Alright so I'm posting here on the advice of a friend of mine trying to get help with this girl. There's a lot of background story but I'll try to summarize it quickly so this post isn't TOO long.
Stuck in friend zone thanks to troubled past
I'm stuck in the friend zone with a girl who I only know through online whom I have known her for three years. I developed feelings for her quickly and since I felt stupid for liking someone I met online I was really mean to her at first. It got to the point where she started to really not like me at all. Eventually I started to regret treating her so badly especially since I was faking it so I told her how I really felt about her. She said she wasn't ready for a relationship with anybody, not just me, and that even if she was she didn't really date online.
I accepted that and determined to change her mind by sticking around and "wooing" her I guess. After that we became really close friends. She always told me there was a chance of us becoming more and of something developing but then she would continually flirt with other guys right in front of me including one of my good friends. I got jealous and told him to stop talking to her which was obviously a huge turnoff for her.
We got into a big fight but remained friends and are still close. We talk for three to four hours a day and recently touched on the subject of our relationship. She told me she didn't like me anything more than a friend and wouldn't even ever consider giving me a chance to date her. She said she didn't really mean the stuff she said before about there being a chance and that she just felt too bad to say no right out. I don't know if this is true or not because in the past there had always been signs indicating she WAS interested. For example, she had come up with an idea to send me a pair of her underwear as a birthday present last year. She ended up not sending it though because she met this other dude around that time who she started to develop feelings for. I asked her about it but she says that's not the reason and she just decided she didn't wanna. These interest signs are all gone now. She eventually tried to online date the other guy.
This pissed me off because she told me she didn't online date, but yet here she was chasing HIM. She would send him pictures of herself and everything (not naked ones lol). It didn't work out because he was a douche and really mean to her. As her friend I tried to warn her about him (he knew me too and would publicly gloat about how he "stole my girl") but she didn't listen because she thought it was just me being jealous again or trying to control who she talked to. Anytime I brought up some of his BS, she got mad at me and then would just go talk to him even more. Ultimately though it didn't work out because he rejected her advances. She says she doesn't like him anymore but I think she does and is just sour at being rejected.
Another thing worth mentioning is that she doesn't trust me enough to tell me her last name, even after three years. She says if she told me, she fears I'd look up her information. She thinks that I'm too controlling (because of the jealousy from before), too emotional, and too needy. One other piece of the puzzle is that she thinks I'm only her friend to try to make her my girlfriend and wonders if I actually care about her for her or if I think she's a trophy to be won. She says that she thinks when I ask her to do things that there's an ulterior motive of me trying to trick her into liking me. If I were to show a sudden disinterest in her now after her telling me I have no chance with her, wouldn't this validate what she was claiming?
My question is this. How can I get out of the friend zone with her? How do I salvage the past where I was jealous or needy and make her see me in a different light?