dirty work with her hands & that's something I admire & in all actuality she's really effeminate oddly enough.
The dog actually does like me (I think?). The was a couple of times where she was saying things like "he never does this with anyone" & other comments about how he's generally really shy.
So You're saying I should contact her? I feel as though I should wait until after she's come back from her trip at least & maybe give her a day to decompress before I start in on her again haha. Ideally I'd like for her to be the one to contact me. I don't want it to seem like the TOO much pursuit happening like I don't have any other options and all my attention is on her but What do I know other than I haven't slept with her yet and she's being really aloof.
Let her get her trip out of the way, then see if she contacts you for a day or two, from what you have said it seems like you have plenty of options to talk to her about from the things you's have in common so I wish you the best of luck
Dude, are you serious? I didn't even read after this line.
Originally Posted by gmoore
A girl has her head on your shoulder and you are running your fingers up and down her arm, and that makes it Difficult to kiss??? Geeze, she is practically telling you to go for it. Here is what you do man, don't say a word, just grab her face and gently turn it towards you and kiss her. It's that simple.
haha, I know I know. I'm an asshole.
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