Discuss A few years later at the Newbie Discussion Forum within the The Attraction Forums. Dating Advice.; A few years later
Hello to anyone reading, I (like many others) read " the ...
A few years later
Hello to anyone reading, I (like many others) read "the game" back in 2005 and it opened up a new world for me, both in good ways and in less good ways. The first year after reading it I tried some routines and so on but I guess I was afraid what others would think of me if I changed, so I did the probably dumbest things of all, I started to listen to audiobooks and reading more and more material without actually having the guts to act on it. So now I knew lots and lots of things (or at least thought I knew) but I got stuck in an observing role in between beeing my old self and actually trying to become the man I wanted to be.
So why am I writing this? Well I'm sick and tired of gathering knowledge by reading and listening, I want to take action, and I guess I want to start communicating about this, I've been holding it for myself for so long that I'm not sure if this is real or something I've made up in my own mind. I want some feedback and input. I built up an illusion that I could manage all the knowledge and turn into the person I want to be just by working on myself, by myself, only to find out that it doesn't work that way.
I'm looking for co-operation and friendship in order to reach a higher level, anyone up for the ride?
Me: Swedish, 25yrs, Engineer.
Seems like your on the right track. I definitely had the same problem of reading a ton and fell into the same trap. It's really easy to do and a billion guys in the community do this. For some reason people just refuse to treat this as a skill set.
Originally Posted by Touch of red
If you were going to learn to play piano or fly a plane, how would you do that? You wouldn't read a bunch of books or watch videos about people living the life you want, you'd find a mentor and take fucking action. Reading would be a good supplement but the only thing that will make you any better is taking action.
I'm just getting started in this to, and it helps to realize this is a process and it's going to be a while for you to be good. It's probably going to take at least six months to a year to get good so you better just enjoy the ride! Find some good guys to go out with and set small, reasonable goals for yourself to get some momentum.
I'm by no means even intermediate or advanced but I would be happy to help give you advice on getting over that initial hump of taking action. I'll leave you with some advice from Braddock that I always turn over in my head when I'm having a tough time grasping this stuff:
"One hour in the field is worth 60 hours of knowledge."
Hey DJPilot, thanks for offering a perspective.
Did you get out of your trap? And what made the difference between staying where you were and actually taking action?
Yes I did. You look like you've got a good understanding of how this skill set is learned.
As far as how I got out of it I can't really describe a specific way but I'd be happy to provide a few things that helped me out.
1. Realize this is just a skill set, and treat is as a fun hobby-- Cold approach can be fun as hell, if you want it to be. It can also be full of hurt and rejection if you want it to be as well. Have a blast learning this stuff. If you suck in the beginning, you're eventually going to get good. Believe me, you'll fail a lot in the beginning, but it has no bearing on you as a person.
2. Show up-- Simple advice that is ignored by so many. If you just keep showing up (going out every week and approaching), it's only a matter of time before you'll improve. If you can make it through the initial pain period your progress will skyrocket.
3. This is all about reference experience-- Like I said before, it's a really fucking sad life to live sitting on a computer and reading about others leading the life you want. When you go out and approach women, you're going to get reference experiences and eventually your brain will link up what works and what doesn't. This stuff is all about experience. Experience first, knowledge and mentors second (cf Braddock and Mr. M).
4. Find like minded guys-- It can be a bit nerve racking to learn this stuff around your friends. A lot of us hide from friends and family while we're working on our skills with women, and it's a difficult task to admit a deficiency in your love life-- I have chode friends that haven't been laid in three years, so you think they'd be all about game! But when I tell them they just shrug it off!
See if you can find wings and mentors in your area and start going out with those guys and approaching. Take a boot camp if you can afford it. Hell even a mini-seminar or something like an RSD free tour is going to at least help you find some other guys.
5. Stay positive-- Reward yourself for the little things and don't beat yourself up. Don't set the bar too high and realize it's going to take patience to learn this stuff. Everyone wants a magic pill, but success with women is going to take time. Don't rush yourself. You're a young guy, and you've got your whole life ahead of you.
Anyway, that's just a bunch of random crap I threw together that helped me. I think the following link is actually a great starting point for getting your mind right and accepting the best way to learn this stuff, and Future does it a billion times better than I could.
I agree on all points and I feel that you know what you're talking about.
I want to have fun with it, and I realize on one level that I would have a more exiting life if I just got to the point where I started learning for real, I mean I have been out talking to girls and some days I'm not even half bad, but its hard to keep the motivation up. My default setting is not very optimal and it seems that on some level the comfort of knowing what I have is too compelling to actually go through a change.
It feels like leaving port without having the slightest idea where I might turn up. But I hope that by starting to post here and communicate with like-minded I will be able to keep afloat (metaphorically speaking). Is it even necessary to have an end destination/goal, it feels like it would be good to know the bearings in order to not become something you don't want to be? (but then again I might limit myself with all these metaphors)
How can one set up his life so that the habits that he knows is profitable for him are the ones that become his default habits? It is so easy to understand what needs to be done in a logic way but so frustratingly hard to overcome the emotional barrier of comfort.
And in some way I guess I'm holding a lot of the answers and you're trying to get it through to me, and I am grateful for this. Maybe I should push myself through one of those newbie-missions. I just have to set up some goals and commit. But do I really need to think about this as long as I've waited to come to where I am now? Anyone read about Richard Branson? Anyhow: Screw it, lets do it!
I will commit to keep a journal of my progress
I will commit to post here at least once every week
I will commit to "show-up" (attend parties, leave the comfort of my computer chair, etc)
I will commit to exercise my social skills whenever I get the chance
Hmm, I have to go, but if I post this I have at least started... to be continued..
Sounds like you're one a good path. You don't want to be a ship leaving port without a destination and a course to get there. Figure out where you want to go with this and put together a plan of action to get there. Enjoy the ride because it's probably going to be a long one!
Kom över till Finland så tar jag och hjälper dig
Tornado, The man with only one goal: To become a Master Pickup Artist.
Please do follow my field-reports: http://www.theattractionforums.com/field-reports/150051-styletigers-field-report-collection.html
Hey Touch of Red. Glad you finally decided to make that jump into action. On a side note, how could you NOT hit on Swedish women. OMG I love scandinavians. So hot. Glad we get our share where I game.
If I ever go to sweden which I am planning on this summer I will hit you up.
Also, read this post. Savoy sent me a quick message (this post is in both the Lounge and TAF)...
Whenever you get down read it. I can tell you what that guy says in that thread is true. I have been doing this for almost a year now. I have not found the girl for me but I have had amazing improvements in all areas of my life. I found amazing friends and have great interactions with women.
Just keep at it and in a year you will not recognize the person who started.
Jag ska hålla det erbjudandet i åtanke för eventuella framtida äventyr StyleTiger!
pcl81: Thanks, I read the post and found it motivating. Nice to hear you've made improvements in all areas of life, I will too
DJP: I hear you, making my first goal to set up a rough plan, I should be good at it, after all I've worked in projects for a long time now
The challange right now is to formulate motivating goals. I can't really say that I want to be the greatest "pick-up artist" ever, but neither would I like to stay where I am at the moment. I guess I would like to go through life with the right attitude, I would like to be someone who can affect the people around me in a positive way, I would like to be able to take what I want in life without making life worse for other people. I can't just ignore my conscience because then I will feel bad and fall back to square 1.
I need help with good arguments why making this transformation is the right thing to do, and it might be tricky, the greatest obstacle in all of this might be my conscience, I understand that its purpose is to keep my morally on the right tracks, but it leaves me very little space to explore and grow.
My latest days:
I went to a party this weekend, there were a lot of nice people there and I really only knew one person when I got there. He introduced me to a couple of his friends (male and female). After an hour or so I got eye contact with a girl (cute but not hot, 20yrs old) , and I tried to say something to her across the room, she didn't hear so she moved next to me (really close), we talked for a while and she came closer and closer, it was to fast progress I felt, something wasn't right. It felt like she only wanted my attention as some form of confirmation. In these situations I always seem to look for indicators that something is wrong, and what you look for you'll find, right? Put it this way: She was hot enough so that I would have sex with her if I knew she wanted no more. Still there is something inside me teling me: "This is wrong, you don't really want her". Anyone recognizing this? Long story short: I talked to 2-3 more girls that night, but after I decided not to proceed with girl 1 I still continued thinking about the situation and what I would do next time (without reaching any answers) a while later I went home.
I've also tried to loosen up and be more social the last couple of days, I don't know why I'm not always like that. I mean how rewarding isn't it to feel that you're having a positive influence on others, whom ever it might be. One example: I went to the hospital today and while I waited to get in I started chatting with an old lady, she lit up and it made me happy to see that she got happier. It would be nice if it was as easy to strike up a conversation with more attractive strangers and I'm sure it can be. And maybe that should be one of my goals? It should feel more natural to start talking to people than not to, hmm...
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