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Recently I have had a few ...
Dont Know What To Say When Caught Off Guard
Recently I have had a few situations where I was not expecting to be in a conversation with someone, but get forced into it spur of the moment. I seem to perform very poorly in these situations.
Example: I was walking into a bar with a friend the other day, and literally the second we walk in the door, this cute girl who is standing by the entrance with a friend grabs me and says "thanks for saving me", she was obv buzzed or drunk. she then goes on to tell me how good my cologne smells etc...but then says next time don't wear so much in a joking manner (shit test?, i don't wear that much cologne ever.). Then she asks my name and I tell her, and when I ask hers she makes me guess, which I did, but threw out some random off the wall names. She then pretended to get mad at one of the names I guess (another shit test?). Then one of her guy friends walked up and she introduced me to him, and started telling me about how he just got his masters degree or some b.s. At that point my friend has already walked off and joined a group of people we were meeting at the bar. I shook the guys hand, and then basically told her nice meeting her and walked off. No number or anything, and that doesn't bother me, because I wasn't that interested.
What does bother me is the fact that I consistently perform poorly in these situations, but with friends and family I am very relaxed and can be myself, which is usually very playful and funny.
What can I do to improve my skill set in this area. I know practice is the obv answer, but I really don't have a problem talking with strangers, its just when I am caught off guard, or in other random situations, my mind just goes blank and I cant think of anything to say. I think I come off as socially awkward in these situations and it really bugs me because I have decent social skills for the most part.
Follow the model. You didn't have to open because she opened you. She's obviously flirting with you so she finds you attractive (buzz or no buzz). Run some transition/attraction pieces and go from there.
This is a perfect situation to apply push/pull techniques. She is flirting with you and giving you shit tests and the best way to handle this situation is to be nonreactive and have fun with it. I like to neg and follow with a role play in this situation.
One good tool to remember is that you don't have the answer anything you don't want to answer. Ignoring anything she says and just transitioning to your own material is fine, until you get to comfort. Of course you could respond to any of the silly things she says with C+F, etc. but you don't have to.
Your right you did display social awkwardness, however, at least you realize this bad part of your approach; in which you can actually help us help you. I've never really had issues with this, but if I was to give tips this is some I would give:
- Ask YOURSELF random question in the mirror (and dont think of an answer, leave your mind blank) [ This will help with responding correctly.]
- If you have a B.O.B (Body Opponent Bag) you can use that in place of a mirror, this helps give you a visual and physical representation.
- Your comfortable with your family, which typically is normal; use this to your advantage, ask <family member> a random question and see how they respond and how long it takes them to respond (Works best with females as their minds work faster than a mans)
- This was a thought in the middle of typing the last sentence: Example: Why are you here (a bar)? Answer: Hum dum. This will throw the person of and confuse them, helping you think of a response; the more you practice this the more natural it will become, and eventually you'll be responding without having to even think about it.
When the girl introduced you to her male friend, i would have said something like "he's not my type" (gay framing and humorous) OR you could have said "you got eye crud under your eyelid, (when she tries to get rid of it laugh at her)" (Teasing)
"(This is my understanding of each)
Attraction - Female is qualifying the male
Qualification - Male is qualifying the female
Comfort - Both feel the other has sufficient value, and this is where they build their connection
Seduction - Each are so comfortable they may end up in the sex phase of the model ("Where it goes beyond kissing, and sex is realistically possible" - Magic Bullets)"
"Good idea, she can keep you from throwing yourself at me (not said seriously)"
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